The Love of your Life only comes after the Mistake of your Life.

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“Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.” ~ Carrie Bradshaw

Perhaps we need to be broken first before we can finally become whole.

Painful love is the worst kind of heartbreak. It’s the one we had such high hopes for, the one we gambled everything for—only to find it was a bet that would never be won.

So we break into a million small pieces of ourselves and wonder how we could have gotten it so wrong.

We make mistakes in love.

We choose people based on the lessons that our souls need to learn without realizing that it’s usually those difficult lessons we need to experience the most.

We can’t be changed by ease and we can’t have our minds broken open by the mundane—instead it can only happen when we are left with nothing but ourselves and our regrets.

Maybe there is no such thing as a mistake if we indeed needed it to learn more about who we are and how we love, but still there are those loves we wish we could rewind and just take back. The ones whose endings were too painful for us to want to permanently claim as part of our history.

But no matter how much we wished that this love was something other than what it was, it will never change the reality that the only reason we needed this love in our lives was to break our hearts.

The thing is, we need that big mistake to help propel us toward the love of our life.

We need to be broken in order to find out how we want to put ourselves back together.

Often times the biggest mistake of our lives is a relationship that we should have walked away from the minute it began—or at the very least should have let go of long before we actually did, and way before it all went downhill.

But we didn’t, and it’s not because that love was meant to be, but because without it we might never have realized what love truly is.

We always have the choice to stay in a relationship that is a constant battle of wills and ideals. Yet, no matter how many times we hope it will end differently, or just maybe work this time around—it never does.

This is because it’s not meant to.

Our mistake is meant to end, usually bitterly, and often catastrophically. Its purpose is to rock us to our core and challenge our very self and our beliefs about love.

We are meant to question what went wrong, and to wonder what love really means to us. This isn’t an overnight process , but one that we need to take the time to immerse ourselves in until we no longer hide from the truth that our hearts whisper.

It’s a state of healing that lets us know that we can send someone our love, but we can also walk away with our heads high and our faith strong knowing that we haven’t messed up the best thing we ever had.

Because the love of our life is out there waiting for us and when we meet there will be no question about why we needed to have our hearts broken in the way we did.

There won’t be battles to conquer, or qualities to be changed. There won’t be unfulfilled needs, or drama around every corner. In reality, this love is going to show us why none of our previous relationships worked out.

Because all along they were only leading us to this—the person who was created just for us, and somehow through the meandering paths that life takes, ended up not being perfect, but still being perfect for us.

Our worst mistake and our deepest heartbreak is only meant to help lead us to the love of our life—because without it, we might never know what that actually looks like.

The love of our life only comes when we are ready for it. When we have broken apart who we thought we should be and instead embraced who we are. This love only appears when we have gained the ability to believe that we deserve what we want.

The love of our life won’t look or feel like anything we’ve ever experienced. It might come softly, or it might even enter as a wrecking ball. It may come dressed as friendship, or perhaps something so hot we thought for sure we would get burned. But, because of that great mistake we are not the same people we once were, so we will approach love differently as well.

We will look for the peace instead of the intensity of the storm.

We will allow ourselves to gaze past the superficial and instead appreciate the energy that this person brings into our lives, reveling in the new-found depths of connection that we are experiencing.

Slowly we will realize that it’s not necessarily who someone is, but rather what type of person they bring out in us that determines whether it’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.

With time, an understanding develops that love should not only feel like it adds value to our lives, but it should also help us become the best possible version of ourselves.

Only a great love can raise us to greatness.

And that’s the thing about the love of our life—it may not end up being who we thought it was, and it may still not come without challenges, but there is just something about it that makes us want to be better.

It’s a love that inspires us, and shows us that perhaps we aren’t scared at all, and that just maybe we haven’t screwed up as badly as we thought we had.

Because finally we realize that our “great mistake” was really a north star all along, leading us to the love of our life.

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~




Elephant Journal: The Mindful Life Podcast.

We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason.


Author: Kate Rose

Image: YouTube

Editor: Nicole Cameron

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Allison Banbury Feb 28, 2019 2:08pm

Emily Dickinson wrote: “To comprehend a nectar requires sorest need.” I believe that it was only after spending 17 painful, lonely, desperate years with my first husband that I was able to fully appreciate the true love of my life–the man to whom I’ve been married for the last 6 years. That is not to say that some (very lucky) folks get it right the first time around. But getting it WRONG can be a profound learning experience, and a point of comparison that makes your “forever relationship” all the sweeter.

