“I want a relationship where people look at us and say, “You can tell God put them together.” ~ Unknown
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Once you realize what you want, it becomes easier to turn down what you don’t.
I realized suddenly that perhaps my biggest problem with love is that what it’s become for most people isn’t what I’m truly after. I’m not meant to love conveniently or in mediocre shallow ways to fill the empty space in my bed.
And so, I’ve realized that I just don’t have the stomach for the fast food kind of love that seems to be all the rage right now. It’s available on every corner, and we pick what looks good in the moment, but we know it’s not really good for us.
We get it fast, devour it fast and then wonder why we’re left feeling sick and unsatisfied.
It’s an epidemic—we supersize our fears and cut out all the healthy bits. We think that because it’s mass-produced and readily available that somehow it will end up fulfilling us, because if everyone else is doing it, then it must be good, right?
We shop for this kind of love on the internet and somehow think that by swiping left, we can let love right into our hearts. But this “love” is bland and full of additives—and it doesn’t even come close to truly satisfying our craving for love.
So we come back—again and again—thinking perhaps this time will be different…
Yet all we are left with is a heavy feeling in our hearts and a sickness in our stomachs.
Love isn’t meant to be fast.
There is no way to take a shortcut to the finish line, because love isn’t about where we end up, but the path we take to get there.
That’s why I’ve given up the fast food love lane. No longer will I let myself sink into disillusionment, thinking that what works for others will ever work for me.
Because now I know that I’m after the whole damn dining experience.
I want Grandma’s soul food.
There isn’t a menu around that has what I want listed on it, and quite frankly, I’m tired of how everyone else claims to know exactly what it is that I need—because they don’t.
I want ambiance and the momentary magic that occurs when something unseen in another is suddenly recognized by my own subconscious.
I want to take my time, and I want to nourish my soul.
I want to languidly prepare a homemade meal from ingredients that I grew myself, loving the process and doing it right. I want to taste everything I prepare, and if it doesn’t seem quite right—I’m going to try again.
I want cilantro and sage, fresh peaches and roasted sweet potatoes, collard greens and apple pie.
I want a love that leaves me satisfied, and there just isn’t any way that’s ever going to happen with something—or someone—that I can find on any street-corner.
The thing with love is that we forget it’s a process. It’s about combining two personalities to see what they can create together—sometimes it’s fire and sometimes it’s just plain chaos, but if we don’t give it a chance, we end up cutting ourselves short of an experience that our souls need.
I want a love I know I helped create.
I want take so much pride in it that I let its succulent juices dribble down my chin, staining my white nightgown with the real love I’ve found.
I want a four-course love affair—one where the appetizer is just as important to the overall experience as the dessert is. I want us to take our time, tasting the best parts of ourselves and letting ourselves fall in love the slow way…the right way.
I want to learn how to tend to my lover, just as I had to learn to cultivate the harvest that I reap—because in this life, what we put in is what we get back.
And though I’ve probably had to learn this lesson the hard way (as most of my lessons have been), I am no longer after a fast food kind of love.
I plan on taking my time, and I know that what I am after is something special—something unique. And I know that not everyone will want that or be able to provide it for me, and I’m okay with that, because I know that what I have to offer will be perfect for the heart that is meant to love me.
And maybe he’ll be tired of the fast food love lane too.
Perhaps he’ll be ready to roll up his sleeves and get dirty with me in the kitchen, or maybe he’s just gonna sit back, sipping on a glass of sweet tea, and watching how my hips move as I make something that we both can never seem to get enough of.
But regardless of how it happens, the one thing that I know for sure is that this time it will be different. This time it’s going to be less about the results, and more about the process. It’s going to be less dollar menu and more locally-grown, organic good stuff.
If it’s not nourishing our souls, then maybe it’s just not love.
Because the best kind of love will always leave us satisfied, yet also wanting just a bit more.
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“There’s no rule that says I have to live life like everyone else.” ~ Unknown
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Relephant:
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Author: Kate Rose
Image: Instagram @hangryhunny
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
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