There is so much going on around us that we don’t see with our physical eyes.
Every time we interact with someone, we make an energetic exchange with them. And when we get into a relationship, especially if it involves sexual interaction, we create an “energetic bond” or a “soul tie” with that person. As time goes on and the relationship deepens, so does that bond.
This is an excellent thing for relationships that continue to grow and last a long time. We want to be energetically tied to our partner if this is the case.
This is a dangerous thing for relationships that don’t survive. Just because we break up with someone, it doesn’t mean the energetic bond disappears with them. When we energetically and emotionally tie ourselves to someone, it takes action on our part to sever that tie.
A lingering soul tie or energetic bond with someone can wreak havoc on your life.
Here are some signs you may need to break a “soul tie” with someone:
>> You’re unable to move on and may obsessively think about the other person.
>> You’re tempted to go back to the relationship, even though you know it doesn’t serve you.
>> You cry…a lot.
>> You continue to communicate with this person, or you have conversations in your mind with them.
>> You want to send messages to let them know you’re thinking of them.
>> You stalk them on social media, or you post things that may get their attention.
>> You frequently find yourself wondering what they’re doing or if they’re thinking of you too.
>> You’re unable to get rid of sentimental items that remind you of them (pictures, cards, notes, clothing).
Here’s the thing: breaking soul ties isn’t easy. At first, it may feel like you’re permanently saying goodbye to this person or that you’re abandoning them. But please trust me when I say it’s essential to cut the cord if you want a chance of having a successful relationship with someone else in the future.
“If you carry the same bricks from relationship to relationship, you’ll end up building the same house.” ~ Anonymous
Imagine the freedom you’ll have once you have broken your bond with this person and let them go. No more continually being distracted by thoughts of this person. No more late-night ice cream binges while looking through old pictures. No more fantasies of what might have been. You will be free to focus your time and attention on bigger and better things—especially on healing your heart and starting a new chapter in your life.
Now is the time to let go.
There are many ways to break these types of bonds, but here are the steps that have helped me in the past:
The first step is to admit you have created a soul tie with this person. Sometimes this is the hardest step because we want to live in denial (who, me? I don’t have a problem letting go). But, there’s nothing more empowering than acknowledging we have a problem and we’re taking steps to address it. The simple act of saying it out loud is a sign of taking back your power.
Whatever went wrong in the relationship and finding who is at fault no longer matters. What matters most is your peace, so it’s time to find forgiveness for yourself and the other person. The easiest way I’ve seen to do this is to focus on the lessons and blessings that came from this relationship. What did you learn? How did you grow? How did you benefit? How are you a better person? I know it sucks and may not feel fair, but please don’t skip this step. It’s a critical part of the process because forgiveness makes it easier to sever the tie.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself standing in front of this person with a cord connecting your hearts. Make this as real as possible—see and feel the tie that binds you together. Next, visualize yourself cutting this cord. Get creative with this process. Use imaginary scissors, a sword, or even a chainsaw! But be sure to do it lovingly. I’ve also used my hand to make a cutting motion in front of my body as if I were cutting an energetic umbilical cord.
Gather up all the items that serve as reminders of this person and the relationship. Throw them in the trash, donate them to a charity, delete them from your phone, or burn them! Whatever it is, remove it from sight (and no, it can’t just go in the attic to be retrieved later). I’ve found it empowering to do a burning ritual. Just be safe if you go this route.
Write a letter to this person telling them you forgive them and that you’re releasing them to move on in life. You don’t have to send the message—just getting it out on paper is a powerful experience.
Sometimes it takes more than one session, and you may have to repeat these steps if you feel yourself still bonded to the person. Just know this is normal.
The last step in this process is the most critical: ongoing awareness. Remain aware of your feelings and keep your guard up if there are future interactions with this person. They may be having a hard time letting go too, which makes it even more important to protect yourself from falling back into the bond that you just broke. You may need to establish firm boundaries and sever all communication for a while.