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July 7, 2019

Congratulations on your Divorce. ~ Eleonora Zampatti

 

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Our dear writers share personal stories because they’re what they know best, and what we can learn from, best. They are personal—if you have another perspective, you can contact us here or write your perspective here. ~ ed.

Imagine receiving an email with the title: “Please read when you have time”—from your ex.

You open it up and read: “So this is how our story ends. I don’t want to hurt you, but how this will play out from now on is up to you.”

I don’t want to hurt you but…that but said everything. The pain of my divorce was hidden behind that simple conjunction.

Receiving that email, I thought he was finally trying to communicate his feelings with me—something he had never done in all the years we spent together.

A blink of hope sparkled in my heart—the hope that maybe he was feeling something, that maybe he cared about me and about us. I thought that for once he was opening his heart to me. That we were finally communicating, and that we could end our life together with love and respect.

But I was wrong.

The truth is, despite wanting to believe the opposite, ending a relationship is never easy. It is almost inevitable that feelings will be hurt. A divorce especially has the power to bring out the worst in people.

Despite how much I suffered throughout this process, I still believe that it was a gift.

The end, something that used to terrify me, was a gift. The best gift I have ever received. The chance to rebuild a sense of self that I had lost and to finally be loved the way I needed to be loved. Learning to forgive myself was a gift.

So if you’re going through a breakup right now, or divorce, keep your head up. Fight for yourself. Be there for yourself.

Choose to feel love again.
Choose to not be afraid of the future.
Choose to thrive.

If you are going through a breakup right now, congratulations.

Congratulations on your divorce, your breakup, or whatever it is.

You decided to choose yourself, and be honest about your feelings. Take control over your shattered life and be proud of who you are.

I don’t need to justify why my marriage ended.

I don’t need to come up with a story to preserve the picture perfect life he wanted to portray to the world. I do not need to hide or be ashamed. More than anything, I don’t need to be afraid of the consequences of my decisions. What I need to do is to stand behind them—proud and fierce.

What defines my character and my reputation is not my “decision to stray” but my resilience. The strength it took to stop pretending, open my eyes, and say no to a life where I was slowly drowning in misery.

Despite all the love that I had and still have for my ex, I was able to open my eyes and realize that our relationship was nothing more than a lie—a mistake that we both perpetuated way too long. A mistake that I had the braveness to address and rectify. A mistake that taught me the most valuable lesson of my life.

Love is light, fun, and it makes you feel invincible. Love is everything, and we all deserve it. I deserve it.

So no.

I’m not lying anymore. I’m not begging for forgiveness; I’m not coming up with excuses as to why my relationship is over. I’m just going to do what we should all do: be proud of my courage—the courage to be happy ever after…just with somebody else.

According to many people going through a divorce, it is a disgrace. According to me, it is the best decision I have ever made—another chance in life and love.

So congratulations, congratulations on your divorce.

Congratulations to myself and anybody out there who finally found the courage to say no.

You are free now.

author: Eleonora Zampatti

Image: Author's Own

Editor: Michelle Gean

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Bill Winfield Jul 13, 2019 10:30am

Agree! Nice article

Danny Saxon Jul 10, 2019 4:31pm

Yes to all of what you expressed. I have been through two in my life and a few other relationships that did not last but a few years or less. We do grow and thrive if that is what we want and choose. Yoga and meditation helped me emensely as well as good friends and family, all of whom helped me grieve, let go and move on. I found that friends and family could give me the unconditional Love that marriage and other partners could not or were not able to give. Keep on keeping on!

Beth Crowell Jul 10, 2019 7:36am

I am high giving you from my corner of the world. Love that you know you don’t have to justify anything to anybody. We need more articles like this to remove the stigma around divorce. Thanks for writing this!

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Eleonora Rachele Zampatti

Milano native now living in NJ, USA, Eleonora Rachele Zampatti is an International body movement specialist, yoga teacher, author, fitness model and founder of the Ode to the Moon project a series of events who uses yoga, art and music to bring awareness on the topic of domestic violence and empower victims of abuses. To know more about her visit her website or follow her on Instagram.