I just want Someone to F*ckin’ Show Up for Me. {Adult}

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“When it comes down to it, that’s what life is all about: showing up for the people you love, again and again, until you can’t show up anymore.” ~ Rebecca Walker   


I’m not asking for much—all I want is someone to just fuckin’ show up for me.

This isn’t going to be about how independent of a woman I am, or how self-reliant. This won’t even be about finding my “other half” or being such a fierce feminist that I debate whether I even actually need a man.

Because the truth is—I am fuckin’ tired. Exhausted, really. I’m tired of not having someone just show up for me in the simplest way possible, and the only thing I really want is someone to just be here.

I want someone who can show up in the evening, and stay until morning—but more than that, I just want a life with someone. I want to sit in bed next to my lover on a windy, snowy morning while he reads, as I lay my head against him, letting my dark hair trail over his arm. I want to feel the way his morning stubble tickles the soft skin of my collarbone.

I just want someone to fuckin’ show up for me.

Sex is great, and adventure is better, but life with someone who has your back is the best magic there is.

I want to sit over take-out containers of Chinese food, scroll through Netflix and have nights where our biggest decision is which movie we are going to watch. I want to talk throughout the day about what we will do in the evening, and who’s going to cook.

I want to hear about your plans and your schedule, and I want to spend quiet Saturday nights roaming the market aisles laughing as we collect the ingredients for the meal that we’re going to enjoy later.

I want you to see me in the first morning light, and I want to feel your strong hand slide in between my warm breasts and you nudge yourself even closer to me, meeting me in the moment when dreams and reality collide.

I just want someone to fuckin’ show up for me.

Life isn’t all quiet and bliss, but it’s made up of moments of the “in between,” because anyone can smile when the sun is shining—but what I’m after is someone who will give me a reason to dance in the rain.

I want to have someone to take care of me while I’m sick—someone who will stop and pick up medicine and my favorite drink on the way home just because he knows what I need.

And I want to take care of him, even if he never thought he would need it. I want to bring him a cold washcloth when he’s fevered, and run my hand alongside his sweet face as I kiss his forehead letting him know that I will be there no matter what.

I’m done with being alone and pretending that I can somehow find what I want between the distractions and chaos of online dating and Facebook profile checking, because I’m so over the superficial and way beyond the inconsequential.

What I want is the real deal—not just someone who shows up, but someone who stays.

I want to navigate family holidays and laugh together in the middle of the night when we both can’t sleep. I want to kiss him first thing as he walks through the door and lay my head against his chest as the moon shines overhead.

I want to plan a future with him—vacations, dreams, ambitions and the sacrifices to make them happen. I want someone who I can build with, someone who can sit with me in the quiet and just simply be.

I want a man who I won’t need to explain my every thought to, because somehow he’ll just get it.

I want to bump hips as we navigate my small kitchen, and I want to see the way laugh-lines break out around his eyes as I turn up the music and dance, moving my body alongside his, tempting him to let his desire make the most of this moment.

Because all I’m really after is just someone to fuckin’ show up for me.

Show up when I need someone, when I need help—when I don’t know what I need. Be there without me asking him to be, not because he has to, but because there isn’t anywhere else that he would rather be.

I want to have an emergency contact, not just on the forms we have to fill out, but in life. I want a lifeline—someone who will always be there to help me with the things that evade me. And if something happens, and I find myself stranded on a dark road at midnight after having drinks with friends, I want to know that if I call him, he’ll be grabbing his coat before I even say what’s wrong.

I want to be a priority. I want to be important.

I want to someone worth showing up for.

Sure, we can make this relationship as difficult as all of our others have been—and we can go in and out of intimacy, never really appreciating one another—but all of that wears on a soul like mine.

And the thing is—I’ve had enough.

Because in the end, all of the passion and love in the world don’t really matter if someone can’t show up for the person they say they care about.

But more than that, I know that I’m worth it—I know that I am one helluva woman, and that I deserve someone to show up for me every day in all of the small little ways that people often take for granted, but that end up meaning the most.

I want a partner—but more than anything in the world, all I really want is someone to just fuckin’ show up for me—and never leave.



**Author’s note: Love and gratitude to the woman who inspired this piece—may you find someone who will just fuckin’ show up for you soon, and never leave.


Relephant bonusland:




Author: Kate Rose

Image: Flickr/Silentmind8

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina


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Kate Rose

Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair, swaying her hips to the music of life and smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on TwitterFacebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website

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Rigel Angelina Jan 19, 2019 1:48am

The truth every woke woman feels deep in her heart. Thank you so much for this incredible writing. Sending you blessings of peace, love, and light.

Gayle Lange Jan 18, 2019 7:29pm

So well said.. Thank you 🙂

magicalray37 Jan 15, 2019 5:15pm

omfg yesss on point I’ve been saying this forever I just wish I had a me! where is the loyalty n the just gets it ppl

aya.naguib Dec 22, 2018 7:04am

I can totally relate. Thank you, this was a beautiful read.

Kylie Grohoske Oct 22, 2018 8:17am

Really beautiful. Thank you.

