“It’s the very same parts of you that drive me crazy that I also want you never to lose.” ~ Kate Rose
This may come as shock to you one day, but I hope you never change.
See, I look at you, and while there is no doubt that I become exasperated over your testing behavior, I also wouldn’t change a thing about you—because I feel deep within my bones that you are truly exactly the person this world needs you to be.
You don’t need to fit into regularity, wear underwear more often, or even stop drawing on the walls.
Maybe not everyone understands this, but I think you’re kind of amazing—just as you are. Even though I sometimes lose my patience with you and raise my voice, more often than not, I’m right there with you, climbing atop the chairs in the kitchen for a bedtime dance party.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe we were given your older sister to keep us both in line. After all, it seems as though sometimes, if she wasn’t around, we’d end up disappearing out the back door into the woods barefoot, chasing faeries, and forgetting to eat until we passed out from hunger. It seems the universe is always balanced, or at least seeking as such—and so, I know that there is no mistaking why we are the indelible threesome that we are.
But, in truth, it’s you I worry about more.
See, your older sister is different, and as unique as she is, she understands how to play by the rules of society. She has since she was little. She understands that there is a time and place for everything, and she has no problem acting accordingly.
Well, you haven’t learned that yet—and I’m not really too sure you ever will. But the thing is, I don’t know if I really want you too either.
Next year, you’re going to be going to kindergarten, and one of my biggest fears is that it will change you—that somehow, you won’t be as wild and free-spirited as you are now. My concern that they will somehow make you like everyone else. I know that others have a difficult time understanding you. Not everyone understands that because of how deep your heart is—you don’t just see the world, but you feel it too.
I watch you sometimes, and I see you begin to cry and cover your eyes as if you could wish away the pain of the world—and I know how your heart feels inside, because mine does the same.
I suppose there’s a part of you that’s also the portion of myself that I kept hidden for so very long—and so, when I see you wearing it like it’s your most favorite old t-shirt, I get protective of you. I wish in so many ways that I could wrap you up in my love, so that you’ll never discover that sometimes the world won’t always be ready for you, baby doll.
But I can’t…and so, all I can do is tell you to never change.
Of course, I know that you will. I know that you’ll grow, and your body will become taller and fill out; you’ll learn more, your mind will be stretched, and your definitive ideas will become even richer. The causes you feel drawn toward will widen, until one day, you’ll actually have the gall to think you can change the world.
And that’s good, baby—because I’ll be right there beside you, cheering you on, knowing that it’s only ever the round pegs in the square hole that break out of the mold permanently.
You are fire, and I wish I could tell you everyone will be ready for you—but they won’t be.
They will look at you with your long legs, blonde hair, and big blue eyes and make assumptions about you. I know this all too well, because I went through the same. This will happen until you open your mouth and put them in their place. I suppose that’s why I don’t really want to change you, because I think you are exactly as you need to be in order to handle the life that I know lies ahead of you.
Sometimes, I just sit in wonder of the way your brain works, and how you create elaborate games by yourself in your room, and how somehow even get the cats to play along with you. You have no interest in those things that kids are supposed to like, and instead, you make it up as you go along.
I want you to keep doing that; keep believing in your heart more than in the voices of others who are only seeing you from the outside.
I can’t say for certain that the world is ready for you, but one way or another, you’re going to do your thing exactly as you are meant to do. I just hope that you never begin to doubt yourself, because your confidence is one of best parts of who you are. Watching you rock the outfits that you do—how you wanted to wear flip flops in January and now boots in June—it’s all just part of you.
I suppose the best way to say this is: I don’t want to see you tamed.
I don’t want you to suddenly become the best-behaved child, the one who listens to everyone and always pleases those around them—because I think your best quality is that you simply don’t care what anyone thinks.
Your heart is huge, and the way you care for me is something that makes me melt every time. But I also know that the way you just let what others think about you roll off your back is a quality that you should never lose.
I suppose that’s just why I’m hoping that no matter what happens in this life, I hope you’ll never change, because the best part of who you are is simply that you’re you.
And I love you.