My dating strategy for 2019: only baked cookies.

 

What are cookies? People. Let me explain.

 

When we’re dating, people are like cookies. Picture yourself walking by a bakery, with the aroma of cookies lingering in the air. The smell of freshly baked cookies is intoxicating, drawing you in to ogle the desserts in the window and you remember why you like cookies. The smell alone is enough to kick your hunger into high gear.

 

When some people smell cookies, they need a cookie immediately. They become a Cookie Monster. They want all the cookies, they want any cookie, it could be an Oreo or Chips Ahoy, a stale day-old cookie, or cookies from someone that gives samples to anyone. It doesn’t matter what cookie they get because it’s not about the cookies, it’s about their desire.

 

They may not even be hungry, they may still be full, but it doesn’t matter. What matter is getting the cookie, not having the cookie. They care about feeding the hungry ghost of desire – but desire is always hungry, it’s never full. They’re addicted to the chase for their next hit of dopamine, they don’t care about the cookie.

 

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter responsible for short-term pleasure, motivation, and reward; it’s the same neurotransmitter triggered by short term pleasure like chasing Facebook likes or gambling. High levels of dopamine cause euphoria, aggression, and intense sexual feelings. Low levels of dopamine are associated with depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorders, schizophrenia, binge eating, and addiction. Dopamine is addictive and over time the more you consume has less of an effect, causing the short term high and crash that leaves you wanting more.

 

The neurotransmitter serotonin, unlike dopamine, is triggered by acts of long-term satisfaction and helps with emotional processing. Whereas dopamine helps you feel better because of the euphoric high, serotonin has a cumulative effect over time by helping you deal with your feelings.  Instead of chasing another hit of dopamine, serotonin helps us process our emotions instead of numbing them.

 

When someone’s goal is satisfaction and happiness in the long-run, the aroma of cookies doesn’t turn them into a Cookie Monster. Instead of the instant gratification of grabbing whatever random cookie is conveniently at hand, perhaps they say to themselves, “I need to work out and earn the calories for a cookie,” or “Cookies aren’t healthy, I’ll save that for after my lunch.”

 

This person realizes that cookies are a dessert, they’re something extra, they’re icing on the cake. Cookies aren’t meant to be a meal and they’re certainly not meant to be the majority of your diet, unless you’re a child. There is no such thing as a zero-calorie cookie and no matter if you have a relationship or a situationship with that cookie, you’ll carry the baggage of it. Eat a lot of cookies and, well, you get the picture.

 

Are those cookies worth the workout? With all that extra baggage, you may need to step up your work outs to be healthy. You may even need to have a doctor help you with things you can get from random cookies.

 

Trust me, I get it – when we’re hungry cookies are much more appealing than salad but is it the best choice? If you’re always hungry, perhaps cookies don’t have the nutrition you need and there’s something healthier for you. If you’re binging on cookies and being a Cookie Monster, is there some other need that’s not being addressed? Is there a reason for chasing the dopamine hits from the instant gratification of a cookie?

 

You’re not going to starve if you don’t have a cookie.

 

You don’t need a cookie to live. You don’t need a cookie to prove something to someone else, least of all yourself. You don’t need to settle for the empty calories of shitty cookies you wouldn’t want if you weren’t hungry.

 

Yes you could mow through a stack of Oreos to satisfy your cookie craving but it won’t be the cookie that satisfies you, so the craving will come back. Why would you even look for the badass cookie you really want if you’re busy eating crappy Oreos?

 

Now that you’ve gorged on Oreos, you have to work them off, and they’re not even the cookie you wanted, so that’s more time spent on disappointing cookies AND you still haven’t found your badass cookie. You may not even realize your badass cookie exists because you’re at the dollar store buying Oreos, not getting them fresh at the bakery down the street. Maybe you don’t have what it takes to get a badass cookie so you settle for Oreos, because anyone can get an Oreo and it doesn’t take much effort. This can be OK for a while because it’s convenient, it’s easy to get Oreos, they’re everywhere.

 

Do I really want MY cookies, the cookies I choose, to be cookies that anyone can get? Do I really want MY cookies to be the kind of cookies you can find anywhere? Is this the best I could do for cookies?

 

No, not me.

 

I want an amazing cookie. I’ve worked too long and hard on my own cookie recipe to settle for a shitty Oreo or a cookie made with margarine and fake chocolate pieces. I’m a badass baker, I could make cookies all day, why would I settle? I don’t want just any cookie.

 

I want a cookie that’s worth the work out. I want a cookie made with real ingredients, with high quality butter and flour and chocolate. I want a cookie that’s good through and through, not decorated with pretty icing and sprinkles to mask that it tastes like a clay puck.

 

I want a cookie that someone’s taken pride in making, not something store bought that anybody could get anywhere. I want a cookie that someone’s taken the time to craft their recipe, to get the recipe and the baking time right so the cookies are consistent, not some batches that are salty and others are sweet.

 

I want a cookie that’s done and not half-baked so it’s going to give me food poisoning or indigestion. I want a cookie that’s done and not burnt and hardened because no matter how many times you try to soften it with milk or scrape off the burnt bits it doesn’t change the hardness and bitter aftertaste. I want a cookie that’s done so I know what I’m getting, I’m not waiting on potential and what could be; I know the cookie I’m getting and I chose this cookie because of that.

 

I want a cookie that’s on par with the cookies I make, because if people see me with that cookie they’re going to associate me with that cookie and I want to be proud of my cookies. I want a cookie from someone that wanted to make cookies not to please someone else, but to have pride in themselves. I want a cookie from someone that loves themselves enough to have standards for themselves.

 

If I can make quality cookies and this other person does too, we can make badass cookies for each other anytime we want. If their cookie crumbles, I’ll help them make a new batch. When I can’t make cookies myself, they can help me and vice versa. When I feel bad, they’ll be there for me and know how to make the cookie that helps me feel better, the same way that I’ll be there for them when they need to feel better.

 

We’ll be a cookie-making team, we’ll increase our cookie production capacity and our cookie knowledge as we learn and grow, and you better believe we’ll be stacking those cookies to the sky. They can have their cookie recipe, I can have my cookie recipe, and we can work on a new recipe together. We can balance out each other’s knowledge, we can experiment and try new things, we can have fun while we bake together and play grabass – and if that doesn’t make better cookies I don’t know what does.

 

That’s MY kind of cookie. What kind of cookies are you eating?