We’ve all been subject to at least one relationship that’s threatened our personal power.
We may have become so entrenched in it, we could no longer speak up or stand up for ourselves.
Sadly, when this friend, lover or family member invited us into their wacky world, we went willingly—and then we stayed.
Unaware, we left ourselves unprotected and were subject to a twisted reality, which we began to co-enable and co-create with our intense friend.
When I say “intense,” I’m referring to the self-centered, dramatic people in our lives who expect us to give to them in ways they don’t even give to themselves.
These relationships appear unhinged and karmic because the dynamics are eons away from being mutually honest and transparent. It almost seems the other person is playing a game with our hearts and minds, so we no longer see ourselves or the relationships clearly.
Who am I talking about?
The folks who regularly chip away at our truth, time, self-esteem and emotional well-being. Instead of lovingly lifting us up, in most instances, they maneuver to advance their position at our peril. They hold our heads slightly beneath the water’s surface so we can’t speak or breathe. This disrespectful treatmentfurther compounds the dynamic, as well as our misery.
We are naturally attracted to egoistic spectacles. For centuries, we’ve loved melodrama in our celebrities and long-enabled it in our families. Meanwhile, many of us actively sought it out in friendships, romance and business. Somehow we were eternally attracted to relationships with kooky, intense people.
Since we naturally seek out what is familiar, we were responsible when kooky histrionics showed up in our lives and moved in. Fortunately, we can kick them out at any time.
Sensational melodrama can be fun for a while, as it often invites fascinating circumstances. While it usually requires that we endure discomfort and disruption, all the madness usually comes with gifts and surprises too, like 5-star adventures, refreshing spontaneity and hourly oral sex. How do we put a stop to something that sometimes balances out to awesome? More importantly, why would we want to?
Although there is measure of value upon our dance with mania, the problems begins when it is at the helm; we don’t realize just how much the other parts of our souls and lives have been delayed and detoured. As we gaze at the world wearing kooky-colored glasses, we have limited awareness of just how f*cked up the rest of our commitments and relationships have become.
Craziness and melodrama are drugs akin to sugar, cocaine and greed. They’re addictive, dangerous and misleading. We might think we’re enjoying a relationship with a phenomenon, but just like any activity that subverts our value, copulating with Ms. Kooky or Mr. Crazy-pants is nothing but self-sacrificial.
Our introduction to egocentricity often comes from our siblings, parents and family circumstances. Unknowingly, we often recreate situations related to our upbringing. But just because we were born into madness doesn’t mean we have to stay there.
It’s okay to have a little crazy-intelligence in the house, but if the dynamics continually create roller-coasters, it might be time to ask, “What the f*ck am I doing here?” and “What am I getting out of this?”
When crazy-intelligence is healthy, it pushes us to think outside the box, inspires us to plan wonderful events and helps us come up with mind-blowing ideas. When crazy-intelligence is our friend, it builds bridges, enhances our lives and improves our self-worth. But if untenable craziness dominates, it’s nothing more than a beautifully-decorated weapon designed to bring us down.
Weaning off of melodrama can be a nightmare. It requires being honest about what we want and what truly makes us happy. It requires a great deal of self-reflection and letting go.
The process of absolving ourselves from someone else’s egocentricity and melodrama will bring up anger, sadness, guilt and shame. If we’re successful, it’ll also inspire tough-minded confrontations with the person and our ability to make proactive changes and stick to them.
When we’ve enrolled ourselves in someone else’s chaos, we lose touch with what brings us peace. In the midst of mayhem, we forget how to nurture our hearts and defend our life-vision.
If you’ve been eating at the kooky, karma table and desire a rebirth, follow this plan:
1. Make note of the things you’ve learned from all the drama: the good, the bad and the super f*cked-up. Celebrate the lessons and be grateful.
2. Make a list of the wonderful things and people in your life, then fill your schedule with them.
3. Before you add something new to your life, ask yourself, “Will this person or event enhance my happiness, awareness and life-conditions or will it detract from them?”
4. Say goodbye to egocentricity and imbalance, either in-person, phone, text or via a loving friend who’s willing to take a bullet for you. It can be a sentence, book, video or one-person play. Just get ‘er done.
5. Never look back. Ever.
If we enjoy the unpredictable drama in our lives and can use it for our own evolution, then maybe we’ve mastered it. For the rest of us, saying goodbye to Ms. Kooky or Mr. Crazy-pants is the moment when our lives begin.
Author: Paul Wagner
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock