Whether not having sex is a temporary dry spell, a casualty of a relationship going where they often do, or a way of life, you don’t have to live without sensuality.
In fact, having sex can often distract from sensuality. Below find four powerful ways to tap into your sensuality and sexual energy without having sex.
But be careful, raising your sensuality may lead to more sexual possibilities.
1. Get Some Pelvic Floor Work
Just because you aren’t having sex doesn’t mean that your genitals have to go to seed or that your hips have to become set in stone. It also doesn’t mean that you have to stop evolving sexually. Not having sex is as natural as having it, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t desirable, sexy or the cat’s meow. It just means that you aren’t having sex.
Pelvic floor work brings the whole area of your genitals to life. It lights your heart up, encourages the energy flow in your whole body and it relieves you of stress like nothing else can.
Don’t go to somebody clinical, go to somebody trained by John Barnes, somebody who has a sensitive touch. Pelvic floor work lays the foundation for all sensual and sexual pleasure that will come after it and makes the world a more peaceful place.
Learn how to be more present in your own body; that’s the best thing you can do for your sensual self.
2. Kissing Meditation
Look at yourself in the mirror. Study the lines of your face, and notice how the process of observing yourself subtly changes your expression, presence and presentation.
Then, as though you were with a partner, slowly, with presence, find your lips moving closer to the mirror. Sensations and excitement will rise as you get nearer, just as it would if you were edging ever closer to a kiss with someone new.
Meet the mirror with a kiss, feel the sensations in your lips, cheeks and whole body. Imagine you are 11 years old and this is your first, world rocking kiss. The mirror is the perfect place to become the world’s best kisser. All it takes is practice and a feedback loop between you and you.
Use your tongue. A French kiss with yourself is special. Let go…
Use this unique kiss to discover what you like, romance yourself, and smooch.
Kissing yourself in the mirror, or on the wrist or anywhere you can reach can provide mind blowing sensations. Experiment, there is nobody to impress here but you.
Make a mess of the mirror, wear lipstick if you wish, that makes a Rorschach test on your mirror, different every time you kiss, and a reflection of you. Appreciate your romantic art work, leave any lip art you like up for a few days reminding you of your love for yourself.
A few minutes necking with the mirror before you head to work will make the whole day more sensual.
3. Hold Yourself
Men, cradle your scrotum and penis, not in public, but when you curl up in bed at night. Touch yourself, invite sensations but not arousal. Hold yourself for a while. Get into it and arousal will appear out of nowhere.
Then smell your fingers. Smell is an often overlooked deeply influential aspect of sensuality.
Feel free to masturbate later, but let holding yourself provide a safe space, a connection between your mind and body. A comfort that sex doesn’t offer, but being with yourself does.
Women, do the same thing, but don’t be intrusive. Just gently place your hand on your genitals or some other part of your body. Feel the sensations, the exchange between your hand and your body.
This simple exercise will lengthen your physical attention span. It will make you a better lover. A lover of yourself, a lover of others and especially a lover of the subtle sensations bodies really dig.
Often, when having sex, we miss these subtle moments. Enhancing them will fire you up and fulfill you at the same time without the distraction of trying to romance or satisfy someone else.
At first you might get bored lightly touching yourself. But stick with it. Soon the love you find for yourself will result in you enjoying your own company and having more of you to offer to others as well.
4. Be Grateful
You can spend your whole life wanting what you don’t have: a vacation villa, sex when you aren’t having any or living happily ever after.
Or you can be grateful for what you have right now. So, when you aren’t having sex be grateful for not having sex. Don’t imagine, even for a moment, that life would be better if you were having sex.
When you aren’t having sex explore your sensuality, lie in bed feeling the sheets, your knees, genitals and toes. Bring sensuality and love to the way you eat, walk, laugh and think.
Let the sun rise on a new sensual day for you and let sex be something you do when you do and don’t when you don’t.
Author: Jerry Stocking
Editor: Travis May