Thandeka Gumede Mentoor Oct 20, 2018 7:24pm

I love it Kate...this is exactly how I feel right now...I just need someone to show up and stay. I believe we all yearn for that "somebody " ,we all want to be wanted and feel some sort of security. I do know there is someone out there to give you that..needing exactly what you need. Thank you for sharing...

Cato KC Aug 22, 2018 9:47am

Resonates with me 💕

Julie Wiggins Aug 22, 2018 3:32am

love this

Larry Guetersloh Jul 5, 2018 4:37am


Angela Jones Jun 20, 2018 10:18pm

🙏🏻 Amen

Abdelsalam Awad Jun 16, 2018 11:45am

To be honest 90% of you ladys deserve what they get because when you meet the right man and how does everything for them.they run a way for the assh*le So stop crying.

Karin Elizabeth Botha Jun 15, 2018 7:03pm

One of my favourite articles on elephant journal, you have moved me to tears because this is exactly what I said to my ever elusive boyfriend just the other day.

Kathy Bird Apr 25, 2018 1:32pm

great article.. in my dreams someone would show up.. people any more seem to not want to connect or be connected.. in anyways but online. Everyone is ""busy""

Heather Lynne Allison Hames Apr 2, 2018 5:49am

Exactly!!! After raising children for 27 years and being divorced for the past eight, I am exhausted by the end of the day and some days it feels like there is just too much to deal with and no one to talk things over with or laugh with at the end of the day. I crawl in to bed wishing for that one person who would truly show up for me, someone who has my back. Then I convince myself that I will continue to be fine alone... so your article nailed it. Thank you.

Phillimena A Hopkins Feb 19, 2018 9:46pm

This was everything...the words I have been trying to express...

Cheryl Rich Feb 3, 2018 4:13am

Nice dreams. I have come to accept there has never been nor will there ever be anyone to fucking show up for. It's just the.way my life is.

Chiba Antoine Feb 3, 2018 1:31am

A Great Relationship Require so much Hard work its like great times disguised in overalls …if that makes any sense}

Jennifer Smith Robison Dec 23, 2017 5:23pm

This is one of best articles I've ever read. You said it all so perfectly. I wept and was happy to finally have what was jumbled it my head written down for me. Thank you!

Kenny Jackson Dec 8, 2017 5:16am

I wish I could find the same thing but it's very hard to even take a chance and start looking when every day you are told that you are a worthless piece of trash by society just for being a man. Your article really resonated with me because that is exactly what I want to be for someone and I have tried on several occasions to be that man for someone only to be cast aside like garbage. I honestly hope that you find the man that you are looking because everyone deserves to be happy. Just remember tho he might be a man like me who is too afraid of being hurt again to try or too cowed by society to put himself out their. Best of luck to you tho and I really hope you find what you are looking for.

Amandeep Singh Dec 7, 2017 3:33pm

I love it amazing

Kelly Picard Nov 20, 2017 3:24pm

I feel the sentiment of your article and appreciate your willingness to expose such intimate longing. I can not tell you how many times I have felt the same way. This is in truth neither a male nor female lament but it seems to me a problematical perspective in that it is rooted in the other. My path has taught me that only in showing up for myself and developing a practice of self care/growth through yoga and meditation did my partner suddenly appear. In appearing my partner in turn allowed a deeper practice.

Kiran Grewal Nov 18, 2017 3:19am

This is really so good. I was going through the same emotions at present. unbelievable.

Jessica Arocho Nov 15, 2017 2:01pm

💖💜💛💚💙 just like that... yes!

Tracy Carroll Oct 24, 2017 4:43am

You spoke my soul wish!

Susana Azabal Oct 8, 2017 12:35pm

I love it and sadly share it with you

Kirk M West Sep 10, 2017 3:44pm

Excellent! I feel the desire to put together a male version of this very relevant piece. Well done.

Ben McGarity Aug 26, 2017 2:56pm


Adriana Hamorova Aug 5, 2017 12:57pm

The Soul-Mate Relationship https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38-9LUA_0rc&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1eDIdXU8YQ&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDmj5ofhrS4&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmigKz-xPBQ&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rI1Dlc28lWQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3QMDlFti4Y&t=247s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thM2r6pBzJk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wMPp76hbTE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb7KHMe_zns Processing Addictions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZb6BrATgT8&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-RWkUdHybQ&feature=youtu.be Fear & Addiction https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lBbmfl_etU&feature=youtu.be Denial & Addiction https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMJKj158XkE&feature=youtu.be Expectations & Addictions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE--3bDZUhc&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0jEx4bzMwo&feature=youtu.be Law Of Attraction (the real one) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTfpo-nMauE&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYKnROSr9xQ&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkaMTHJyJlw&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avHJy_4VeV8&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtt9--upBdQ&feature=youtu.be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZKgZah0hXg

Rob Garity Aug 2, 2017 9:55pm

Completely feel the same way! I like that "best magic there is," too! After 24 yrs, wife asked for a divorce back in March! Thank you for this article, it's frustrating and mind boggling that trust is so hard to come by now, this culture is exhausting!