You used to plague me. A curse of womanhood that brought pain, cramps, cravings, and craziness.
You kept me at home, in baggy clothing feeling inexpressive, unfree, and overwhelmed.
No longer will I look at you as a curse. Period.
But it took time for me to honor you—to fully embody your monthly magic, your wisdom, your deep cleansing.
You wanted to get loud first—so loud I would stop listening to the commands of the patriarchy: “Contain it. Hide it. Numb it. Go to work. Smile. Pop an aspirin. Chug espresso. Be energized. Be happy. Be nice. Be productive.”
There was no time for wild, for messy, for wetness.
And my body wanted this so bad—to feel free to move and flow and to have space to process. Each month, something wanted to die to make room in my consciousness, and something wanted to be born from juicy creativity.
I craved it. I yearned for it. But I had no idea how to get there.
So, I let you, my period, guide me. But in order to reach my full surrender to learn from you, I needed to hit rock bottom.
First, you disappeared for two years after I stopped taking the pill.
Then, you came back every month with a two-week long vengeance, giving me seven days of brownish-black blood, and seven days of clotty, heavy red blood.
Each month, you made me respect you and forced me to let go. You demanded my attention like the goddess Kali, sweeping through my being and releasing all that did not serve me. You left me exhausted and unable to show up for my job and relationships.
But what I needed most, and you knew this, was the relationship with myself.
Broken and exhausted, I surrendered to you.
My lower lips that you flowed through for those two weeks became the lips birthing a powerful new voice, which told me to pause and let change happen.
So, I paused and listened. And I felt your inner rhythm.
Your rhythm was the cycle of my inner seasons. And you taught me how to harmonize with them:
>> To manifest with the abundant energies of expansive ovulation, my inner summer.
>> To contract and fully let go in the grounding energies of my luteal phase, my inner autumn.
>> To rebirth in my menstrual phase, my inner winter.
>> And to grow seeds of new intentions with the renewed energy of my follicular phase, my inner spring.
You invited me to eat nutritiously for these four phases to reduce PMS and increase fertility.
Expansive, vibrant, and fertility-boosting foods for my inner summer.
Grounding, nourishing, naturally-sweet, and protein-rich meals for my inner fall.
Warming, mineral replenishing, anti-inflammatory foods for my inner winter.
And light, energy-building foods for my inner spring.
I embodied cyclical living.
And my world began to change, adapt, and grow around my new flow.
My raw, primal goddess took over, my wild, inner feminine, as I listened to you and let you lead my actions.
You guided me to sing and chant in women’s circles, activating the energy of my womb.
Once I learned this rite of passage, you then nudged me to help sisters activate their womb space with tantric breath-work to build the creative energies stored there. In doing so, we built community, and encouraged each other to birth daring, soulful dreams into the world.
You invited me to deepen my relationship with Mother Earth.
Hearing your soft, enticing call, I stripped down naked and danced on Gaia’s wet earth, soft sand, and squishy mud between my toes. I cleansed myself in ceremony in Her sacred waterfalls and rivers in Kauai, and then returned home to the Midwest to clean up the polluted rivers, which I saw as no less sacred.
When I was in Costa Rica, I prayed through my tears, covering myself in magnetic black sand, while deeply apologizing to Pachamama. I became conscious of all the abuse I have done to Her, and all the abuse I will continue to do as a living creature of consumerism in these modern times.
My apology to the Earth was a catalyst which led me to release the wounds of anger at my birth mother. I traveled to my childhood home, forgave her, and opened myself up to truly loving her and respecting her in my adult form. This freed me from the wounds toward the mother archetype, and gave me permission to be my own mother, another rite of passage for stepping into my own creativity.
Next, you nudged me to explore and redefine my sexuality.
I created sacred space in the forest with a wild man from a past life, and we healed the wounds of our Sacred Masculine and Feminine, while praying and sharing without making love.
I needed my celibacy. I needed to know myself. I needed to feel the raw and primal goddess of my feminine sexuality, and become aware of the pulsating movement of Qi energy flow of my own masculine.
So, I became my own lover, and I married myself on the beach in Thailand. I anointed my third eye with my sexual fluid, and used crystals to open the portal of my womb space to release juicy, feminine energy all around me in orgasm, which I would intentionally infuse into my creations.
I trusted you enough that I drank you, my elixir, and gave you back to the Earth in sacred blood ritual, and in honor of indigenous, tribal traditions.
You, my period, spoke to me each month and shared with me how I needed to release further: the need to be productive, my anger toward my mother, my unconscious abuse to the Earth Mother, and the shame and wounds of my sexuality.
And as I made space from release, you brought such new, beautiful experiences into my life. I grew into a wise woman.
I came to truly know myself, to truly accept myself, and to truly love myself.
All of me.
And all of you—because you are my inner cyclical guidance of womanhood.
However you might show up and whatever you might bring is absolutely perfect. Because that’s what life is like: There are ups and downs, expansions and contractions, but it’s all happening for us, bringing lessons for our growth to help us move into more awareness, more love.
Your flow eventually became gentle and easy; the pain you used to bring became nonexistent.
At times, you still ask me to practice patience as you take all my energy, inviting me to draw deeper within for divination and discovery. You encourage me to let go even more: to release, transform, awaken, and be reborn.
And I listen now.
When I surrender to your process, you give back to me. I become radiant, energized, and whole—the creatrix of my queendom.
When I ignore you, you speak louder, with pain or emotional turbulence. I know your process now.
You are now my source of empowerment. Your cycles are purposeful.
No longer will I look at you as a curse…period.
Author: Allie McFee
Image: Flickr/Juan Chien-Han
Editor: Travis May