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Mom, mother, mommy, Mother’s Day—I’m completely detached from any feeling to these words.
Mother’s Day has never sat well with me. It’s one of those days, like Father’s Day, Christmas, or Halloween, that I just don’t feel. I’m not a mother (to humans). I don’t have any relationship with my biological mother (nor do I want one, self-preservation and all).
These holidays seem to enhance that feeling of being on the outside looking in—these are holiday for others, not people like me. People without healthy relationships with our mothers.
So, when I stumbled, then fell headfirst into this Reddit chat, r/MomForAMinute, I wasn’t really sure what I was doing there. Thinking that this would be a great blog to write up for Mother’s Day, and thinking of all the others this could help, I began scanning chat titles like, “Mom, I have a good opportunity, but the idea of moving to a new state scares me,” “How do I tell you I’m bi?” and “Hey Mom, I just found this Reddit. I started to cry before I could read one post. I miss you.”
Yep, silly me dove right into the comments on that last one. I choked up while reading the beautiful replies from virtual moms like, “My sweet, sweet baby love. Know that I have never left you. I’m in the morning sunrise and the light of the moon. I’m in our favorite song and the one thing that we used to laugh over all the time. Your strength and resilience come not just from me but from you too. I love you my precious child and will always be here, just a breath away; just around the corner,” and “My baby let me give you a hug.”
Okay, all of that might sound silly or sappy or not a reason to get choked up, but if you also grew up hug deficient and without a positive/close/loving/supporting/healthy mother-child bond, or if you’ve lost your mom or never even found her, you will get it.
On this Mother’s Day, if you need a hug or words of wisdom or loving support from a mom, they are right there waiting to love and care for you.
And on this Mother’s Day, if you have a mother’s love to give and for whatever reason you can’t seem to give that gold away, know you are cherished and wanted and needed and loved right here.
So, for the first time in decades, instead of ignoring the feels on Mother’s Day—I’ll be honoring the daughter in me and the ancestral mother in me by sharing the love and wisdom I have, as I stand on the shoulders of moms who came before to be of benefit in that chat room. I might even find some new moms there and ask for a hug, too.
And to all of my furbabies, living and passed…thank you for letting me be your mom. Even on the days when I was smothering you with love and affection, trying to fill that maternal hole.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful people of the world.