What Shaving My Head Taught Me about Being a Woman.

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“Have you ever thought about growing out your hair and putting on a dress?”

I was on the phone with a guy I hooked up with in college. He was in the military, and I had a buzz cut and wore my brother’s shoes to class. He was gone weeks after I met him, but his words stayed with me.

I’ve had a buzz cut for the better part of a decade.

At 16, I got my long, wavy blonde hair cut off after having dreads and also getting diagnosed with a debilitating illness. In the chair at the salon, a small man named George cut my hair off in increments, saying after each cut, “I could leave it this short?”

After he asked this a couple of times I had to say, “I want a buzz cut. If you don’t give me one, I’ll leave here and find someone who will.”

My new haircut was gorgeous. I was too sick to remember if people reacted. A couple years after getting it cut, I do remember receiving a ridiculous amount of compliments from people who adored it. One woman whispered to me in the store, “It looks amazing, but I would never have the nerve to do that.”

The nerve to do what? I was living my life like any woman. The only difference was my self-confidence didn’t reside in my hair.

This is what having a shaved head has taught me about being a woman:

People will judge us.

“If you do that, people will think you’re a lesbian.”

I was at the mall, walking with a tall, biracial man I was in love with. I was talking about getting my face pierced. He told me that the piercing combined with my haircut would lead people to think I was gay.

Who cares?

It doesn’t matter what we do—people will judge us based on what they believe a woman should be. If we don’t have much hair, people think we’re gay. If we have too much hair, people think we’re bimbos. If we have tattoos or piercings or date people outside our own race, people will judge.

I’m proud to say I’m not the kind of woman who gives any kind of f*ck what people think.

We are expected to fit into a mold.

“Why don’t you grow back your hair? It was so pretty.”

I was talking to my grandmother. She’s said this countless times over the years. She couldn’t see the gorgeous person I was. She could only see the pretty young lady who shaved off her best asset.

We’re expected to be pretty.

Docile.

Obedient.

Charming.

I’ve never really been any of these things.

Without hair, I was free to grow into the strong, beautiful woman I was destined to become. When we shed our skins and inhibitions, we blossom into women who are free to be anything they wish.

Shaving my head helped me to be free of the mold society expected me to fit in. Of course, I felt pressured at times to grow back my hair—so much so that I did for over a year before I shaved it off again. I couldn’t stand it.

I had fallen in love with the perfect shape of myself—my shaved head.

We are infinitely stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

“Damn! You look sexy as hell.”

I was at work talking to a woman who was formerly homeless but had secured housing through my organization. I had just cut my hair back off after growing it out for over a year.

I haven’t looked back since.

Our appearance does not equal our worth. We are not the equivalent of our hair, our teeth, our nails, or our skin. We are stronger than that. We are better than that.

We are women who dare to risk everything because we see a better future. We see a world where our daughters don’t have to wear a dress to be pretty. We see a reality where our grandchildren can dress or look however they please—and not be judged for it.

We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Shaving off my hair didn’t make me strong—but it made me realize how bold, beautiful, and amazing I am with or without hair.

I grew into my best self because a ponytail wasn’t holding me back. I was born to be the shape of a free-formed space and nothing—especially not my hair—matters compared to my happiness. It is incredibly insignificant.

Shaving my head taught me that I don’t have to live within others’ expectations of me. I only need to be at peace with myself and love myself before I can become anything worthwhile to the world.

We can be anything we want because we are strong; we are beautiful; and we are life.

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Author: Jenn Ryan

Image: Author’s Own

Editor: Travis May

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Jenn Ryan

Jenn Ryan is a freelance writer who’s passionate about natural health. After being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at the age of 16, which had her on chemotherapy for nearly five years, Jenn found out that she just had a gluten intolerance that was causing all her symptoms. Today she remains in great health and loves running, reading, and playing with her four rescued rabbits. You can find out more about Jenn and her work at her website.

Jenn Ryan Feb 13, 2018 9:22pm

Thank you Gricelda!

Jenn Ryan Feb 13, 2018 9:22pm

Thank you so much Allison! I'm glad to hear you are rocking the silver streaks, it sounds beautiful!

