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November 26, 2018

How To Stop The Cycle And Lessen Your Emotional Load

We’re sitting on a call. I’m behind my desk pushing my laundry drying rack out of sight and you’re on your couch, laptop camera looking up at you from below. Neither of us have great lighting, but that’s not what makes a great session and we both know it.

Inevitably, THAT part of your story comes out. You know the part. The scene that you keep repeating, the one that always trips you up. It controls so many things even if it happened years ago. It’s as if you took that story, threw it in a bag and hopped on a Ferris wheel, with no plan of ever getting off. You do, theoretically, know that you could get off the Ferris wheel every time you stop at the bottom, you could even throw the bag overboard – but you don’t. You sit, dutifully, with a painful story in your lap that you’re not willing to let go of.

All the new age tools of the trade will tell you to think positive and change your perspective but you roll your eyes every time one of THOSE quotes shows up on your Instagram feed. People just really don’t understand how hard it is for you, if they did, they wouldn’t force feed you platitudes.

You’ve got an answer for every suggestion they give anyway, so they’re all wasting their time.

I agree. I totally agree with you. No one should be force feeding you platitudes or pretending that this load you carry is lighter than it is. None of us can judge the load – there’s no comparison that will allow us to understand. You’re free. You can carry that weight around you everywhere you go. You can stay on the carnival ride. You can go round and round and round until you’re dizzy, and frankly bored.

It’s your life sister, go live it with whatever baggage you choose.

Usually, by the time we talk, you’re already sick of lugging it around and sick of telling the same story over and over again. You don’t know how to move through it but you just can’t do it anymore – and you’re stuck. You might be stuck on:

I’ll never get a different job, I have to keep this one!
My kids need me, it’s impossible for me to get anything done.
My mother was so critical, that’s why I have no faith in myself.
My body is totally falling apart, but I’m not stressed, I swear.
My relationship is in shambles, I don’t even like him anymore, but I can’t leave.

And when you just CAN’T anymore? That’s when your power comes in. That’s when you can free yourself from the shackles of your own story – and this is how you do it.

This is an abbreviated version of the Filter Method that I piecemealed together from various storytelling and coaching techniques. It’s easy. You’ve got this.

1. Write out your story, or record it in a voice memo. Read (or listen) to it right away.
2. Find the Filter that describes what you’re stuck on (See above for examples!). This is the filter that you’re telling your story through. The one idea that keeps you where you are is usually a good starting point.
3. Trade it for an upgraded version (like: My mother was so critical and it really bothered me. I’ve been really successful in life in spite of all the criticism)
4. RE WRITE your story through this new filter. The same story, just a new filter.
5. Repeat with as many new filters as you like, until you start to notice your chest opening and your breath getting deeper.
6. Put the bag down. Get off the Ferris Wheel. Go live your life.

By: Cait Donovan


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