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May 10, 2019

Silence, Stop, or Sever: Knowing when to Cut Ties based on Someone’s Emotional Energy.

 

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Understanding another’s energy can be vital to our well-being.

We coin the term “energy,” which has various definitions, but the context in which it is used in this article is “the nature of a person and how they respond to their environment.”

Have you ever had someone who elicited anxiety in you and others? Or someone who elicited depression? Or even tiredness? This comes from a deeper part of that person’s nature. Their values and beliefs, memories, decisions, attitudes, language, mental processes, and interpretation of reality—gathered and created from birth, consciously and unconsciously—constitutes how that person will interact with and what they will elicit from you, accordingly.

Media on emotional wellness regularly reiterates the importance of remaining at peace without being affected by your environment. It is important to see this not as separate from understanding another’s energy but in conjunction with it.

Step 1: Seeing people for who they are.

Honesty goes beyond just being truthful. It’s having clarity in every feeling, thought, and action. There will be a sense of simplicity, purity, liberation, and lightness when one does this. It is this transparency that allows one to see people for who they truly are.

Don’t sugarcoat or exaggerate your reality—rather, see people for who they are and believe them the first time they prove themselves. It is important to remember that this step is just merely accepting information coming to you from this person’s expression, and not a reaction from you.

In the moment, it is important to fully receive what the person is communicating. In order to understand someone’s energy, you must:

>> Focus on the feelings and emotions that are coming from what is being said.

>> Pay attention to signals of one’s body language. Sometimes, people can say one thing but mean another which is expressed through their body language.

>> Pay attention to the tone, speed, and clarity of their voice.

>> Pay attention to any gestures that could add to what one is saying.

>> Use your intuition.

>> Relax your body and mind, and take in everything they’re communicating, realizing their energy without forming preconceived opinions of them from your intended responses.

Step 2: Silence, Stop, or Sever.

From the information gathered and observed, it is now time to make a decision. This is context-specific and therefore you should respond according to your highest intention. This decision lies on your ability to rationalize your decisions and guide your emotions. If you are an emotionally irrational person, perhaps your job is to work on your emotional stability before correcting others.

Sometimes, our internal reaction to a negative person isn’t negative at all, and yet it is only our response to them that spurs the conversation and elicits negative emotion within us. In this situation, silence is best. Saying nothing at all doesn’t give the person an opportunity to get to you.

Silence should only be practiced in response if you are able to maintain peace in the midst of a negative person. Being able to do this shows emotional maturity within you.

If this person has an adverse effect on your well-being, then you must not suppress it. Suppressed emotion will cause random reactions/outbursts throughout your life. Sweeping dirt under a rug will only fester rot. In this instance, you would have to sweep the dirt out.

Creating boundaries with people is imperative for cooperation and forming healthy relationships. If someone crosses a line, you must redraw it in front of them. Let them know “you need to stop” and “you will not talk to me like this.” Many people see creating boundaries as violent and unnecessary—but it’s the exact opposite of both those things. The manner and tone which you use needs to be of conviction and respect for both parties.

Just remember, you cannot allow someone to enter your home and diminish all you have within. Your sanctity is worthy of safety.

If, however, you are able to simply remove yourself from a negative influence, then do so. Sever that influence before it manifests into a negative emotion within you. Make healthy decisions when it comes to your freedom of choice and the environments you decide to be in.

This can be tricky if it involves people who are important to you—and so you have to ask yourself if this person is truly worth surrounding yourself with, and if so, then clear communication is needed, but that’s a topic for another article.

Step 3: Detachment.

Peace is important to you. It is why you are reading this. Therefore, simply choose peace. What I mean by this is, don’t dwindle and ponder over these situations in your life. If you decide silence, stop, or sever—then simply move on from it.

Remember that your peace is your highest intention and there is no point in trying to put an end to negativity by feeling worse afterward. So learn to let go. You can only receive a person’s “energy” is only in the moment. Once you have received and dealt with it, then move on, and focus on what pleases you.

Remember that every thought is a creation within you. Go forth, giving attention only onto that which allows your greatest potential.

Honor your well-being.

~

author: Nickiel Paramanand

Image: @elephantjournal/instagram

Image: Anastasiya Lobanovskaya/Pexels

Editor: Naomi Boshari

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Nickiel Paramanand

Nickiel Paramanand, founder of Well Being Coaching & NLP, gained international recognition in his certification of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Time Line Techniques and Coaching. He is also a Yoga and Tai Chi instructor, constituting an entire mind-body transformation. His vision is to embrace and sustain well-being emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually.