A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home.

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My dear children: I know that the world may try to tell you otherwise, but I want you to know that you haven’t come from a broken home—because there isn’t anything damaged about my love for you.

Perhaps we are nontraditional, and possibly sometimes, it feels as if we are wayward, but there is nothing about our family that is broken.

I never intended to be a single parent. And though I had hopes of the fairytale happily-ever-after, I soon realized that I was just not meant to live in a perfect castle, high on a hill, while those below thought my life was something more “perfect” than it really was.

My dear children: I see now that this was the journey that we were all meant to walk.

I would never have wanted you to grow up thinking that love was a responsibility, instead of a gift. Because while I didn’t get it right the first time—you just might.

Perhaps if I can show you that sometimes love isn’t easy—and that the first step is always to learn who we are and how we love—then maybe you will know more than I did and make choices that are founded in greater awareness and courage.

I didn’t know how little I knew about life and myself when I began my journey of divorce, but time did a beautiful job of teaching me.

I know that sometimes it’s hard just having one parent at home because Momma can only do so much at once. There is only one lap to sit on and one pair of arms to hold you close. There is only one adult to fix things, cook and plan entertaining endeavors. Sometimes I drop the ball because I’ve learned that I just can’t do it all.

It’s just me—and while I know I am enough, just as I am doing the best I can, I know that you still want more.

When you tell me that you want a boy to live with us, as I am driving on the highway, you don’t see the tear slide down my cheek because I honestly want it just as much as you do. I can’t provide that as easily as I can other things—I can’t magically snap my fingers and make it happen.

But I do have faith that when it’s meant to be—and at the right time—I will find us a good man.

For now, all I can do is love you my deepest love, not to make up for the fact that there is only one parent to kiss you and tuck you in at night, but because you are worth this type of love.

To say that you are from a broken home implies that you would have been happier and healthy if I had stayed in a marriage that I’d outgrown.

The reality of two adults who aren’t truly in love with one another is not as good as being single and modeling how to exquisitely love myself.

I know that what I say doesn’t mean a damn thing if I am not willing to do the hard work to back it up with action.

What good would I have been to you if I had preached to you about finding love, loving yourself, following your heart and all of the magic that is worthwhile in this life if I wasn’t willing to follow my own advice?

The truth is, my loves, we need make mistakes to learn lessons.

If I hadn’t followed my heart and decided that I wanted my life to be the greatest example for how to live, then I also wouldn’t be the mother that you truly needed me to be.

How differently would you have grown up if I taught you to ignore your heart?

If I instead taught you the value in keeping your mouth closed just to keep the peace?

You wouldn’t be the type of women who will one day change this world.

My goal from the start has been to raise amazing young women. I never intended to keep watch over you, teaching you your ABCs while you learn how to best blend into society so that one day you might get a mortgage, and an IRA and find yourself settled down but empty.

You’ll grow up to be young women with soul.  

Women who have vision and ambition who know they will have to work through blood and sweat to get the life they want and deserve, because nothing is ever given in this life for free.

Women who follow their hearts no matter where it leads and who possess the courage to help others to do the same.

You will be game-changers and status quo destroyers.

I first had to become this type of woman to raise you.

So, no my darlings you are not from a broken home.

You are from a home full of love and soul that will teach you how to navigate life and have one helluva time while doing it.

~

Author: Kate Rose

Image: Author’s own

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

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Kate Rose

Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair, swaying her hips to the music of life and smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on TwitterFacebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website

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september20virgo Dec 4, 2018 1:52am

KEEP Living, LIFE Lessons, Know YOUR Worth, Work Hard @All that YOU do, Follow YOUR Heart, and Never Give Up on Love?

anothertechieguy Nov 30, 2018 11:53am

It’s interesting to see the comments and some criticism from some other female readers towards the author on how she ‘should’ feel, ‘do’ things, ‘tell’ it and ‘think’ in general about her ‘own’ experience.
Personally I can only say the main point that I got from her article is that some have to go through difficult times to take decisions that might not be what they want and that will help others to learn from their mistakes.
Not sure what can be defined by ‘broken home’ since it’s a bit different for everyone. The same way goes for trying to define ‘how to love’ and in this article, the author just shared her way to ‘love’ by reacting to her own personal situation.
Thanks for sharing your family scars with us and hopefully you keep writing more about your path in life.

stormyseabreeze Nov 28, 2018 8:22am

This was a sad thing to read. Teaching your children to be strong and love themselves is wonderful and beautiful. But it seems from this article that you devalue how they feel which is not teaching them to love themselves, it’s teaching them that they have to give you the love you “want” or you will not be loving back to them. That is narcissistic and abusive behavior. Hopefully you are a wonderful, carting, supportive and careful mom, but there are hints of abuse on your part all over this article. Having a father is not something kids “want” and the way you say it makes it sound like your implying to them they’re asking for too much and that it’s abnormal to have needs. I am not against divorce in any way. If a marriage isn’t healthy it is better in my opinion for children to reap the benefits of two happy parents than two miserable ones. But a broken home is what it is and will always be and that is not your children’s faults, nor on their shoulders to fix for you by staying away from language that might upset you like “broken home.” Please do better for your kids.

nicole.gilkey Nov 27, 2018 5:59pm

I am a single mother. My daughters bio dad left 5 weeks after her birth and was never really there in the first place. My daughters dad figure or step dad had an affair within the first 3 years of our marriage. All this to say, thank you for putting words to the perseverance, the struggle and the goal. We are raising warrior women, thank you for putting it into words. I will not settle, I will not submit, because I would never allow that to be my daughters story and thus it cannot be mine.

