Why I Choose to Walk Alone.
I have just turned 30, and since age 16 I have almost always been in a relationship.
I have, however, recently come to the conclusion that I don’t need to be in a relationship anymore. I haven’t, strictly speaking, decided to step away from romantic stories—but I’m not seeking love anymore.
Now may not be the right time for me to begin a new relationship. The journey of self-discovery that I’m embracing is focused on finding myself—without being distracted by others’ paths and expectations. The spiritual path of self-discovery requires a lot of alone time listening to our hearts, while relationships demand availability and commitment.
Both aren’t always compatible.
Often, the inner work of self-healing and empowerment doesn’t leave enough room and energy for another being.
If I were to commit to a new relationship, especially with a man who hasn’t embarked down the road of self-discovery, I couldn’t guarantee my full commitment attention.
Embarking on the soul journey means allowing life-altering changes and the unexpected to take place.
Embarking on the soul journey is agreeing to be unsettled for a while—and not everyone understands or agrees with that.
I would rather wait, and only get involved in love again when I know where I want to settle and how my life should look.
Few men could enter into my romantic story.
Relationships with individuals who haven’t chosen the spiritual path for this lifetime have become almost impossible for me. We don’t share a definition of “living a successful life.” To me, “success” stems neither from the accumulation of riches, nor from the material comfort and status found in corporate jobs.
“Success” arises by doing what we like and being committed, like a warrior, to giving all our energy to what sounds true.
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” ~ Maya Angelou.
That’s why free-spirited individuals—who are also committed to the journey of self-discovery—are the ones who truly interest me.
Even then, it’s impossible to say if we are going to evolve in the same direction. It can be complex to keep together two individuals who both seek freedom. Therefore, when such encounters take place, I unconsciously close my heart. I’m scared of being hurt or disappointed.
The journey of self-discovery is most important for spiritual warriors of our kind. I wouldn’t agree to risk my own personal growth; asked to choose between pursuing the journey and entering a relationship, I would remain loyal to the spiritual path and to the fulfilling life that it shall bring.
I’m drawn to soul-level connections.
I’m not attracted to average, handsome or successful men—but to wild and strong individuals who inspire me and share similar expectations of life. Thus, I’m not interested in starting careless relationships simply to have fun or kill time.
The truth is, I’m not seeking love—and I’m not willing to compromise in order to find again the comfort that relationships offer. I would rather remain single until I meet the right person.
Of course, this journey feels lonely sometimes.
Like every woman, I would like to find joy and protection in the arms of a man I love. I’m independent, but I’m also a human being, and I crave affection as much as anyone.
However, I have seen how relationships can be a safety net that stops individuals from falling into their darkness and facing their own depths.
I’m glad today that I must save myself. I’m glad that I don’t have a safety net anymore. Forced to face myself, I find my own strength and swords.
So, the spiritual path is a lonely road, because it’s means evolving freely—far away from attachments for a while.
That said, I still hope that I will find love when the time comes.
The man who will enter my life shall bring protection; however I will wish to remain slightly unprotected. Rescue by outside forces holds women back from personal growth.
When I feel lonely, insecure or sad from being single, I simply remind myself that the right person will come my way when we are both ready—that I need to learn patience.
Patience toward myself, as the soul-journey takes time for everyone. Patience toward the universe.
My perfect match will be willing to grow as well, with clear boundaries so that being together doesn’t take us away from our personal development.
As two spiritually evolved individuals, we will bring unconditional love to one another.
This won’t be about giving love in order to receive love, attention and care as an exchange from a place of neediness or insecurity. We will be together because we appreciate each other’s company—not because we need each other’s support.
I don’t need to worry about being single. When I’m ready for that beautiful adventure, we will cross paths, and I’ll know he is the one.
Author: Sophie Gregoire
Image: Author’s Own
Apprentice Editor: Clifford Henry; Editor: Toby Israel