We all want to control life.
We think we know how our lives should be, and what they will amount to.
Yet, we really have no control over anything that happens in our lives.
We can control ourselves, and better understand who we are, and what life teaches us along the way. Life will never turn out as perfectly as we imagine it to be. There will be ups and downs.
Expectations can cause us to suffer, make wrong choices, or keep us attached. The more we try to control life, or think we know what’s best, usually, the more we miss our opportunities to grow, and become real in ourselves.
I’ll admit, I use to be a control freak. I was one of those Type A perfectionist personalities: I was afraid to take risks; I was concerned with what people thought, and I always played things safe. Fear held me back most of my life until I started to confront myself, and let go of the way I thought my life should be.
Back in college, I had a plan. I wanted to graduate, get a job, get married, and have a family. It was what most of us envisioned back then. However, after landing the dream job, making money, and also meeting a guy who broke my heart, I realized there had to be something more to life.
The moment I made the conscious choice to become a better version of myself, and no longer play the scripted version of reality, and how things should work out—was when my life changed forever.
In a short period of time, I lost my job, my friends stopped returning my calls, and many things died. It was peculiar how radically fast everything changed.
I was thrown in a new direction and called to pursue a higher path and purpose. I fought it at first. I got angry, cried, lamented, felt lonely, and all sorts of negative self-talk took over me.
Looking back now, I can see how the heartbreak, all the suffering, and fearful sad moments, actually helped lead me to the person I needed to become. I thought I was destined to work in a job and find security in a relationship and marriage. However, I actually needed to learn how to release my own insecurities, control issues, and let go of the life I thought was best, to pursue my real calling.
We conform when we try to control life or change to fit in. That keeps us from attracting the right relationships, opportunities, and advancing within ourselves.
Develop the courage to leave what’s comfortable and move toward what really calls you. The more we are willing to be open to new opportunities, befriend new people, take chances, have conversations with strangers, try new things, think outside the box, look people in the eye, and confront whatever is keeping us sad, isolated, or thinking we are alone or incapable, the more we conquer insecurities and our fears of rejection. When we think we know what’s best, we keep our minds closed and miss opportunities that could have opened us up.
We have the power to create a good life. Believe in your own ability to make better choices, make life more enjoyable, and meaningful.
It’s not always easy to change things. However, facing our fears allow us to overcome our insecurities and step into a more empowered place within ourselves. As I ditched limiting beliefs, and quit hanging around negative people, or girlfriends who only cared about chasing guys or getting hitched, I found better people and environments.
If it wasn’t for all the mistakes, moments that ripped me apart, and heartbreaking experiences, I would not have been able to grow, detach, or become stronger.
Thank God I never married or stayed attached to those people. Who I am now is a radically different person from back then. I am no longer afraid of being fully myself and living the life I want.
As we change individually, we are often forced to leave people behind who no longer align with who we are becoming. Though we can’t always understand it, life is always working out for us, yet we can’t always see how.
The more honest we get with what our own hearts want, the easier it is to flow in life. Taking that leap to find our own identity, can change everything.
When we spend our lives chasing someone else’s dream, or trying to please other people, we unconsciously control life by playing things safe. We can miss the amazing opportunities and people potentially.
Fear will talk us into many things, put deadlines on “happy ever after,” judge, and cause us to do crazy things.
It’s often good to get other perspectives and opinions in order to become aware of what we may be failing to see. Nothing and no one can ever fill us forever, until we drop our own insecurities, let our guard down, and become authentic, joyful versions of ourselves.
Those unexpected moments, when life throws us curveballs, do help us. I believe the more we break, the more we learn to surrender—and in turn, become happier. We can learn to enjoy the journey, conquer our internal fears, be true to ourselves, and not get stuck in our limited perception of how our lives should be.
It is through examining ourselves, that we can understand the limitations we create. Never sink down when you’ve been thrown into a new path. Say “yes” to those random opportunities or synchronicities that show up.
Be fearless when you need to create a new beginning, leave toxic relationships, and pursue your own heart and happiness.
Our journey gets easier the more we let go of expectations and allow ourselves to truly become the authentic individuals who live inspired by love, without needing to control or fear life.
Author: Kali Bliss
Image: Author’s Own @kaliblissyogi
Editor: Sara Kärpänen
Copy Editor: Khara-Jade Warren
Social Editor: Leah Sugerman