Xavier Woodhead-Smith Nov 19, 2018 7:13pm

Absolutely beautiful. I am a man who left his children and wife due to the negative effect the continued relationship would have on his 3 babies. The guilt and sadness is overwhelming and has left me shattered for almost 2 years now. The world has reminded me of what I'm missing out on over and over again until I eventually return to a toxic situation out of love and fear that those I love have been harmed. Only to expose them to more anger, fear, and pain. I desperately long to have every moment with them, they are my everything. It is not just women that get abused in relationships. A narcissist can take the shape of any one. The abused have learned it is easier not to fight back. Thank you for the amazing story.

Liza James Nov 13, 2018 7:27pm

Thanks. You speak my mind. If the children are saying something's broken, it's not accurate to tell them it isn't. It's active denial of their experience of reality. Even if it's true for Mom. A "healing household" is putting a positive spin on it, but it's not right to say "you don't come from a broken home" when something has absolutely broken.

Kuchiki Hisana Chan Nov 13, 2018 1:18pm

What beautiful words

Amabelle Frias Oct 21, 2018 11:45am

😍😍😍

Lara Heath Allen Oct 18, 2018 11:17am

My children now come from a healing home too. Thank you for giving me those words. I will use them with my boys for now on. ✨💜✨

Patty Elliott Oct 17, 2018 2:57pm

Thank you. This is beautiful and just what I want to give to my daughters. Prayers you don’t mind me sharing with them? 😊❤️

Nicole Cameron Oct 16, 2018 12:29pm

Hi Lesha, I checked with a our web team and the articles in that section (Vaguely Relephant Reads) are automatically added based on what's currently trending on Elephant, what readers are clicking, and what we think readers would be interested in. This means that the articles there are constantly updating and changing. Hope this helps answer your question. ~ Nicole, Eleditor

Lesha Winnie Oct 15, 2018 2:55pm

Dear Elephant Journal, I’m just wondering why on Earth You would put a piece on the heart-genital connection admist a letter to my children??

Gail Faulkner Oct 15, 2018 4:01am

Awesome

El'gato Negro Aug 22, 2018 2:35pm

i feel sad while im reading this.

Jesse Varsalone Mar 21, 2018 2:45am

I read the whole thing. It applies to this dad just as much :)

Thera Irlbeck Oct 10, 2017 1:45am

Kate, you are one beautiful soul.

Jessica E. Edwards Oct 9, 2017 11:59pm

Amazing words!! Ive often sat and tried to think of the words i could share with my children. And you nailed it!!!! ❤

Cheryl Valentine Aug 9, 2017 12:31am

Beautifully written Kate�

Emilie Josephine Aug 4, 2017 11:35am

Holly Bermingham

Diane Banta May 25, 2017 5:22am

And, with that...this is why you write. Even your bio is wonderfully inspiring. So appreciated

Stephanie L Pritchard May 25, 2017 4:30am

These comments are fantastic too ... xo

Rachel Rasmussen May 3, 2017 7:19pm

I mean, I get the sentiment of not wanting to call your home "broken", but broken things can be fixed- But not by pretending they aren't broken.

Rachel Rasmussen May 3, 2017 7:15pm

Wow. This is absolute garbage. People who follow their heart are status quo breakers? Really? Because they sound a lot like the exact same selfish assholes you find all over the status quo. As a single mother, I found this just about the stupidest load of crap ever. This mother broke her kids home and wants a thank-you for it? Like a kid who has to endure piano lessons will one day thank their parents? You are equating the pain of trials with the pain of sin. You serve your children better with an apology, not some self-centered diatribe about how great they're going to be because of your screw ups. I, for one, have zero intention of teaching my children to "follow their heart". The heart is a useful counsellor, but a terrible terrible guide. Acknowledge that unless he was abusive, you have taught your children nothing except the transient whims of "want" have more bearing than responsibility. You really do believe that love isn't a responsibility, don't you? You really did lose all credibility there. I urge you to change. Swallow your pride and teach your kids you were wrong. If you actually love yourself like you claim to, this will be easy. Teach them love and marriage (like all good gifts) is a HUGE responsibility and that nobody "gets it right the first time". That's why we have to recommit every single day. That's why marriage is so much more than just love. You are on a dangerous and delusional path here. Check your math again. Your conclusions don't match your formula.

Alex Rettie May 3, 2017 3:15pm

Thanks for this comment. I'm a divorced father of two boys, and I'm not a big fan of blurring the boundaries between my emotional needs and theirs.

Ginger Snap May 3, 2017 11:53am

Thank you!! I needed this! This is wonderful!!

Laura Ho May 3, 2017 6:44am

Thank you.

Nicola Campbell Feb 7, 2017 2:30am

There are lots of children who come from two parent families that struggle as much as divorced families. Apparently it's still socially acceptable to shame this type of alternative family...NOT so alternative when 50% of marriages end in divorce. A broken home is where children are abised and neglected, not with one parent!!

Daniel Curtis Jan 1, 2017 2:17pm

Bravo.

Judy Dadisman Dec 2, 2016 6:40am

GOD BLESSED YOU WITH YOUR CHILDREN,,,,,,