“So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you” ~ Mariah Carey
Who hasn’t felt abandoned at some point in their lives?
We’ve all been there. Abandonment can take on many forms, and it can manifest in any form—from feeling abandoned in childhood, to a spouse abandoning you; from being abandoned as an aging parent, to someone feeling like society or humanity has abandoned them.
It also shows up as feeling left out in social situations, or in situations of recognition, like being excluded from an office promotion even after working hard on a project. And it can show up in a family situation: feeling alone deep inside, even when being surrounded by people.
For some though, being abandoned, physically and emotionally, can become a recurring theme in their life.
For these people, all the situations listed above might apply, as well as other various abandonment patterns. If you are one of them, I am sure you will recognize these symptoms:
Highly sensitive. These people are acutely aware of how they feel, how everyone around them feels, and how the words, actions, and even gestures of one person can affect another.
Inclusive. Many times, these people will bear the company of a person out of sheer compassion, even if they don’t enjoy their company.
Authentic. These people try to live their life in the most authentic and true way possible, free of lies and manipulation.
So, if you know someone who is a good fit for the above categories (maybe yourself), here are some musings from a fellow “abandonment-feeler.”
Ever since I was a child, I have had difficulties fitting in. I was different, and I matured at quite an early age. The things children my age would find amusing did not interest me at all.
With time, it became easier to fit in, but the feeling of being different remained. Life, as it always does, kept presenting me with circumstances in which these feelings would surface, and I was always left feeling abandoned by those around me.
This happened in school, in my family, during my higher studies, at the office, in the family I married into, and ultimately with my partner—whom I considered my soul mate. These incidents included both emotional and physical abandonment.
The hurt of these abandonments got me thinking: Why? Why does this hurt so much?
That’s when I had a light bulb moment and realized that this had been a pattern in my life—this feeling of abandonment, this feeling of being completely alone. It had been collecting inside of me, and the more recent abandonment situations had allowed all those bottled up feelings to come up like champagne bursting out of a bottle.
How, then, could I resolve these bottled up feelings? The answer came in the form of a quote I saw on social media:
“When you are in pain, listen—the universe is trying to tell you something.”
Those words resonated with every part of my being. What is the universe trying to tell me? So, I sat in this pain of abandonment for almost a year, and throughout the year, I kept having epiphanies and the universe kept supplying me with the required answers.
Here are some things I learned:
1. Take time to heal.
If you find yourself in this cycle of rejection and abandonment, it points to some core wounds that need healing. The most important ones being: “I am enough,” and “I matter.” Once you work on childhood wounds and even past-life regressions (yes, some wounds can go beyond this lifetime), as well as mindfulness and meditation, you will start resonating with these words. As a result, you will feel whole, complete within yourself.
2. Put yourself first.
Practicing self-love is key. Fill up your own cup before you try to pour into the cup of another. Take charge of your own physical and mental health, thoughts, and energy. This might include saying “no” to things you might have happily completed before.
You need to recharge and replenish yourself daily. You need to become your number one priority. And by this, I do not mean you need to be selfish, but if a request from someone conflicts with your self-care and well-being, do not feel obliged to do it.
3. Listen to your body, feelings, and intuition.
Many times, we attract people who abandon us or disrespect us because we are doing this to ourselves. This is a hard pill to swallow, and it takes some time to see it clearly.
Are you not showing up for yourself in some parts of your life? Are you not standing up to a bully boss? Are you not honoring your body and filling it with junk? Are you making your body and mind work overtime for a promotion that you want, denying them the rest they deserve? If so, you are abusing yourself, you are crossing your own boundaries, and this will invite people in your life who will do the same. What we feel internally is mirrored in the people we meet in life.
4. Follow your passions.
Use this alone time to find something that ignites your soul and follow it. It could be that you do this activity only 10 percent of the time if you’re busy, but it will keep you filled with zest for life for the remaining 90 percent. Once you start understanding yourself and what sets your soul on fire, the desire to explain yourself to others automatically disappears.
5. Don’t abandon yourself—be your own hero.
If someone ignores you or leaves you—emotionally or even physically—remember this: you are whole all by yourself. Truly understanding this can take time, but with the right inner work and mindful living practices, it’s a completely achievable state of being. A state of wholeness, of completeness, of having your cup overflowing just with the presence of your own being.
To discover your inner nature and the mystic patterns that your soul has, you can use some of the personality tests available online: MBTI and Carl Jung’s Archetype quiz.
Astrological charts also provide some insight into our patterns. One tidbit that I found useful was that highly sensitive people are often water signs (Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces), while people who are less emotional and more practical are typically earth signs (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo). All of these are great ways to get to know yourself in depth—so that you can nurture yourself in a way that is more customized for you.
I hope these tips help you to move a little closer to resolving the abandonment issues that might have been cropping up in your life.