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Juanita Perales Sep 18, 2018 4:13am

Miss Kate Rose, I am looking for something that maybe you wrote. It is talk about what you want to tell the love of your life and how good your life could be with him. Do you know of a writing like that? I thought I saved it but I cannot find it now. Thank you for helping me. Juanita Perales, I am on Facebook.

Mandy Keller Aug 21, 2018 4:10pm

Sorry, but sometimes there isn't a mistake. Sometimes people are lucky and find the right person on the first try. First loves DO happen...

Ilan Strasser Jul 27, 2018 6:08am

This all sounds great, but perplexes me. I moved across the country after having a 3 1/2 year long distance relationship. 7 months later, the narcissist I mistook for my true soulmate broke up with me. Within the year, I met someone else and while we were destined to be the very close, wonderful, lifelong friends we are - we never found a romantic spark. Then I met someone I totally connected with. Though I was almost 10 years her senior, we hit it off quickly and everything felt right. She moved in 3 weeks after we met. Three weeks later she started showing some odd symptoms. 5 months later she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. 5 months later, she passed away. She truly seemed to be the one. Neither one of us was perfect, but we were perfect for each other. Can anyone tell me what the hell happened? After the mistake of my life and a sweet detour, wasn't she supposed to be that live of my life you talk about?

Claudette DeSilva Jul 20, 2018 1:51pm

Such a great article..made me cry

Erin Boone Apr 26, 2018 1:45pm

If you believe this then this is what you will manifest in your life :)

Hocus Kaz Apr 12, 2018 11:21pm

What if you've been flogging a dead horse for an alcoholic and his two kids who appreciate nothing you do for them and treat you like an afterthought until you have become a person you are not?!

Franchae Wedderburn Nov 5, 2017 9:42pm

Keep choosing to love

Kitty Hartford Oct 17, 2017 12:13am

Liking and sharing.

Kitty Hartford Oct 17, 2017 12:12am

Each of my ex husbands and lovers taught me something about myself and how to love, and I have no regrets.

Tim Dibble Oct 8, 2017 11:53am

I can’t agree fully—too many people love their high school sweetheart for life. I think the problem is that today the measure keeps getting raised. What made a life mate 100 years ago is barely a decent first date these days.

Jacs Cee Sep 12, 2017 10:58pm

This resonated so deeply within chills reading it...well written and beautifully stated...

Jana Pare Dalton Sep 6, 2017 12:36am

How is it, that every time I read an article that stabs me in the heart in the best possible way, it's written by Kate Rose?! I'm so grateful for the wisdom you share because it always seems to speak to me in the deepest way and gives me just the right wisdom at just the right time. Thank you so much!

Ike Vazladelis Aug 25, 2017 6:03am

Beautifully inspiring!

Crizzy Curls Aug 14, 2017 2:07pm

Just when I thought I couldn't see myself through - BAM! You're way too good, girl!

Gabriella Silva Jul 2, 2017 5:04pm

Sometimes the article looks great, the catchphrase is enticing, but the writing could really use some clean up and editing. Too many its to tell which it is it sometimes. Way too many sentences started with "And" or "But". Too many paragraph breaks where one is not called for, This crap makes it hard to read the article.

Soraya Sunra Jun 22, 2017 12:37pm

Power in your words. Moved me from state of heartbreak to. Perfect gratitude. Gud blessing this Soraya x

Katie McManus May 29, 2017 12:23am

And yet, I still's been years. I've remained patient and positive for years (at least 5), and I just don't see the light yet.

Mac Taffi May 25, 2017 4:00pm

We've been full circle. Sometimes it's not the relationship itself. Sometimes it's trauma within a relationship that years things apart. If both parties are willing & committed, a better, stronger love can be realized. Living proof that ego death is necessary for real unconditional love for all Humanity. And love of all Humanity is what will save us.

Claudia Fischer May 24, 2017 9:40am

You bring so much light to our souls. Thank you.

Emma Feerick Apr 26, 2017 7:49am

Well I just sobbed my way through reading that and so hope it's true for me because 2 years on I feel as broken as ever. xx Beautiful piece

Dana Hewett Mar 16, 2017 11:21am

The third love article got me, I read it over often, but everything you write is amazo

Dana Hewett Mar 16, 2017 11:20am

I appreciate everything you share... I'm in a place right now where you truly speak to my soul. Thank you.

Joyce Nicole Galante Feb 3, 2017 12:52am

I was with the love of my life 31 years since 17 years old and I didn't realize how much I loved him until I lost him. And now I will try to prove to him till my dying day that we should reconcile.

Roxanne Cody Jan 10, 2017 6:55pm

BS lol

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Kate Rose

Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair, swaying her hips to the music of life and smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on TwitterFacebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website.