January 16, 2017

Why Some Loves feel Unfinished, even After we’ve Let Go.


Our lives are full of friendships, relationships and encounters with others—and with some of these connections, when they’re done, they’re done.

We remember them fondly, but we never wonder what if. There is a complete sense of closure.

With other relationships, we feel the complete opposite.

Many of us have at least one relationship that ended, but we still feel as if something is unfinished. It’s as if a part of us is waiting for closure even though we know, and understand, that it’s over.

No matter how much soul-searching we do or how much we try to console our heart, we still wonder. We still wait.

Maybe we are meant to meet again, maybe there is more. This may be true for some, but in most cases, the dynamic is confusing and unclear. We know we don’t want this person back. Yet this “unfinished” feeling makes us resurrect them over and over again in our thoughts.

For me, the penny dropped when I finally owned my feelings of being “unfinished.”

When I sat with this feeling, this is what I realised:

The “unfinished” feeling wasn’t connected to one specific person. It was connected to the desires I felt I had the potential to fulfill with this person. 

For example, in one of my relationships I believed I could fulfill my desire to be a wife and mother. In another instance, I felt I had the potential to fulfill my desire to have a deeply-spiritual and tantric connection. When these relationships ended I not only let go of the person involved, I let go of the desires I had hoped to achieve with them.

It is human nature to associate our dreams with people. When someone activates our deepest desires, we tend to make our dreams all about them without realising that these desires are our goals and what we want to achieve from our lives. They are our purpose and passion.

When we let go of this person, of this relationship, what we unknowingly do is let go of our purpose and passion in life. When we are not connected to our purpose and passion, we feel incomplete and empty—we feel unfinished.

In my case, when this person left I became disconnected from what I wanted to fulfill. I held onto the memories of this relationship through this feeling of “unfinished-ness,” ensuring that I would remember what I was here for.

Our bodies have an interesting and almost magical way of communicating with us. My body chose to remind me of what I wanted and desired through the memories of old lovers and relationships.

In the past, due to feelings of unworthiness, I put my desires in the hands of others hoping they would fulfill them for me. The only way I felt safe to think about these desires was through memories of old loves, which gave me the false sense that I could only manifest these dreams if I was reunited with this person and given the opportunity to accomplish what felt unfinished.

Once I understood this, I felt safe enough to fully own my desires. I realised that only I have the power to manifest them.

With this clarity, I’m now able to offer questions that can help others find the same peace:

1) Who are the people you feel “unfinished” with? 
2) What did you desire from this person or this relationship?
3) Do you still believe in this dream?
4) Do you believe that you can achieve this dream on your own?

While these questions are simple, they are important and require a great deal of honesty.

This has nothing to do with the people we once loved—it’s always been about us and our capacity to believe that we are worthy of having all our wildest dreams fulfilled.

It relates to our tendency to give away our power when we believe we aren’t capable of achieving our dreams. But our dreams and desires are our most precious powers.

We accomplish them when we own them as ours. They cannot be traded for people, relationships, or even for love.

Our desires give us a glimpse of all we are worthy of and have the potential to achieve in this life. They are what we are here to do. When we give them away, we give away our reason for existence. The good news is that it’s never too late to reclaim and recall all that we’ve left behind and given away in the past.

The past is the past.

Let us step into the present and start calling back all the dreams and desires that we gave away.

Reclaim all the dreams we ever had, however small or trivial they may seem.

Recall all the visions we glimpsed, however impossible they once appeared.

Embrace all our deepest desires, however unrealistic they may feel.

The most important lesson we can learn from these relationships and the meaning behind this “unfinished” feeling is that we are never unfinished with anyone as long as we remain connected to ourselves.


Author: Deepthi Amin

Image: Courtesy of author

Editor: Nicole Cameron


Read 16 Comments and Reply

Read 16 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Deepthi Amin