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July 12, 2019

When Healing is Hard: Hope for the Weary


The one ominous, bite the bullet, love it and hate it journey that each of us go on and none of us are prepared for. We aren’t prepared because our mind loves us just enough to lie to us. And, we believe the lie. Because, it is a beautiful lie to believe! The lie that tells us when we leave the relationship, put down the bottle, stop the habit or change our life that it will instantly be easier. You think saying “No more” will be the hard part. Until you start healing. And, then the real journey begins. 

The journey to you. 

Because when you put down the addiction, the toxic relationship, the job you know that’s killing you, the habit that was controlling you…you tell yourself that THAT was the real battle. But, then… then you come face to face with yourself. Face to face with your demons. Face to face with whom you have become. What you have put up with. Who you have hurt. Who you have allowed to hurt you. 

And, it sucks. And, it hurts. And, it is confusing. And, it is lonely. And, it is scary. And, it is exhausting. 

And, sometimes …you wonder if it is worth it. Sometimes…you wonder if you are worth it. 

Yet, still you press on. You research, you reflect, you meditate, you study energy, your remember to breath, you practice mindset, you develop a new plan, you talk it out, you think it out. And, healing becomes the new addiction. Healing becomes the new way of life. Healing becomes the all consuming drive that used to be reserved for….them. That used to be reserved for it. For the very thing that was killing you. The thing that you can’t go back to yet can’t seem to get away from. 

Because healing is about the past. Healing is about getting away from the childhood, the codependency, the abandonment, the trauma, the PTSD, the tears, the unfortunate parts of being…well…you. Healing is about the unfortunate parts of who you are and what you have lived through. The unfortunate parts of what you have chosen and what has been chosen for you. The unfortunate parts of the situations you have found yourself in and the situations you have put yourself in. 

Healing, my friends, is hard. 

So…what if, just for a moment…you stopped healing and started growing? What if you stop picking apart what is wrong with you and turn your journey to uncovering what is right with you? What strengths you possess that have pulled you through and the unending robustness of your soul that kept you breathing. Kept you dreaming. Kept you from falling when it became too much.  

Because, I know it has been hard. I know you are tired. I know you feel like you have tried it all and that it still hasn’t been good enough. I know you think “What else do I have to do to make my so called shadow of a life work?” And, I know you don’t want to keep going. 

But, I know you will keep going – keep trying – keep going –  keep growing. Because it is who you are. It is how you made it to this point. It is how you have gotten yourself out of bed each morning and how you have continued to turn toward the light despite the ever prevalent dark. 

It is just who you are. 

And, it is this exact quality that will help you become who you will be -who you are fighting to be. The image you hold in your mind and heart that keeps you going. This better version of yourself isn’t a choice you are choosing; it is how the person you are today prepares yourself to meet the person you will become tomorrow. 

It isn’t just your path, it’s your story. 

And, one day you will tell it to someone who needs to hear it Someone who is exhausted from the struggle and uncertainty of their own healing process. Someone who needs you. And you will be honest enough and brave enough to not gloss over the messy parts. Courageous enough to admit you haven’t always had it all together. Honest enough to speak the genuineness of your journey and all it’s inconvenient truths. 

And, you will see a tear on their cheek and hear a thank you from their lips and it will all be worth it. 

Happy healing warriors.

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