I haven’t always identified as a witch.
It took a breakup and a skilled healer named Paul to connect me to my witch roots.
I’ll keep the story short, because I want to get to the part where you, dear female reader, say, “I think I am also a witch!” or, “I am a witch, too—get me out of this broom closet!”
The rise of magick
This asshole broke up with me.
I didn’t even want to date him in the first place, but the magnetic lure of getting laid frequently by the same person sucked me in. He was one of those “conscious men” who did way too much ayahuasca on the weekends. That’s not my thing—white people doing misappropriated drugs in a living room in Orange County from a “shaman.” Come on. But, the sex, it was good enough for me to ignore all the flaming red flags.
So, I had the breakup coming to me. Our relationship was like milk—it had an expiration date.
But, breakups suck even if you kinda-sorta-pretty-much know it’s not going to work out.
As a breakup specialist, my solution to the breakup was the same one I guide my clients through: get help.
I went to a few CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) 12-step meetings, got massages, raindrop therapy, energy healing, tarot card readings, psychic insights, and a somatic session that shifted everything.
I met Paul at a gathering that focused on practicing using our psychic gifts. As a medium, I fit right in. After the meet-up, we exchanged information, and after the breakup I scheduled a session with Paul.
I drove to his office not quite knowing what to expect. He offered a mix of healing touch and talk therapy. When I was going on about lamenting my dating life, Paul asked me, “Why is it that you think all men treat you the same?”
It was then I felt this rush of energy shoot down my body and sprout “roots” into the earth, then declaring, “It’s because I’m a witch.” That statement felt like a paradox between coming home and total surprise. The ripple effect of that moment now permeates my life, my business, and my view of women.
The witch shift
There are all different kinds of witches: kitchen witches, herbal witches, pleasure witches, spell-casters, ritual crafters, mumus, creatrixes, seduction witches, and sycophantic witches.
Here’s the deal, the word witch means “wise woman.”
And women who had knowledge were what?…Suppressed by the patriarchy.
This is the moment in this conversation when I start to get mad, because I have spent the majority of my sexually active years giving my body as tribute to men who didn’t give a fuck about me. I was an object, and I fell in line in order to engender their affections, approval, and esteem. What a cauldron of shit!
In the last year I have learned that owning my body, being embodied, and claiming the potency of my pussy along with teaching men how to treat me is very much the path of the witch. That has felt really powerful, and subsequently attracted a man who worships this witch.
Witch litmus test
Are you an educated woman who understands the meaning of consent and knows how to use your voice? You might be a witch. Are you a woman who knows how to exude pleasure as a invitation to creation? You might be a witch. Are you a woman who prefers essential oils, herbs, sitz baths, pussy steams, manual masturbation, and tracking her moon cycle over pharmaceutical care, sterilizing tampons, jackhammer vibrators, and ignorance of her body’s cycles and rhythms? You are definitely a witch.
Witches understand that life, love, spiritual practice, body size, and health all have cycles and rhythms. We humans have seasons just like nature does. The mystical arts were practiced by oppressed societies and ethnic minorities for years. And, you guessed it, white men were like, “No, that’s bad. We must impose our will over these classes.” It’s still happening.
This is an article, so I’ve reserved the deep anthropology of witches for a topic of learning in my witch school. Suffice to say, women were burned, drowned, raped, oppressed, hurt, lied to, and objectified for a long-ass time. It’s still happening.
But, witches have a say in this. In fact, the modern witch revival might just be at the leading edge of the women’s empowerment conversation.
The witch conversation
In my point of view, the threshold of being a witch is a twofold process.
First, a woman owns her fire, her rage, and her anger. Second, she learns how to impact, influence, and alchemize the conversation about women’s role in society. It’s not man-bashing, because fatherless men have been hurt by the patriarchy as well.
It’s not burning sage, going to some fucking festival, and abusing DMT, and being a witch isn’t an ego trip. True witches are guardians who understand that speaking is “spell-ing”—your words matter.
The entry point to our most potent magic is through our wounds, many of which come from the violent nature of the patriarchy.
For me, being a witch is not a religious practice—I have Christianity for that. Rather, being a witch is about knowing just how incredibly powerful, magical, and relevant I am as a woman, no matter my age, sexual expression, aesthetic, or social status.
As my lover so whimsically said, “You can take a witch to Target.” We are everywhere.
And the next time you look in the mirror, you just might see a witch.