People who recognize their own emotional insecurity are on a self-awakening path.
They are walking the road less frequently traveled.
Here are a few perspectives to assist with cultivating self-awareness and emotional intelligence when walking this path:
1. Accept emotional insecurity, within and without.
Developing emotional intelligence involves growing skills around the subtle aspects of life. They are not physically tangible, yet they can still be seen, felt and experienced. Seeing, relating with, and communicating these sensitivities are learned skills which require time to develop.
These subtle aspects are part of an inner domain. Just like any undiscovered landscape, this inner realm needs to be explored. Ideas, perceptions and words can falter in their attempts to communicate the formless being within. At first there are no words, and finding a place to begin can be daunting.
Begin with accepting—for it is a still place—and giving a moment of silence. It gives a foundation of abiding calm, and becomes accessible even when we are feeling anxious. Acceptance can be a learned skill; allowing life to be what it is and oneself to be as they are in response to whatever life brings.
Acceptance is not a judgment or sentencing. In acceptance, we recognize and accept the larger scope of life. This means to simply be with how it feels in this moment. Set aside the mind stories, judgments, criticisms and everything else.
Simply feel. And accept.
Acceptance brings a spaciousness that alleviates tension. And thus, a sense of humor and self-humility goes even further.
Acceptance doesn’t wait for the right circumstance in the future, nor does it belabor past events and traumas.
Acceptance is not self-denigrating. It is simply a quiet balance of observation and awareness, though the tasks and challenges of life still need tending to, the burden is set aside for this moment.
Quiet acceptance can come with tears, laughter, or a simple feeling of relaxation in the body.
2. Observe the internal mental and vocal dialogue about one’s own self.
The words a person thinks and speaks are the definitions framing their life.
The conceptual and emotional framework are revealed in the specific words a person speaks. The nature of the attitude, feelings and personality traits are all observable. Even rational, logical words contain all the truth of the formless emotional realm.
There is no clearer indication of how a person feels about their own self, existence and life than the language they use.
3. Observe the internal mental and vocal dialogue about others.
Anything said about another person is still only what one person sees only based on their own life experience. The other person is totally different and has far more to them than the judgments one holds about them.
The negativity is most often the result of subconscious self-denigration. Emotional insecurity takes comfort in tearing other people apart rather than facing their truths and being in a state of balance rest.
Judging how a person responds and reacts emotionally is a discomforting way to see the hidden self-negations and ways a person emotionally invalidates their own self.
The excuses, rationalizations and criticisms directed at others stem from within.
4. Look at how those dialogues make you feel.
This is a feeling of self-trust. Accepting the sense of unease and imbalance is a giant step. The feelings of guilt, shame and negativity from emotional insecurity and its dialogue and impacts on life and relationship are taxing.
Fortunately, it’s also a story and through self-observation, acceptance and nurturing, a new internal dialogue can be discovered. These stories have patterns and structures and can be understood and integrated. Stories change.
But the non-verbal feeling in a relationship is essential. Behind all the words reside the emotional sources for stress, anxieties and tension. Abiding in this feeling awareness gives a person access to the source and causes for their own disconnects. In those moments are the opportunity to be humble with one’s own self and see the truth.
Once it is seen and recognized with full acceptance, the greatest challenge has been surpassed.
5. Put into action self-nurturing practices and endure.
Absent of stress, self-nurturing practices allow a person to feel at ease in their own skin, with life as it is.
Free of the need to change, modify or take action, this is a point of awareness capable of revealing one’s own nature.
What causes one person to experience this calm is never the same as what allows another person. Many practices are nurturing and reveal this inner awareness. The security and stability of self-knowledge is personal. Whatever non-harming practice is able to connect a person and leave them feeling self-aware is beautiful
No technique or practice is in and of itself going to give an emotional foundation.
This is why what does not give one person comfort may be exactly what another individual needs.
Self-nurturing rituals and practices are essential.
They are key for nurturing self-esteem. Developing a healthy inner dialogue and response to one’s own emotional insecurities gives graciousness when encountering it in other people.
Emotional stability demands an existential acceptance absent any form of societal or religious reason or materialism.
It will not appear as other people, or ones own self, would demand or expect.
This is pure self, the stillness of the bare naked truth of who one is, here and now.
Self-evident, there are no words to convince oneself or others. The entire way of relating to the world changes, and all responses from within to without are transformed as a result.
The most essential journey a person will ever undertake begins when looking within. From the first step, the entire universe changes.
Author: Keith Artisan
Editor: Caitlin Oriel