How to Heal our Traumatized Inner Child.

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“Acknowledge your inner child. Even though we have found the light in ourselves today, we sometimes forget to heal old wounds of our past. Your inner child still needs to be loved in order to heal the complete self.” ~ Karen A. Baquiran

~

Once, we were all kids.

We were naive and helpless, small and frightened in the big, authoritative world. As such, we feel discomfort and helplessness when we are in situations we consider to be dangerous.

The child in us is hurt, hidden in a dark corner of the room, and he is afraid to come out into the light. He’s been sitting and waiting for someone to save him from that darkness for years. The only person who can save him is himself—now as an older, mature person. Otherwise, he will never heal his wounds and recover from the trauma of the past.

We have neglected our inner child, just as we may have been neglected as children. We took on the negative beliefs and patterns of those who treated us badly. They convinced us that we deserved it, that hate is the only way, that people are bad, and we should not trust anybody. And these beliefs from childhood have played a huge role in our present life.

That’s why we’ve wandered aimlessly, and without meaning, for so long. We’ve looked for love in the wrong people, and for happiness in material things. We’ve always felt unhappy, unloved, and misunderstood. And that’s how our inner child feels all the time. When we neglect ourselves, we are neglecting our inner child and we repress his suffering.

We need to reconnect with the injured parts of ourselves and heal them once and for all. To stop blaming ourselves for things we didn’t do, and the mistakes we did make. Whenever we feel fear, sadness, shame, or anger, the child within us is screaming to be heard—but we don’t hear him above the noise in our minds.

We don’t even know he exists. And now is the time to make amends.

We need to love our inner child, to accept and forgive him, thereby forgiving ourselves.

As a child, I felt guilty each time my parents had a quarrel. I was made to feel worthless by children who made fun of me in school. I felt lonely without any friends. As a result, I became distrustful, depressive, withdrawn. Things might have been different if I had fostered communication with myself, if I had loved myself back then.

Years later, I have now overcome depression. I stopped the blaming and I forgave myself. Now, I nurture myself emotionally and spiritually. The child in me has healed.

The first thing I did was tell my inner child “I love you. Don’t be afraid, I’m here.” I felt strange, speaking to myself. But then I looked in the mirror and saw the sadness in my eyes. A part of me still suffered and wanted to be loved.

After some practice, I felt calmer and more self-confident. This was the beginning of healing the wounds of my past.

After that, I did a guided meditation for the child within me. I felt a great connection with the child that I had been, and I cried for her and all of the feelings I had repressed. This was the second phase of healing.

In the next, the third in a row, I wrote from my inner child, to my current self, telling myself how I felt. And then I wrote a second letter from myself to my inner child. I felt a great relief as my emotions discharged on a paper.

I felt the hurt return for the last time, and then it stopped. I promised my inner child that from now on, I would take care of her, that I’d devote more attention to her, by listening to my inner voice, my intuition, and following my feelings. I promised I would love her and not allow anyone to hurt her anymore.

One last method was looking at a picture of myself as a child. I journeyed back to my childhood, finding my memories and feelings, re-living my experiences. Something about this method is so deep and powerful. Looking into the eyes of the child we were, we get a perspective of how and why we felt that way. We understand and learn the lessons from our past.

We must remember that if we don’t cherish ourselves and provide unconditional love, no one will.

~

Author: Jana Tosic

Image: Micah H./Unsplash

Editor: Catherine Monkman

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Jana Tosic

Jana Tosic is a freelance writer interested in mental health, self-improvement and personal development topics. She’s on the road of life changes and she takes her past experiences as her greatest knowledge about herself, life and others. She enjoys being in nature, having a great time with her family and writing.

Karen A. Baquiran Oct 20, 2017 2:09am

I love this article so much. Healing my inner child has been such a journey and I always encourage people to go in there and love them too. I appreciate your words and am also so humbled that you shared my quote at the beginning of the article. So glad that you were able to express it further. ❤️❤️❤️

Ben Runciman Apr 28, 2017 9:23am

Jana Tosic Let us know if you are ever near Tauraga NZ. Cup of tea? =]

Jana Tosic Apr 28, 2017 9:17am

Thanks, Ben, for your kind words. I am honoured to hear that. I wish you all the best in your future work and look forward to connecting with you!

