10
June 17, 2019

Don’t Lose her just Because you’re Afraid.

 

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Don’t shrug your shoulders like she’s invisible, eyes drawing downward, painting a pretend picture like you don’t care.

Don’t let your touches become full of ice, delivering not warmth, not tender passion, or care—but distance.

A distance that is palpable, felt in heavy sighs from worried lungs and the subtle crushing of hope like flowers. Flowers that were once sweet, but now a bitter uncertainty that fills the air. It hangs, like toxic humidity before it rains. The anticipation, before a big storm.

This does not make a woman’s heart feel safe.

Because she notices. She feels it ripple through her bones when you’re not present. Insecurity fills her, like dark clouds of ink. She sighs and her eyes fill subtly with a spring rain of tears as the gap between you grows and widens. Yes, she knows when you’re sitting right next to her—but you’re also a million miles away.

What is happening?” she wonders, preparing herself for disappointment. Yet again.

But it does not have to be this way.

Don’t let your own fears blind you to a love that is brilliant and beautiful.

Don’t let your own sh*t get in the way.

Oh, dear man—this world can be cruel. We all have our wounds.

Maybe, like many men, you were taught to hide your feelings—to tuck them far away in locked chambers in your heart that have gathered dust and pain.

Maybe you were taught that anger and aggression are okay—but vulnerability and softness are off limits.

Maybe you were taught to focus on power, status, and money.

Maybe you were taught that to be a man, you have to be strong. Stoic. Like a rock.

But, dear man—you are alive! You are dynamic. You are tender and human. You are complex and simple—not to be defined by mere words; not to be known in single sitting.

Yes, you are a warrior—strong and fierce and protective, but this vision is utterly incomplete.

You know that already.

The world forgot to tell you that love is strong.

That sensitivity is freakin’ awesome.

That you can feel to the depths of everything, the crashing waves and quaking heights and depths. All of it.

That you can express yourself. You can be sad, quiet, joyous, scared, and all the million shades of the mysterious in-between.

That you can cry and love.

That you can love deeply, fully, and fiercely. Oh yes.

That you can commit and share yourself fully.

Those are the best things.

But you know that already, don’t you?

You’ve felt a longing—a sweet and wild thirst—for a love that is soulful and real. You’ve craved depth and true intimacy, the kind that reaches right into your bones, like crisp blue flowers on a tenacious morning glory vine.

You don’t want hollow sex or a string of cheap, meaningless romances, no—you’ve dreamed of a soulful love where you can splash in the glistening pools of unity.

She wants that, too.

She makes you shiver because you feel like this is something special; it glistens with a whisper of extraordinary.

And she scares you—because now, you want to open your heart completely—unlike ever before.

But you don’t know if you can.

So you freak out. You act weird. You backpedal. You distance yourself. You get frustrated over the little things. You avoid. You deny. You’re really good at it. Maybe you even have a fancy list of beautiful justifications that you can rattle off like something you memorized in fifth grade.

I say this lovingly, for it needs to be said—I’m calling bullsh*t. You are not a boy anymore. You are a man.

Enough with the excuses.

Opening your heart is scary, hell yes.

But you can step through the fear.

Intimacy scares us all. She’s probably afraid, too.

Your fears make sense, they really do—they just don’t have to consume you.

So don’t close yourself off. Talk to her.

Open up. Take a deep breath, weave your fingers in her hair, look at her with genuine eyes and tell her how much she means to you.

And admit you’re scared. Voice your anxieties—give them room to release their talon-like grip on you.

Own how you’ve been acting.

Speak your mind. Be real.

She’ll listen, I promise.

And your vulnerability—well, there is nothing more delicious than a man who is honest about what he’s feeling.

She will welcome you warmly, with the ginger flame that glows spicy and sweet, in her heart.

Will you take this luscious risk?

You should.

Don’t fall to the pathetic pathways of all the men before you who have walked away without saying a single damn thing.

You’re better than that.

And know she won’t be patient forever; there will be a moment when it’s too late.

Love is real.

It is not a fantasy.

It is raw, scary, and fantastic—a joyous adventure where you can grow like never before.

So land on the ground.

Land in your heart, dear man

Yes, your amazing jewel of a heart!

Land in your truth. In who you are.

And walk into the world, into the arms of your woman

Strong and fierce—and able to feel.

Brave and vulnerable, daring to wear that brilliant heart on your sleeve.

There is nothing sexier

Than a man who does not run away from love

But

Toward

It.

 

author: Sarah Harvey

Image: sarahlouisaharvey / Instagram

Image: sarahlouisaharvey / Instagram

Editor: Julie Balsiger

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Avesha Jul 14, 2019 8:13am

Nicely done.

Beverly Gibson Jul 2, 2019 7:27pm

Yes!

Carol Daw Jun 27, 2019 2:59pm

Wow loved reading this,it’s so real and makes so much sense. Thank you ❤

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Sarah Harvey

Sarah Harvey resides in the mysterious mountains of western North Carolina. Through the journey of healing her own trauma and pain, she has found power in poetry, art, and dance. She loves supporting people to step into their power, find their voices, and flourish. She believes in resilience. She believes that sometimes, our darkest days lead to the most unexpected, breathless joy. She currently offers life coaching sessions and is pursuing her Masters in Counseling. She feels passionate about supporting sensitive souls with a grounded, creative, and gentle approach.  Follow Sarah on Facebook and her website!