April 8, 2016

“Cheaters” & The End—A Hilarious Account of Getting On in our Years.

glasses blech can't see woman 40s

Okay. So, I’m 45. I never really thought that aging would bother me.

But I’m here to tell you, it does.

My children remind at every school function that I am the oldest mom in the room, my knees crackle when I walk up the stairs and oh, Lord, my sciatica!

It wasn’t until recently that I realized I was old(er).

It was at my cousin’s son’s wedding and I was wearing an adorable mini dress, showing off my great legs, (thanks to my mother’s genes), feeling excited about a night out with my best buddy, free drinks and delicious food and maybe even a dance or more with a single, cute friend of my cousin’s.

I entered the church and my cousin, happy to see me, began to escort me down the aisle. He was walking at a normal pace but I had to tell him to slow down because I was also wearing a not-so-adorable locked knee brace due to a torn meniscus. This knee brace, I lovingly named my “c*ck blocker” because it turns out it’s impossible to be sexy with a limp and a pained and agonized expression on my face.

Not long after that, I met up with my friends from high school at a lively, popular tavern. We were standing in a circle trying to talk but none of us could hear each other. We kept saying, “what?” or nodding obliviously at each other until it became so ridiculous and humorous, we began to laugh hysterically. We are all going deaf!

We sat down to order appetizers. Armed with menus and starving, we began to try to read the specials, bringing said menu closer and then farther from our faces, desperately trying to focus. Alas, my friend pulled out her “cheaters” and passed them around for others to use after my one girlfriend said, hangrily, “Give me those damn things.” (I wear glasses and recently was prescribed bifocals. I cried and told the doctor to lower his voice!)

Oh and have I mentioned the memory loss issues? I’d like to blame it on my hectic life as a single mom with two jobs but I can’t help but wonder if aging hasn’t assisted in this matter. Have you ever started a sentence and then whoosh, it’s gone?

The entire thought just vanishes into thin air? It happens to me quite…awe, sh*t.

The End.

You see, this is a code I made up to mean: “Stop listening to me because I have totally lost my mind and cannot finish my sentence,” that I would say to my sister whenever we were talking. We would be totally engaged in a conversation and then poof, it’s gone! She knew exactly what I meant because it happens to her too. It’s a common statement now with my family and friends and we crack up every time someone says it! Please feel free to use it. This really helps to just own it and move on.

Getting older has had its advantages. I am so much happier now and I feel more evolved than ever before. I have reached a level of spirituality that brings me such peace and I feel grounded for the first time in my life.

The plus side of getting older:

I had to embrace my age and celebrate my journey (the good, the bad, and the ugly). I now take pride in the trials and tribulations I have experienced and I learned to be grateful for the growth that comes from that. I also love to laugh and making fun of life’s little tests of strength has given me and my loved ones much joy.

A bummed knee, being the oldest PTA mom and my bifocals will never take away the breadth of my knowledge of who I really am at 45 years old and I treasure…awe, hell, not again.

The End.

“You know you’re getting older when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you are down there.” ~ George Burns



Author: Corinne Milentijevic

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: SAN_DRINO/Flickr 

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Corinne Milentijevic  |  Contribution: 965