Ben Runciman Apr 24, 2017 4:05am

Jana, This is beautifly writen and is dripping with truth and sinserity. Thank you for witing this!! My wife and I walk people hand in hand through the process you have decribed in the same way that we have found rest for our inner kids=]. Benandjess.org is our website. Thanks again! I so appiciate your candid clarity and openness! Warm regards Ben

Prasanna Swamy Mar 28, 2017 12:03pm

Hi Jana! Thank you so much for that precious article. It gives me hope, more than anything else. I feel like you've already started a process of healing for me. Can you send me some of your resources too? I can't wait to get started with this. I can't wait to lift this heavy, fearsome, depressive weight from my shoulders. Looking forward to your response. And looking forward to freedom! Thanks again. My email address: [email protected]

Freelance Web Content Writing Mar 3, 2017 11:28am

Dear Mim, I was very touched by your words. I would like to help in any way I can. So I'll send you an email with certain resources that would benefit you. I know that your meeting with the child in you will be full of emotions and you need to be prepared for that. I also know that you will be cured, because you have a will and you are curious to find ways of healing. Thank you for the trust shown to me, I wish you all the best.

Mim Grace Mar 2, 2017 1:24pm

Dear Jana, Your article means so much to me...I am 73 and have not yet healed my inner child who carries great fear and anger. Any books you would recommend? or websites? I'd appreciate it. Mim Grace [email protected]

Freelance Web Content Writing Mar 1, 2017 9:42pm

Thank you, Sandy, for your sincere words. It`s wonderful to read another story about recovery from a childhood trauma. I like to hear when someone admit to himself that he has a problem and is willing to solve it. Acknowledgement is the first step towards change. Learning never stops. Low emotions come and go. A child who we were stays with us. Therefore it is important to heal him and love him. Without that we are incomplete.

Freelance Web Content Writing Mar 1, 2017 9:15pm

Thanks, Chris, for your kind words. Of course it is not easy, it won`t happen overnight. And it took me several months to heal the wounded child within me. But it ultimately depends on the size of the experienced trauma and pain. The process which I used was my saviour. Especially the method with the picture from my childhood. I immediately felt a connection. I`m glad to hear that you feel much better now and I know that you`re on the right track. I wish you all the best!

Sandy Kotan Mar 1, 2017 5:19pm

When I ran out of people to blame for my life and had to face the cold, hard fact that I was the 'defective' one in all my relationships - I went to a wonderful counsellor who led me in a series of hypnotherapy sessions to allow me to meet my inner child (nearly 18 years ago now). The first time we met, she screamed at me. She kicked me, bit me, and told me I never took care of her. So much pain. That is how my path to healing began. In our last sesson, we met, held hands and played together. I am nearing 53 years now and I am a much happier, well-adjusted person. Though I am still learning, and still have those 'triggers' which can bring me down. But not for long, and I those scars no longer enslave me. Thank you for sharing your story, it resonates.....

Chris Reynolds Mar 1, 2017 1:01pm

You make the process sound so easy! I know you know, as do I from experience, that the process is not a quick fix. There are years of work to get to where you seem to be, and to where I hope to be. I hope people reading your article do not get discouraged when the results are not as instantaneous as today's fast-moving world might lead them to hope for. There is no app that will provide instant succour for that hurt one inside. It has taken me years of work with a very wonderful therapist, other work in several areas and in workshops such as Onsite, for me to have really started to peel all those layers of armor away to get to a place where I could see and really feel that child hurting and so raw. It is a very daunting, yet rewarding experience to finally see him, and to be able to start to heal thru support and love. It is not quick, yet it is essential. There are so very many of us that need to go thru this process, but sadly most will not. Thank you for bringing this to all of our attention, I pray people will take your words to heart.

Freelance Web Content Writing Mar 1, 2017 9:02am

I'm very glad you found your way to healing. And that way always leads to the child who we were. I`m sending you a big hug. :)

Freelance Web Content Writing Mar 1, 2017 8:27am

You`re welcome! Thanks for reading. :)

Freelance Web Content Writing Mar 1, 2017 8:26am

I`m glad to hear that. Best wishes to you! :)

Melanie Jackson Feb 28, 2017 11:11pm

Thank you for your thoughtful and spot-on discourse on the healing of our inner child. I recently went through a crisis that stemmed from repressing my own inner child and some traumatic memories that occurred when I was seven years old. This healing brought with it beautiful gifts like writing prose and poetry, a slow but steady deminishment of shameful feelings that were not tied to the present and greater intimacy with loved ones. Our inner child is powerful and wondrous. Her healing is life-changing.

Jamie Babbit Feb 28, 2017 9:32pm

Brilliant! Thank you.

Maryann Luttrell Feb 28, 2017 6:48pm

so helpful! thankyou