Ah, giving oral sex.
It’s one of the most polarizing discussions around. There are those who are solidly on the side of, “Yes! I love it!,” and those who are the side of, “Ugh. Nope.” Then, there are those in the middle who don’t really like it but will do it grudgingly.
For those second two groups, this is for you.
Now, don’t get me wrong, you may never convert into the penis whisperer, but I would like to offer you a different perspective on the subject and maybe—just maybe—you’ll learn to love it.
Giving head is one of the most magical experiences for both parties involved. It’s not something that can be approached half-heartedly, though, if it’s going to be any fun for either. You have to go balls to the wall—so to speak.
When a man allows you to take his penis into your mouth, he’s giving you an immense amount of power. You can hurt him or pleasure him—and he is completely vulnerable. Embracing that power and owning it fully is erotic and sexy as hell. He trusts you and that trust is something to be treasured.
Paradoxically, you’re taking a submissive position while also embracing your power. The contradiction and interplay between the two states of being at once is titillating.
Watch your man as you pleasure him. See his body tense and relax, his breath rising and falling in rhythm with you. Feel him as he begins to lose control and surrender to the pleasure. Look at his eyes as they become heavy with ecstasy.
Control the pace. Take him to the edge, and back down again. Listen to his breathing and the sounds he makes as he feels your mouth on him. Don’t approach this as a “job” to be finished but as an experience to savor.
Keep some lights on so you can see his face. Occasionally, look up at him and you may be surprised by what you see. For many men, receiving enthusiastic oral sex is like an unexpected gift that they really wanted and they feel thrilled to get.
For many, receiving oral sex is incredibly intimate and because they feel safe, treasured, and cared for, it increases their desire to do the same for you. (Note: I’m not suggesting you do it for that reason—it’s simply a happy consequence.)
When a partner gives head, it helps a man feel fully accepted, welcomed, and passionately desired. I’ve known men who internalize their partner’s lack of willingness to engage with them on this level as a soul-crushing rejection. Unless you are a fantastic actress, most men can tell when you’re faking or just going through the motions.
Watch some videos on technique. Experiment. Practice. Rethink your perspective and relationship with giving head and see how it transforms your relationship with your partner, your sexuality, and yourself.
Author: Lisa Vallejos, PhD
Image: Wikimedia Commons
Editor: Leah Sugerman
Copy Editor: Danielle Beutell
Social Editor: Taia Butler