“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
It’s been four weeks since you broke my heart walked out of my life without a backward glance.
The first seven days were the hardest.
The happy picture of you and I had shattered into a million tiny pieces and everywhere I went, I kept stumbling on the broken shards. Each one a painful reminder of what I had lost.
I reflected on our relationship and was filled with sadness and regret as one by one, all of the times I’d chosen fear over love were revealed to me. I lamented over the fact that I didn’t always show up the way I wanted to when I was with you. I beat myself up for not making the changes that I needed to make in my life sooner. I thought about all of the things I’d do differently if I could go back in time and have a second chance.
After the obligatory misery-fest ended, I made a decision to stop being so hard on myself. I realised that I am only human—a work in progress. I resolved to sift through the rubble of our broken relationship and look for the lessons and gifts I could take with me on the road to transformation.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ~ Maya Angelou
After examining my regrets, I found clarity and opportunities to do things differently in the future. I made a promise to myself that from now on I will be courageous enough to say, “I love you,” the first time I feel the urge to say it. I will do the necessary work to feel secure enough within myself to give love without first knowing it will be reciprocated.
I will cast off the dark shadow of past hurt, and be free.
I will do what it takes to resolve my issues and insecurities so that I can be present with whoever is in front of me. I refuse to waste any more valuable time and energy on needless overthinking and worrying. I will not allow myself to be distracted by wondering if I am good enough, because I will see to it that I absolutely am.
I will actively seek out new experiences. I will no longer choose comfort and ease over challenge, adventure and growth. I will not let opportunities to create memories slip through my fingers because of apathy and laziness.
I will be brave enough to speak up and talk about things when I feel there is a problem. I will not put my guard up and hope it will all work itself out without me having to do anything. I will allow myself to be vulnerable and make it a priority to nurture and grow the important connections in my life through open communication.
I am committed to continually putting in the effort required to look good for myself and for my future love. I no longer use food to numb my insecurities and reinforce the gap between where I am and where I want to be.
I am committed to being a vibrant, courageous woman in pursuit of my dreams—gone are the days of acting like a frightened little girl and a product of the past.
I am committed to taking responsibility for creating the life I want to live. I will cultivate happiness and gratitude and meditate often so that never again will I lose myself or get stuck in a rut of my own making.
After years of hiding, withholding and playing small, I feel like I have finally been broken open.
I am grateful to you for helping me see what I needed to change. I would never have chosen for you to leave but I can see now that the beginning, middle and end of our relationship served as the chrysalis I needed in order to grow and transform into more than I have ever been.
Thank you for breaking my heart wide open and changing my life.
“She loved him because he had brought her back to life. She had been like a caterpillar in a cocoon, and he had drawn her out and shown her that she was a butterfly.” ~ Ken Follett
Author: Laura Forbes
Editor: Khara-Jade Warren
Image: Kiera Chan/ Flickr