For my entire adult life an opportunity to change has loomed over me. In the past, I resorted to fear as a means of saving myself from each predicament that so easily overlooked, appeared to be a catastrophe.
There was always someone, a situation or job opportunity that enabled me, offering me solace from my karmic passageway—one of my greatest life lessons to date. Respite from an inhospitable world destined to wipe me out—casting me into oblivion.
While young and impressionable, it was easy to go along with the path that others had forged of which I was easily malleable enough to fit into.
So I accepted my fate and turned into fear each time, unbeknownst to myself that I was merely delaying the inevitable.
Very egocentric, ignorant and living in a perpetual state of denial, lust and temptation I led a strung out existence indulging in the spoils of disparity.
Never fulfilled or ever quite content and endlessly seeking, I’d grow increasingly resistant to my reality and always kept one foot out the door, never fully committed—whether in silence or verbal protest.
Destructive behaviors swept over me time and time again as each year rolled around and, in retrospect, offered me that splendid ray of hope to turn my life around and become what I was meant to be in this life.
It simply never dawned on me, largely due to my lack of understanding, that our lives do possess a pre-destined pathway which will lead us into a loving and rich lifestyle because it’s simply in our nature to accept such an existence if we so choose.
Does this erase the karmic debts we must pay back in kind for deeds done in our past lives?
Letting go of resistance itself has been the liberation of mind, my hell branding me for so long—my knotted loins poisoning me.
Around this time last year, something within me urged me to accept my predicament and to work through what I knew would be an especially challenging period in time—to persevere at all costs.
So each day, I began working diligently towards accepting fate as its time had so faithfully manifest—my engagement for enactment finally arriving. I’ll spare the details but all-in-all, I grew immensely in spirit, in mentality and in physicality.
Something changed within me on levels I cannot yet fully comprehend. There was a reckoning that because I chose to face it, a light in my life suddenly flickered.
Guiding forces emerged and forgiveness for the things I’ve struggled to amend began to dissolve the torment, despair and plaguing afflictions that I’d been harboring for so long—now beginning to germinate in the form of newborn strengths; arising from that tunnel of darkness, these perceived weaknesses began to dissipate.
There is a lag period where we are tested in our virtues—the universe enticing us with old patterns of behaviors and retreat into what was.
I persisted, remaining steadfast to my newfound commitment. I refused to turn back.
A decisive nature is a language the universe unfailingly abides—delivering that which has been devotionally bound within the triad of mind, heart and spirit.
Remaining hopeful, I let what would be, be and accepted every ounce of difficulty, strife, heartache and tearful silhouetted nights in abandon looking up into the nighttime skies for that splendid forgiveness and hope I’d been given that bittersweet taste of.
Enduring the dark night of my soul yet again, and the shadow’s nature I’d for so long deprived of its undying expression, I prayed, I sobbed and relented.
Humility became my armor, humbleness my sword.
Obscurity a lesson, never again to be ignored but instead, embraced…
Yes, parts of me died not so long ago so that I may emerge not as that over-indulging caterpillar, but a light-hearted butterfly—carried aloft in the currents of fortune.
Two weeks in remission from the outside world, I spent ample time in isolation so that my intuition might finally speak—adamantly proposing to follow the path I’d so long contemplated and to this point, only dreamed of, without the guilt or self-doubt; my vantage no longer straying from that blinding light of faith.
I bowed in recognition of what I’ve since become with glistening, wild eyes and a stroke of madness that I might actually make it all work—the uncertainty my shadow, yet no longer my shackles; today serving as a strength and testament to what one is capable of achieving once they cultivate trust and devotion within their aching heart, mind, light and darkness.
I’m so thankful to all those who’ve hurt me, abused me, abandoned me and forgiven me for same. I’ve done my deeds, unwarranted and with shame. Each day I wake and spread kindness, acts of generosity and appreciation for every circumstance I’m accountable for and not.
Every moment a lesson to learn, to grow and love—with every breath we take. Not to take for granted this splendid life we’ve been graced with. I’m in love with life, my calling—now fully trusting in faith.
If we behave as messengers for what we believe in most—in the caverns of our hearts—it is possible these beliefs that have remained locked away for eons may finally see the light of day. Finding the key in the lessons we’re presented while never giving up will surely open that gateway someday.
Allowing the rays of light and servitude to act through us in accordance with our highest good will ultimately give rise to our birth right’s initiation unto this earth plane and its associated joys.
Never give up on what is innately a gift—oft overlooked. We’re all gifted and governed by free-will to accept our calling if we so choose. I encourage you to seek within for your highest truths and to shed what no longer serves.
Every moment is a treasure unto its own and we can lift the burdens of suffering from the construct of mind. Letting go of resisting what is births the discovery of our essence and ability to co-create in accordance with that which the universe wishes for us to express diligently, gracefully and happily.
Transcending what’s torn us down, spat on our good nature and burdened our beautiful spirit transforms our nature in accordance with our well-being. Releasing our shadow from the depths of our soul’s tomb to embody our entire being’s capacity for creativity, love and inner peace is our destiny.
Project your abilities inward so they may reflect outward—unto this world.
The irony is how could we possibly grow had we not succumbed to each temptation, struggle or sacrifice that led us to the place in time where an epiphany suddenly bursts forth—born into our consciousness; birthing its expression.
Author: Thayne Ulschmid
Editor: Travis May
Photos: Flickr/K. Prarin Lekuthai