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January 25, 2017

The Good News about Breakups.

 

Breakups are bad news—at least that’s what it can look like on the surface.

As someone who has entered into many relationships in the past, I’ve dealt with the embarrassment those failures can cause. I never liked admitting that these relationships hadn’t worked out.

But my perspective on breakups changed recently. I realized that I was proud of having endured those endings.

I know for sure that if it weren’t for my failed relationships, I wouldn’t have succeeded in building “me.”

Looking back at every emotional failure, I’m happy to say that breakups can be good news. I wish my current self could travel to the past and tell this to my old, pathetic self who thought it was the end of the world after every single breakup.

But I also understand my old self.

The end of a relationship is tough and scary. Not only do we have to deal with the loss of someone we dearly love, but we also have to deal with the uncertainty of the future.

The pain we experience can often blind us. Because we suffer so greatly during a breakup, we aren’t able to see the silver lining. But if we investigate our previous breakups, we may realize that these moments weren’t the end—they were just the beginning.

Here are five reasons why:

An end to confusion.

Breakups happen when relationships are suffering. And if a relationship was destructive or unhealthy, there was probably a lot of confusion associated with it.

Maybe we lived in constant fear of what would become of the relationship and if it was going to work out or not. Or maybe we were constantly exhausted from putting in too much or enduring too much—our energy became depleted.

When we break up, all that confusion can end. It sounds silly, but after my last breakup, I was relieved to not have to ask myself anymore, “Will he ever change?” I didn’t like the answer, but hey, at least now I knew.

Embracing change.

Change can feel like our worst enemy—until we experience the benefits it brings. Looking back at my failed relationships, I often ask myself, “Would I have wanted to stay stuck in a bad situation for the rest of my life?” The answer is obviously, no.

It can be daunting to face a new kind of life after having lived one we were happy with. But the good news is that we eventually adapt, no matter how long it takes.

Be grateful for this change, because this change is bringing something better your way. Sometimes, we just need to make space for new things to emerge in our lives. And the first step toward doing this is to let go of the old and embrace the new.

Personal growth.

Our personal growth is prompted by many factors. One of these factors happens to be breakups. When we go through emotional trauma or experience the loss of someone we love, we grow on many levels. We put on a new lens and filter life differently.

Growth is the unexpected gift that stems from breakups. When we lose so much, we become tough and are better able to handle all the losses. And that can’t be bad news.

Our purpose in life is to grow, but it never happens easily. Embrace what feels like the “bad” in life, because it is only there to bring out the good in you.

Re-evaluation.

When we’re leading a happy life, we rarely stop to evaluate ourselves—since everything is going just fine. However, breakups are one of those blessings that impel us to have an honest conversation with ourselves. We examine where we may have gone wrong and how we can work on being better.

When something ends, our instinct is to begin something new. Breakups allow us to venture into new territory and experience unusual things about ourselves. When we evaluate ourselves after the end of relationships, it can feel like rereading an old book for the very first time.

Open that book, and read it carefully—you will see the text in a whole different light.

Independence.

Breakups can often be good news because we are forced to challenge our ideas of independence and test our self-reliability.

Before breaking up with my former partner, I didn’t know how to be alone. When we broke up, I perfected the art of depending on myself, which is great news for my future relationships.

We never know when we might meet the person with whom we’ll spend the rest of our life. So take advantage of the time you have for yourself—it’s the time for self-exploration and growth.

 

Author: Elyane Youssef

Image: ElizabethHudy/Flickr

Editor: Nicole Cameron

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