Jenn Ryan Feb 13, 2018 9:20pm

Thank you Jenny!

Gricelda Osuna Burkhart Jan 12, 2018 6:13am

I liked this a lot

Elephant Journal Mar 14, 2017 2:44pm

A comment from the author: Thank you so much for your comment! I was speaking from my own personal experience. If women choose to have hair because they enjoy it, of course that choice should be celebrated. My appearance is not a protest or a statement--I just love it. Thank you for pointing out that at times our choices can be in reaction to others' expectations rather than in response to our own preferences. ~ Jenn

Jerzy Zagroba Mar 13, 2017 9:02pm

Pam Murphy Butler Yes, I'm experimenting. I had been shaving my face and head for many years... but I've reconsidered after exploring the subject deeper few months ago. I've always entertained a general "feel" that nature cannot be improved upon and even though altering the body in one form or another has been going on for millenia... if you consider the motives you'll almost always find that social inequality, profit, control and ego had been at the root of it.

Allison W. Cone Mar 13, 2017 2:26pm

Thank you for sharing your experience and insight with us! I have an almost opposite hair experience in that my mum kept my hair cut short when I was growing up, think pixie cuts. When I went out on my own, I did a lot of experimenting with my hair and look. I found that I wasn't self-conscious about whether society approved of my look though, as a lot of my female friends who had long flowing tresses as children are now. What I do with my hair now is, like you, an expression of my "self" not based on social expectations. It's long and streaked with silver. The expectation I ignore now is that idea that I "should color or at least cover the gray". I just roll my eyes at folks who say that to me now. I wish folks would find better things to do than judge others by their appearance! Anything more enlightened folks like yourself can do to spread the word and help society become less shallow is not only welcome but necessary if we have any hope of socially advancing. Keep up the great work!!

Pam Murphy Butler Mar 13, 2017 11:31am

Fascinating, thnks for the link. I found it a bit tricky to separate science from philosophy. Do you buy it? Do you keep your hair long?

Pam Murphy Butler Mar 13, 2017 11:23am

Thanks for your article, I can relate in some ways. I went from very long to super short (not fully buzzed as there was a bit more on the top) for charity, 3 years ago, in my late-40s. Salt & pepper hair meant I had a very particular look! Last time my hair was this short I was at univeristy, a youthful brunette. Short hair does bring out something different in me, though I found it to be quite feminine too. Now it's just reaching my shoulders. I'm growing it out again to cut it off again for charity - why not? :). Changing your look can be challening, it can move you otu of your comfort zone, and it challenges those around you too. Not everyone like my new look!

Jerzy Zagroba Mar 13, 2017 7:08am

Look deeper: https://www.quantumbalancing.com/spiritualhair.htm

Richard Hall Mar 11, 2017 8:57pm

Did you actually READ the article?

Kirsten Milliron Mar 11, 2017 6:30pm

Lol

Anne-Marie Johnstone Mar 10, 2017 10:00pm

I am 75! My hair is shaved , no 5, at the moment! I love it, I am comfortable, feel good about myself and who I am! One of the best things I have do Everything!

J Sirkka Wirkki Mar 10, 2017 5:23pm

The next step for this young woman is to realize that "pretty" and feminine do NOT equal weak and "docile." Also, if a woman happens to LIKE clothing, hair, etc. that LOOKS like it fits "into a mold" this does NOT mean she is doing what is expected of her -- it means that she LIKES this and CHOOSES this because she LIKES it. I am SO SICK of some women ASSUMING that all women who like looking pretty and being feminine are weak and stupid and un-evolved. SOME of us have actually evolved to the point that our appearance is not a protest or a statement -- which is indirectly STILL ruled by others' expectations (only in the reverse). Our appearance is all about and simply about pleasing ourselves. When you reach that point, dear author of this essay, THEN you are TRULY strong and free.

Jenny King Mar 10, 2017 3:31pm

Great article! I shaved my head for different reason less than 2-months ago. You made some really great points that I can relate too. I am pleased to read that your health is in good standing.