I remember reading a beautiful quote once that read, “The wound is where the light enters you.”
It was an inspiring mantra that allowed me to think of the wounds—the aches deep down in my soul—as a passageway for light to enter back into me.
In 2016, I moved to an island in the Gulf of Mexico, off the coast of southwest Florida. In this transition, I had begun, somewhat intuitively, dedicating my meditation practice to healing my womb. I had decided a few months prior that I was going to take at least a year off from interacting with men.
To me, male energy can be very dominating (I am an empathic woman by nature) and can easily sway my own thoughts and actions if I don’t take notice of it. I felt I needed this time to heal, not only my heart, but my physical body from all previous encounters and relationships with men in my life.
This intention spawned from an understanding that in order for me to evolve and change old patterns in my partnerships, I needed to give myself space to just be me. I needed time to heal, but also to truly ask myself what it was that I specifically wanted in my life. I started by first trying to understand who I was at my core.
For me, this meant no dating, no one-on-one time (other than with trustworthy male friends), limiting the amount of time I would spend with male friends, having implacably high boundaries, and having no exchange of sexual energy with a man. I suppose this decision to go to such depths of reclusiveness was very easy for me, because it felt natural. It wasn’t something I read or a suggestion someone else made for me; it came from within me. So, as a yoga teacher and practitioner, I have learned to listen and respond to these feelings with clear awareness, because they are vital to our survival.
One thing that somewhat intuitively shifted in my meditation practice was when I began placing my hands upon my womb. Below my navel, I would place my palms down with my fingertips facing down toward my feet, almost making the shape of a heart with my thumbs coming together. This first occurred when I arrived at my cycle one day when bleeding is heaviest, and abdominal expansion swells, and my body was simply in pain. As I lay my back down on my bolster, connecting my feet together and knees wide in supta baddha konasana (butterfly pose), my palms immediately went relaxed on my womb for comfort.
As I took my first few breaths, the warmth from my palms radiated onto my womb, a heat that was greatly needed to aid in the contractions of the uterus shedding. As I took more deep breaths, I began breathing into my palms and praying for release from the pain. I then began thanking my womb for the ability to release and its ability to restore and regenerate life all within me. It was something I had never done before in such a ritualistic and grateful way.
These meditations began to become part of my normal restorative practice. They also became more specific as to what I wanted to heal in my womb and in my life. I thanked her for guidance as I recalled the many gentle nudges I had felt when making decisions. I thanked her for the ability to have a cycle, the energy of life that allows me to connect to all of life in its cyclical nature.
One particular womb meditation, I thanked her for the partnerships I had experienced with each and every man and said that I was grateful for all of my intimate experiences. I learned how to love myself a little more and to keep exploring what my heart desired. I felt that I had honored them for teaching me what I needed to learn. I then noticed that my body felt lighter. I was lighter in the areas of my upper hamstrings and low belly, where I tend to carry my stress the most. This made me keenly aware that something had truly shifted.
It was from this moment that I realized I was ready to begin a meditation for calling in the kind of man I wanted for my life. After months of healing past experiences and old wounds, I found myself ready in asking for a very specific partner. What better way to meditate/pray/ask for such a grand connection than through my creative life force.
I had come across a passage from the wise and ancestral book Women who Run with the Wolves that read, “A better sort of lover is one finely wrought of strong psychic muscle and tender flesh. For Wild Woman it also helps if the lover is just a bit psychic too, a person who can ‘see into’ her heart.” This was a clear indication that my internal knowing, the seat of my intuitive womb, knew precisely what I desired and needed.
When I began speaking aloud what specific details I wanted and needed in a partner, my womb came alive in a way I had never experienced before. In yoga, the Sanskrit word prana means life force. All of life is a living, breathing force that needs attention and devotion in order to keep the prana, the life within it, alive. The life force within my womb had awakened. What I mean by this is that I began to feel a deep knowing in my bones that what I was asking for was completely possible.
There was a level of trust that I began to feel in knowing the divine was listening to my spoken prayers. As I felt the tension releasing from my body each day, I noticed this lightness of being rippled into my spirit and into my mind. I went from thinking about what wasn’t possible to a richer understanding that there was so much more. I embraced a childlike wonder again, a light that emanated to every area of my life. Simply put, I had hope.
I recently learned from holistic sex educator, Kim Anami, that in Daoist reflexology, the cervix is the heart point for a woman. The cervix and the heart are directly connected to one another. To stimulate the cervix is to open a woman’s heart. To open a woman’s heart, she must first have established a deep connection to her true self. She must know herself to her core before allowing another to enter into her sacredness.
Women pack a lot of stress, tension, and trauma in their reproductive organs. By releasing and healing these areas through womb meditation, my personal experience is that we can regenerate more of our life force. We can live more wholly in our bodies, embracing our emotions as dear friends and finding the ability to embrace our unique and exquisite internal light.
Author: Jessica Bell
Editor: Travis May
Copy Editor: Yoli Ramazzina