May 29, 2017

You’re not Alone—You’re Single.

“Maybe right now you’re not supposed to be in a relationship with anyone else but yourself. Maybe this is your time for you, and you’re supposed to be enjoying it for exactly what it is—your time, for you.” ~ The Crimson Kiss


I know it’s easy to forget, but the reality is, you’re just single—not alone.

There is a big difference between the two, and I know it’s hard to remember as the moon hangs low over your empty bed, but the truth is it’s not “never” you’re feeling—but “not right now.”

Who we are is not defined by who we are with.

Sometimes we take on the personas of those we spend time with in an attempt to quell our loneliness or to sink ourselves into someone deep enough to hide our insecurities. But, being single does not mean we are alone.

It’s easy to get caught up in society’s demand for us to be in a relationship. With the advertisements for online dating and wedding season underway, it’s easy to feel that you’re lacking in some way if you’re single. However, you may be more whole than most.

There’s a reason that those who are intelligent, attractive, and well-balanced are often single—we aren’t looking for someone to fill us up—we already do that for ourselves.

Don’t let anyone ever make you feel less than perfect, just because you’d rather count the stars by yourself than dress up to the nines to attract the meaningless attention of those whose interest is only skin deep.

There is a difference in a woman, or man, for that matter, who is content with who they are and what they can bring to the table. It means that the only type of relationship they will accept is the consciously evolved one, where both people not only own their sh*t, but don’t need to absorb one another in order to feel loved.

You are single right now because you know what you want, not because you’re not someone worth wanting.

To know who we are to the depths of our demons and the brightness of our light is to have stumbled upon our worth, possibly by accident. It’s an interesting irony that we are told that we should be okay being on our own—yet everyone seems to want to know why we haven’t met that special someone yet.

The way I look at is—I am already taken.

Maybe I know him, maybe not. Perhaps we’re already in love, or maybe he doesn’t know my name, but in my head I’m already who I am, but also becoming the woman who was created specifically for the one who is meant for me.

Skeptics can shake their heads at me and say that it’s a foolish idea, but I’ve never been one to be practical about my shoes, let alone my love, so why start now? I like the original, the creative, the one of the kind, and even if I get a blister that leaves me limping the first few times I wear it, nothing is better than breaking in that amazing pair of shoes that were just destined to be your favorite.

I’m not really alone and neither are you.

We’re in this world together, and we’re in this business of hoping and having faith in love—together. I don’t plan on selling out anytime soon, so that means I don’t expect you to either. Even if you don’t want to admit it, the fact is, if all you wanted was to not be alone, you would already have a body next to you.

Perhaps not love, or even a best friend—but you’d have a body.

It is sad when we’re taken but still feel alone—I’ve been there too. I’ve lived my life with someone else and felt alone. I ached knowing there wasn’t a thread running from my heart to his, and I knew at some point I would have to either do something about it, or kill the part of me that wanted to leave.

Being alone doesn’t have anything to do with whether we’re in the presence of others or not—it highlights whether we are enough for ourselves.

There was a time when I ran from myself, so how can I blame anyone else who eventually did the same. But there’s something pretty incredible about facing your worst suspicions, you realize that you’ve already been through what you fear the most—so there’s nothing to do but live.

And so I am.

As I write these words pouring from my heart and Maxwell is singing to me about my pretty wings—I’m alone.

I’m by myself in a world of my creation, and—I’ve never been happier.

I don’t want someone here to fill the space next to me on the couch and fight over the remote control. I’m after that person who believes they can change the world just as much as I do, someone who won’t let me off the hook even when I’m begging to be. I’ve made friends with my woundedness and my fears of being alone. I don’t need a man to fix me.

I’ve already done that part. All I need now is someone who will love me.

Love me, for all that I am, or will be—because I know that someday it will happen, not when I want it to, but when it’s meant to. Until then, I’m good.

I’m not really alone, I’m just single.


Author: Kate Rose
Image: Allison/Flickr
Editor: Lieselle Davidson

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