September 13, 2016

Want Better Sex & Relationships? Heal the Mother Wound.


Do you have persistent issues in sex and relationships that no matter what you do (therapy, healing modalities) do not shift?

If so, they are most likely a result of the mother wound.

Some common mother wound sex and relationship issues include:

  • Feeling shame about sex and/or your genitals
  • Difficulty enjoying sex
  • Feeling perpetually disappointed by men/women
  • Attracting emotionally unavailable partners
  • Infidelity
  • Fear of being abandoned
  • Feeling like a martyr/victim in your relationships
  • Overly care taking

Another result of the mother wound is persistent emotional states that don’t shift. Some common mother wound emotional states that affect relationships are:

  • Guilt
  • Resentment
  • Shame
  • Blame

Most people define the mother wound as something our mother did to us. And, that is part of it, but the deeper issue with the mother wound is how we energetically merge with her.

We spend nine months in her womb, and then as children we are deeply immersed in her energetic field.

This results in us merging with her issues and emotional states, and we then carry those issues and emotional states into our own relationships.

For example, a client of mine spent all of her life feeling incredibly disappointed by men. No matter how much a man loved her or cared for her, she could never shake the feeling of being disappointed by him.

When I asked her if her mother had felt disappointed by her father, a lightbulb went off in her head. As a young child, her father lost his job and became an alcoholic. She remembered her mother often telling her how disappointed she was in her father.

So, the feeling of being disappointed by men, was a merge with mother. As we worked together to disengage her from the merge, she began to feel appreciative of the men in her life.

Another client struggled with feelings of intense shame about her genitals. I asked her if she thought her mother also felt shame about her own genitals. Suddenly, my client remembered a moment when she was about four years old, while sitting on bus, she had place her hand (over her pants) resting on her vagina.

When they got home, her mother screamed at her and told her to never put her hand down there as that was a “bad, dirty place.” So, my client merged with the shame her mother felt about genitalia. As we worked with the merge, my client began to let go of the shame.

The reason we have recurrent patterns and emotional states of being that no matter what we do, we haven’t been able to shift, is because they are not ours. They are a merge with our mother’s, and we cannot heal our mother’s issues for her.

It’s literally impossible.

You can only begin to disengage from the merge.

Here is a powerful process you can use to begin disengaging from the merge:

1) Bring to your mind a recurrent issue or perpetual emotional state that you struggle with. 

Trust whatever pops into your mind.

Take a moment to feel into that issue or emotional state. For example, if you have a fear of being abandoned, image something that elicits that fear and really feel into it.

If you perpetually feel resentful, imagine something that elicits the feeling of resentment.

I know this may not be comfortable, but just hang with me.

2) Now, tune into your body and locate where you feel this pattern or emotion in your body.

What does it feel like on a sensation basis? Is there tightness in your chest? Constriction in your throat?

3) Now, say this to yourself either out loud or in your mind:

“If this pattern or emotional state is not mine, I allow it to leave.”

Then notice how you feel. If you feel any sense of lightness or release, even just a little bit, it’s a pointer that the issue or emotional state does not essentially belong to you.

Doing mother merge work, can help you to quickly shift issues and emotional states.

May we all find healing of the mother wound, and enjoy healthier sex and relationships.


Author: Sarah Kennedy

Images: Flickr/OUCHcharley  ;  Unsplash/Micah H.

Editor: Erin Lawson

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