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May 8, 2016

An Open Letter to my Mother on Mother’s Day.

mother daughter

Dear Mom,

It’s funny how I always write about love but never write about you. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know what love truly means.

It’s ironic that I constantly tackle the topics of spirituality and meditation, dismissing the fact that I meditated in your womb for nine months.

And sadly, I write about my personal experiences and my pain, forgetting that only with my head rested on your lap do I overcome them.

I used to write you plenty of letters when I was a kid. I remember spending hours coloring them and drawing hearts below the letters I had written you. I grew up and I don’t know why I stopped writing you. I bet I’d draw these hearts better than ever now.

Today, I’m writing you again—but publicly. I could have slipped this letter under your pillow but rather, I’m writing it in the place I wouldn’t be in if it weren’t for you.

I still read the words you submitted to local newspapers during the 70s. I still behold your paintings and the exhibitions you did in the 90s. I look at you and I see a version of me. Then I look at me and I know that you made me.

With every word that I write, with every painting that I create, with everything that I do, there is a part of you that expresses itself through me.

Although I have never told you this before, even if you weren’t my mother, I’d you choose you in every lifetime so I can be your daughter.

I’d choose you and wouldn’t regret it.

The older I’m growing, the more scared I get. I know one of these days one of us shall leave the other’s side and I only hope to leave before you so I won’t have to deal with the wrenching agony of losing you. I have broken all my earthly attachments, yet I always fail to break my attachment to you.

If you are my sole hindrance to enlightenment, I am happy to keep reincarnating to samsara if it meant excessively loving you.

Today, I want to thank you for giving birth to me, for being courageous enough to hold a baby within your womb for nine months.

You are the most powerful yet loving woman I have met my entire life. And luckily, you have raised me likewise and I wouldn’t be more grateful than I am today.

I want you to know that no matter where I travel, where I go, or what I choose to do, you live within me. You are my second half and no man can compete you in this.

I only wish that you live long enough until I’m ready to set you free. I wish you health, celestial protection and joy.

I’m only happy when I see you happy.

I know I have said it before and I’ll say it till forever and a day: I love you.

Your daughter, or shall I say, “yourself.”

~

Author: Elyane Youssef

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

Image: Heath Bouffard/Flickr 

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Elyane Youssef

Elyane S. Youssef is an extraterrestrial who was given birth by Earthlings. While living on planet Earth, she fell in love with art, books, nature, writing, photography, traveling, and…pizza. Elyane finds her joy in backpacking and bonding with locals. To see the faces she interacts with on her travels, you can follow Face of the World on Instagram. Besides getting on and off planes, she is in a serious relationship with words and hopes to inspire as many people as possible through them. Once her mission is accomplished on Earth, she will return to her planet to rejoin her extraterrestrial brothers and sisters. In case you’re wondering, yes, she is still willingly obsessed with Frida Kahlo. You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. You can also check out her macrame art on Instagram.