How we Clean Up Toxic Masculinity.

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“A full five fathoms your father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes.
Nothing of him does fade,
But does suffer a sea-change,
Into something rich and strange.”
~ William Shakespeare, The Tempest 

 

There is no question that masculinity is caught in a tumultuous tempest. But I believe the social and psychological storm we endure now will be the catalyst for a sea-change, transforming yesterday’s man into something rich and strange.

Strange in the sense of something unusual, unforeseen, and unexpected, yet welcomed all the same.

Rich in the sense of something creative, beautiful, and sensual, washing away generations of bitterness and blame.

Remember, I am not my father, I am my father’s son. I am a protector, not a persecutor of liberated women.

Do not mistake me for that former fading generation, or burden me with the baggage of their sins; I come to bury the patriarch, not to praise him.

Too often I have been cast as the villain by virtue only of my sex, herded in with all the chauvinist cattle, and branded a misogynist.

But I tell you, a man who is a man will not cower; it is the man who follows the herd who is the coward.

Brand those beasts of burden if you must, but in me and my like-minded brothers you can venture to hope and to trust.

Trust us then to be your equals, and we will be equal to the task. Task us with the love and lives of your sons and daughters, and we will be better men than our fathers.

And as fathers in turn we will raise our sons to be better men than us. And yet the larger truth is this: a boy is raised to be a better man by a whole world of villages.

First there is the village of home, where a boy is raised to be a good man, and knows clearly, unequivocally, right from wrong.

Broken homes, we know, breed ever more broken men and women. We must endeavour to heal our wedded wounds, and meet as equals the divine feminine.

Then there is the village of school, where a boy must have the freedom to be rambunctious and boisterous and bounce himself off the walls.

Do not diagnose him a dervish, then medicate him and sedate him. Teach him to harness his fiery energy and educate his creative force.

Last but not least is the village of our shared community, where a coral-boned man is bound by his conscience to respect a woman equally.

But do not confuse equality with sameness, for sameness is not always equality; every conscious wave is diverse and different, yet every one still made of sea.

It is our freedom to choose that is the expression of equality, not our expression of choice that makes us equal. Diversity and difference is our greatest strength, let us aspire to that great-spired cathedral.

Indeed it requires an inspired community to raise an awakened man, not battling sexes that raise up the feminine and tear the masculine down.

Tears of salty sea have been wept for so many supreme injustices. Now that our eyes are changed to pearls we perceive such crimes, and passionately pursue due sentences.

To complete the metamorphosis of the enlightened man, the tempest will cease moving heaven and earth, and in his palm he will perceive a new world in a grain of sand.

We are sea-changed sons of Neptune now, we are moon changed in our power, tides turn us to the daughters of Salacia, time turns us to each other.

author: Arun Eden-Lewis

Image: Mubariz Mehdizadeh/Unsplash

Editor: Khara-Jade Warren

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Arun Eden-Lewis

Arun Eden-Lewis, known as Arunji to his friends has been teaching Yoga, Qigong and Tai Chi since 2001. His particular passion is bringing the authentic philosophies of these ancient practices into modern everyday life by helping his students develop accessible self practices that can be explored with integrity in their own time, even if it’s just five minutes.

Arun is also a qualified swimming coach, personal trainer and Natural Therapist. He hosts Yoga & Qigong retreats as well as Fit & Fat retreats, classes, workshops and seminars all over the world. His mission is to take the mystery out of the mystical, allowing anyone with the passion and commitment to find freedom, in body, mind, and spirit.

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Arun Eden-Lewis Nov 6, 2018 3:14am

Thank you for your wonderful comments, Melody. Blessings Arun

Arun Eden-Lewis Nov 6, 2018 3:13am

Thank you, Michael, lovely comments. I concur! Blessings Arun

Arun Eden-Lewis Nov 6, 2018 3:12am

Thank you Jo, gladly returned. Blessings Arun

Melody Green Nov 5, 2018 8:11pm

Yes! Yes! Yes! When we are vulnerable living our truth we can finally live with strength from our souls. We are designed to be complimentary equals and no matter our hue the colour is love. Each generation comes to express more love than the one before. There is no doubt we have work to do but in the process of confronting that we must still hold on to hope and as a woman recognize and praise those men who have moved past their fathers and opened their hearts. As a #metoo survivor it is not my job to heap condemnation on those who see the need for change and take up the challenge to change it - it is my job to heal myself and then build bridges (that as a result of my learning, healing and wisdom) can steregnthen the fabric of our shared humanity and capacity for love... because frankly if I cannot make better out of my experience, why have it?

Michael Mitchell Nov 5, 2018 6:13pm

Great read - I’m a father of a grown up son. I believe all men must get real and have the courage to tap into their God given essence and experience the side of themselves containing love, and the knowledge of how gifted women are . By doing this they can actually be much more Whole and grounded. The same with women tapping into the masculine and asking for what they want. We both need each other and the healthy mix of masculine and feminine. Waking up to this understanding is a life changer and vital for growth.

Jo Jan Nov 5, 2018 3:43pm

I would give you 10 hearts for this if I could.

Galina Singer Nov 5, 2018 3:33pm

I look forward to reading all that you have up your sleeve! :)

Arun Eden-Lewis Nov 5, 2018 11:48am

Amen indeed.

Arun Eden-Lewis Nov 5, 2018 11:48am

Really great comments, thank you for sharing, Johnny. Blessings Arun

John Noonan Nov 5, 2018 12:07am

"I am not my father." Because I have learned from him not only who I want to be but especially who I do not want to be. I want to work hard. I do not want to be controlling. I do not want to create fear. I want to cultivate energy. I want to move xi, I want to learn how to open my heart and love fully. I want to protect my family. I want to fight for others. I want to help people. I want to be whole. I have seen what i do not want to be, Now i have the chance to become all he was and so much more. To have healthy relationships, and to be trustworthy, and loyal. To show strength and vulnerability. I will be great, because I will use the strength of God. I will turn the results over to him, and I will do what I believe God would have me do. And I will live my life in faith. Amen

John Noonan Nov 4, 2018 11:41pm

Arun, Fantastic piece. Thank you. This makes me think about men and women working together. In order to co-exist, we must appreciate one another and build up each other's best attributes. Every person has strengths and weaknesses, in order to be successful we must take advantage of getting to know one another, and working together to help keep moving towards a common goal. The true energy of the Devine masculine is that of love. Of an open heart. Each day I ask God for the knowledge to do what is right, and for the strength to carry that out. Each day we do the right thing, we face the decisions in front of us with love, we grow and move toward becoming stronger men. Through honesty, through fellowship, through dedication and commitment to faith and spirituality, and through passion. We reach out our arms to protect those we love, we live a mindful and conscious existence. We must also build up our counterparts. We must not only protect our partners, we must support their growth. We must try to understand that we cannot control anyone, and to provide the support they need to become amazing and free. Thank you for your thoughtful words. Your writing always makes me think. I enjoyed these words immensely.

Arun Eden-Lewis Nov 2, 2018 2:34pm

I'm working on the piece you suggested l expand on - the last paragraph of Uranus in Opposition. More direct, less poetry. Very pleased you enjoyed this one, felt good to write! Blessings Arun🙏🏽💜

Galina Singer Nov 2, 2018 7:04am

Love love love!