What do I do now? I wish he came with a manual—any parent has experienced a moment or two of stress when he or she had no clue how to handle a situation with their child.

It could be any situation, whether it is health, behavior, schoolwork—the list goes on and on. And yet, somehow, out of thin air, we get an idea of how to deal with it—all the while, wondering if we are doing the right thing and often experiencing regret and guilt for doing what we thought was the right thing.

What if there was a way for parents to know ahead of time if how they are about to respond to their child is the right way? What if there was a self-diagnostic mechanism that could tell us when we are about to help our child, or to unintentionally harm them and potentially leave a mental scar on his or her psyche for many years to come?

As a father of three, who’s made his share of mistakes, here is my suggestion—before you respond to the issue at hand, make sure you see the situation through your own eyes and not thru the eyes of your own parents.

You see, our mindset was programmed by our parents in our early childhood—and this program dictates our approach to raising our own children, and moreover, how we live our lives. So actually, the person who is developing your child is your own mother or father—or a combination of both and not you. When the child has had a positive maturing process, it is not an issue. But—when a child matures with negative image of self and/or others, it is an issue. (I must mention that child’s mental conditioning can be completely rewritten at an older age, but by then, it is out of your control.)

The key to your success in developing a resilient human being, lies in your ability to be self-aware of where your perspective to a situation is coming from. My advice is: before voicing an opinion or acting out, pause and ask yourself—is what I am about to do going to strengthen or weaken my child’s well-being?

Take a knee, and look at yourself from the outside in. Make sure you are guided by your calm and collected wisdom and not by a perception instilled in you ages ago, by your environment.

If you often hear comments like:“You are just like your father or mother”—it’s a sign.

Being conscious of the source of your parenting style will make a magically positive impact on lives of your children and grandchildren for generations.

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Author: Elie Klachkin

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/CIA DE FOTO