July 28, 2017

The Generosity of Allowing Others to be Generous to You.

Sometimes I think we have forgotten how to truly receive.

I see a lot of fear and resistance around receiving; it shows up in my life almost every day. Friends brushing off compliments, me downplaying my own greatness when I am acknowledged, silly jokes being made when I feel really “seen” by another…

There are many small and big ways not to say “Yes!” to the gifts that are offered. Why is that?

I recently spent some time reflecting and feeling into my own reasons and patterns around this. I realised this:

Fully receiving all the gifts that come my way means owning that I deserve them. That I am worthy. That I can let them in because I am awesome, and know I am awesome.

There you have it.

How does that sound to you? Are you a “F*ck yeah,” or are you feeling resistance? Anger? Fear?

I know I did, and sometimes still do.

Fully receiving is about allowing yourself to have it all. Only when you truly believe it are you able to receive it.
I had many ways of convincing myself it is not okay to have it all. To downplay things just a little. To not fully acknowledge my awesomeness.

It feels safer and it certainly triggers a lesser reaction in me. I have persistent stories about having to work hard to be able to receive, having to give back, feeling arrogant to see myself as big, huge, enormous…and worthy.

I am here to tell you these stories are not true. They are bullsh*t. Sure, there may be good reasons that they are there. But, that does not mean they are true.

You are worthy. You deserve to have it all, to be nourished so deeply you can do nothing else but shine. You are beautiful and amazing. Don’t downplay yourself. You are not serving anybody this way, least of all yourself.

To shine we need to nourish ourselves. Fully receiving is a good way to do that. Let yourself have it all. Know that you are worthy. And know this:

Receiving is a gift.

Yes, it is. When you are truly letting in the gifts that are coming your way, you are giving a gift. Let that one sink in for a moment, especially if you have been feeling resistant about receiving.

You are giving the gift of acknowledging what somebody wants to give you. You are giving the gift of allowing somebody to see you shine, impacted by their gift. You are giving a gift to the world by opening up and showing the true you, the bigger you. And, in the end, you are giving the gift of serving the world with your abundance.

It is a practice, something you can actively train.

I used to be terrible at receiving. Then, one day I decided to f*cking go for it—see it as a practice and see how far I could go. I found myself completely in awe with the magic at play in my life. I have expanded, loved, and been loved in ways I had not experienced before—because I allowed it in.

I would love for you to have the same experience, to feel so supported by life that you cannot do anything else other than overflow with happiness. To share the abundance. To see the ways you are closing yourself off to all of those gifts.

Here are four ways to practice this. If this is challenging for you, you may want to start slowly. But please—start. You are doing the world a service by doing so.

1. Allow yourself to receive.

When you are given a compliment—pause.

Allow yourself to drop into the moment, take a breath, and receive. Open your body and heart and let it in. Let the gift nourish you. Allow yourself to feel seen, really feel seen, in your deepest being. Allow whatever comes your way to be a reflection of your value.

If you feel resistance, allow yourself to receive it only as far as you can in the moment. Acknowledge that’s where you are right now. Allow yourself to start softening those layers slowly, one by one. Take your time.

What I used to do, and sometimes still do when something comes my way that I cannot fully accept is: I put it on my imaginary gift-shelf. I have one that stores the extra big gifts, the ones that will stretch me to a new level when I fully receive, and thus believe, them.

They sit there, waiting likes gems to be picked up and celebrated. And sometimes—plop—they just drop in when you’re ready. That is an amazing feeling.

2. Acknowledge the gift and/or giver.

Thank whoever has bestowed a gift upon you. Really thank them. There’s nothing more beautiful than seeing somebody appreciating and receiving a gift you have given.

I recently borrowed some money from a dear friend and thanked him, and he responded with: “I am really happy I can help.” There. How awesome is that?

I also thank Mother Nature, the trees and flowers in my garden, sunsets, chance meetings, the rain, the universe. So many things. Once you get going it’s hard to stop.

3. Pay it forward.

I am certain many of you know this situation: you are receiving an amazing back massage and you can’t fully relax, because your mind is partially on the thought of having to give something back.

Do you recognise this thinking? If so, stop it!

If you take anything from this post I hope it’s this: stop thinking you have to give something back to that person right in the moment. Give yourself time to receive.

This has been one of my biggest blocks to receiving.

I used to be (and sometimes still am) a “balance-keeper.” A “people-pleaser.” I have realised this behaviour narrows my enjoyment in life. I realised that wanting to give something back straight away was not necessarily coming from a good place. I did not really want to give, I just wanted to “even the score” so I would not be “in debt.” Yeah. It was time to start letting that go.

A beautiful friend taught me this. I was staying at her place and she was showering me with abundance. I kept trying to give back to her. She wouldn’t have it. She simply said, “Just pay it forward.”

Just pay it forward.

Give to somebody else, or to the same person at another moment in time. Trust that the universe will provide. Trust that you can give, and will want to give, at some other point. Trust that we all get served that way. Let go of the quid pro quo.

4. Invite in more abundance.

This is an awesome tip I nicked from a teacher I know. Every time I receive something, I state:

“Yes! Thank you. And more please.”

Sometimes I whisper it really softly, and sometimes I shout it out into the night air racing my bicycle through the forest.

Yes! Thank you. And more please.

And holy sh*t, do I get some more! And it is so good.

This sentence really opens me up to the world. Even as I am typing this, sitting behind my computer, I feel my heart and body opening up, a smile emerging on my face, and happiness and deep excitement bubbling up in my body.

It feels like I’m inviting magic into my life. Life becomes a playground of wonder and infinite possibilities when I feel into this sentence.

It’s. So. Much. Fun.

Try it. Let yourself have more than you could ever imagine.



Author: Anke Verhees
Image: Jeremy Cai/Unsplash

Editor: Lieselle Davidson
Copy Editor: Leah Sugerman
Social Editor: Travis May

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