5.6

20 Hard Lessons from 100+ Tinder Dates.

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I met em’ all. From pilots to pro baseball players and doctors, actors and army guys to oil tycoons and financiers; I tried to avoid my industry and also ended up with some who didn’t know the definition of industry.

Over the course of a little more than a year and a little over 5,000 miles— from South Florida to Texas and up and down the West Coast, including Canada— I garnered dozens and dozens of stories.

But, for now, I’ll start with a list— a list focusing on the not-so-lovely encounters. Here’s what I learned from meeting more than 100 guys on a little dating app called Tinder:

1. Banter gets old. Very old.
2. You laugh, a lot…and rarely cry.
3. Always talk on the phone before meeting in person— unless you don’t mind men who sound like women.
4. Never go upstairs for “Lebanese coffee.”
5. Some guys just like to fight,  even ones who write award winning novels — about peace in the Middle East.
6. Guys will do almost anything for sex.
7. Guys will say almost anything for sex.
8. Guys will go to yoga class with you — for sex.
9. Avoid dinner dates — even if it’s free — because it’s grossly inefficient. Coffee or smoothies are much less risky — and better for your skin.
10. Some guys really think their British or Spanish accent makes them the greatest thing since crumpets and Pan con Queso.
11. Never ever ever assume a guy will call or text you when he says he will. Ever.
12. The definition of boyfriend is relative: many matches have filled various boyfriend roles— and without even knowing it!
13. You can make the greatest connections with the greatest guy and they will still be capable of doing the most outrageous things.
14. Block guys instead of unmatching immediately after exchanging contact info; this will show you are independent and don’t play games.
15. Don’t put pictures that are already online on Tinder— this is for your own privacy and safety.
16. Don’t make Tinder your only option.
17. There is a whole other level of boring that I never knew existed.
18. You survive.
19. Somehow the world manages to be smaller than you think but also bigger than you think.
20. The purpose of Tinder isn’t always to find the one, nor on first try; it’s not always about happiness either. It’s about learning. It’s about creating meaningful life moments. Thus it’s about the journey.

I hope through my experience you are able to learn something too. As you may have realized, sometimes it’s more important to take something away from a date than to have a second one; any date you learn from is a good date.

 

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Mindful Market Offering:

Om Earrings

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Bonus: The Dharma of Tinder:

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Author: Ali Sun Blair

Editor: Travis May

Image: Flickr/Martinak15

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Andy Bowker Sep 5, 2018 9:47pm

Irene Chávez lol I've completely forgotten about this article and this comment. Would probably see things a bit different now

Irene Chávez Sep 5, 2018 9:30pm

I've been wanting to write something about Tinder too. At some point, I purposely made it a "social experiment", by using different types of photos, of descriptions, of approaches and so on. Don't get me wrong, I was not playing at all, I had my heart broken a little and I guess I broke some hearts as well. It thaught me so much about myself, about men, about love, about different cultures, about relationships, about communication, and so many other things... maybe I'll write it down soon... Oh, and I met my actual best friend there, he was / is also one of the person's i had loved the most in my life! :)

Irene Chávez Sep 5, 2018 9:19pm

Based on my experience with tinder I event think this post is super nice compared to what I've seen lol. I had good experiences too, don't get me wrong. But you also have to know that Tinder interactions change a lot from one country to the other and I've had the most crazy f*cked up interactions in some places... any ways. I installed it and removed it like 8 times until I was definitely done with it. I learned a lot yes, Ali is totally right about that, and for that I don't regret any single second that I used it.

EL Tireble Aug 15, 2018 1:58pm

100+ tinder dates? You must be busy.

Tracy Jakich Davis Sep 25, 2017 3:59am

I got lucky - I met my husband on tinder ❤️

Rick Becker Jan 6, 2017 8:06pm

I got a kick out of this, but I feel for this woman! I've heard the horror stories from my female friends! I've experienced some of my own. Dating sites are a bastion for the socially awkward. There are some great people out there and I've met some incredible women, made some awesome friends and gone on plenty of good dates, but you gotta weed through soooooo many to find them! Sadly, it's very difficult to meet people organically these days. Someone else commented that this was borderline man bashing....I say that most of what she's written is exactly the kind of things I've heard from friends.

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Ali Sun Blair

Ali Sun Blair is an old soul. She believes in self expression to live a full life, so she writes and stays as active as possible; she also loves exploring, usually with no set plans and country music blasting. Ali recently stumbled upon and fell in love with the Bay Area after living in Florida most of her life. She works in marketing and tech and is also a certified yoga instructor who has taught everyone from the blind to professional athletes. Ali is well rounded but cannot claim to be an expert at anything; however, she is working on “nothing.” Alison is “The Lift Chick” and can be followed on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.