May 1, 2019

What Women Really want Men to Look Like.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by ecofolks (@ecofolks) on


Some inspiration for you: Beyoncé’s Surprise New Song “Black Parade” is the Revolution Anthem we need Right Now.


All hail to the “Dad Bods” out there.

I love you guys for not trying to fit into media stereotypes of what us women supposedly think is a sexy male image.

You are sexy. Yes, you!

You may have a belly that wobbles a bit and a chest that isn’t the definition of rock-hard pectorals, and that is totally cool. (I’ll let you in on a secret: you don’t have to look like Jason Momoa to be considered sexy. No, sir!)

Body image is sometimes thought of as a woman’s obsession. But just as many men pick apart every piece of their image to assess whether it is good enough, and whether they are good enough.

We are living in an age when male grooming is fast becoming the norm, and there is more pressure on men than ever before to look a certain way. The media images being rammed down men’s throats are generally of bronzed, sculpted, protein-enhanced bodies. Throw in a chiselled jawline and some tousled hair, and there we have it: “Mr. Perfect.”

Except this isn’t Mr. Perfect; it’s an image of what is commonly perceived to be desirable.

Men, let me tell you that most women do not particularly want you to have a rippling six-pack and bulging muscles—we really don’t. In fact, it can be a turnoff.

The important stuff that women truly want from men is mostly on the emotional level. (Although we do appreciate a little bit of effort and pride in your appearance—a handful of hair product and a spritz of aftershave now and then will do it.)

I once dated a body builder long-term, and he used to tell me “I’m doing this for you.” I replied, “You can do bodybuilding if you want, but it isn’t for me. I don’t need you to have big biceps and toned glutes.” All I remember is that he was either at the gym or the tanning salon every waking minute he wasn’t at work. There was no room for “us” amongst his protein powder and bright pink supplements.

I admire the effort it takes to commit to a thing such as bodybuilding, but I’d rather someone committed to me instead. Being with a person who focuses all their energy on their looks is really dull in my experience, and it didn’t enhance our relationship one iota.

Men, I invite you to have confidence in your bodies, even if you don’t look like the cover of Men’s Health magazine. Celebrate that!

We all do a bit of maintenance, and that’s cool. Pluck your eyebrows if you feel it gives you more confidence, even go for the “back, sack, and crack” if you want. But you don’t need to. Not really.

You can have a hairy back and love handles, a bald patch or man boobs. It’s all good!

A woman worth her salt will embrace it all—complete with wobbly bits and knobbly bits.

We want you to be yourself in all the messy perfection of who you are.

A lot of women are increasingly favouring the “Dad Bod.” Let me tell you why.

It’s the realness of being, the shape that life has given you, the thing that makes you you. If you are confident with your body, that is ultra sexy too. Let us women enjoy your body as much as you enjoy ours.

So, your chest isn’t like iron and maybe you have stretch marks, skinny legs, or you cannot grow a consistent beard. We don’t care! It is all delicious to a real woman who doesn’t put on airs. She may have hang-ups about saggy breasts or thick thighs, but she is sexy just the same.

We can gain insights beyond the physical from the “Dad Bod” type of guy. So, really, we are back to assessing what is on the inside of a person rather than only what is on the surface.

It indicates to us that you are not obsessed with your body, but still make some effort.

It shows us that your priority isn’t on your looks, which means that you could potentially make more time for us or your children. (An attentive dad flicks switches inside a woman’s brain like you wouldn’t believe.)

We can read into your energy that perhaps you are a guy who doesn’t mind the middle ground, which may seem uninteresting at first glance, but this could reflect balanced traits which on some level resonate with our subconscious nature to procreate (the strongest offspring are likely to come from a pool of genetics without anomalies, as a general rule). This can lead us to feel a strong sexual attraction toward you.

We are more likely to feel comfortable in our own skin if we are with a person who is more relaxed about how they look, what they eat, and how much they exercise. It puts less pressure on us so that we can be ourselves instead of trying to be perfect.

I celebrate the “Dad Bod,” but at the end of the day, different people are attracted to different body types due to a series of energetic exchanges with that person, which is probably less to do with the outer “packaging” and more to do with the inner “product.”

If you vibe with someone, you vibe with someone, whatever shape they are.

And that is the amazing thing about human attraction—that it works on so many levels, most of which we are not even aware of.

A few more reader favorites:

You Don’t Need A Man, You Need a Goddamn Warrior.

The Most Important Article on Elephant, Ever: Maitri.

Read 30 Comments and Reply

Read 30 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Gemma Malak  |  Contribution: 9,155

author: Gemma Malak

Image: Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Image: Ecofolks on Instagram

Editor: Kelsey Michal