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I want women to smell their underwear every day.
Because I learned to love myself by getting high off my own supply.
Many women recoil at the smell of their vagina; I know, I was one of them for many years.
Too many “smells like fish” jokes around the lunch table from awkward prepubescent boys lodged themselves into my brain and made me literally turn up my nose at any smell rising up from down under.
The irony was that my vagina never smelled foul, and I actually always thought it smelled quite sweet.
In fact, I sort of enjoyed it.
And yet, embarrassment and a lack of quality information created a serious aversion, which often resulted in over-washing—which, ironically, led to yeast infections that made it actually smell a bit off.
It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s on a sort of feminist uprising that I began to stake my scented claim; I began to sniff my own panties as an act of defiance every time I found myself on the toilet.
Over time, I began to give in to the intoxicating fragrance. Extra time allotted in the bathroom for huffing my own perfume grew to be a favorite ritual and sweet way to spend time with myself.
As I began to open to myself in this way, something else began to open up as well. My sensitivity during sex began to increase, and I actually started to enjoy sex more (for context, I really wasn’t enjoying sex much at all).
But how could taking a sniff your own whiff be cause for extragenital sensitivity?
Well, the answer may not be quite what you would think. In fact, it was thinking that was the answer—or, rather, the problem.
Anxiety. Anxiety was the problem.
Most times during sex, I spent so much time in my head worrying about how I looked, smelled, or if I was doing a good enough job, that it didn’t leave much room to actually be present in—let alone enjoy—the experience.
As I began to fall in love with the way my yoni smelled, I began to relax and actually open to more pleasure and enjoyment.
And even more so when I could smell her.
That anxiety eventually turned into authentic enjoyment when I smelled my own juices. Which, as you might imagine, made sex more pleasurable!
The quick reason behind how this works in the brain is that neurons that fire together wire together. When two things occur within the same context, they form an association with one another in our brains. When we eat watermelon outside on summer days, the smell of fresh-cut grass makes us crave watermelon. Our brains are flexible, and while this association process mostly occurs below the level of our noticing, we can actually use it to our advantage to, for example, associate the smell of our own vaginas with enjoyment, and thus make sex more pleasurable.
So, if I wanted to up the ante on this, I could actually pleasure myself (masturbate) while consciously smelling my vagina.
The same association holds true for creating other aspects of our experience as well.
The more we consciously associate ourselves (parts of our body, our personality, our work) with pleasure, the more pleasure we will begin to feel natural in our bodies and in our lives.
And because, in general, sex happens in the head, training our brains “on how to pleasure” helps create more enjoyable sexual experiences.
And, believe it or not, this works regardless of what our partners may (or may not) be doing. Which is empowering because it places us back in the driver’s seat of our own joy and fulfillment, versus leaving it up to someone else.
So, if you want to have better sex, and you don’t yet love the smell of your own vagina, close your eyes, take a deep breath in, and let yourself fall in love with you, all over again.
Pro Tip #1: Every time you go pee, take the opportunity to turn it into your palace of self-love and self-pleasure. Go ahead and take big whiffs of your fantastical flowery fragrance!
Pro Tip #2: Get yourself a daily vagina reminder to help you connect with your body in a loving way, each and every day.