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September 15, 2019

I’m Letting you Go—like an ocean Lost without a Shore. {Poem}

 

“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.” ~ Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

~

I’m letting you go in waves spilling onto an absent shore

Just a little here and there
Sometimes a river of grief flooding my heart
Other days softer, almost peaceful
Lying stretched out on the floor
Tears rolling silently, breathlessly, down

I’m letting you go from all the places you touched
From deep within my soul
From the far reaches of my mind
Surrendering my body to the pain of release

There was one day where I almost had you gone

But you snuck back in with a favorite memory
Like the first scent of lilacs on a spring day
And I clung to it because to be honest
Forgetting you would be much worse than this

Those memories are sewn with perfect stitches onto the spaces between my cells

There was one day there where I had convinced myself that we had done the right thing
There was another day when I was sure we had made a mess of a perfect plan
To love like nothing else mattered
Then there was that day I cursed the whole damn universe
For dangling you before me only to tear you away

I’m letting you go
As you float further away
Sometimes looking back
Your heartbreaking smile my solace and my agony

I know that one day you will stop looking back
And I will stop searching for you in my memories
We will both move on and love again
And that hurts most of all

Because you came to me on a pleasant wind
That promised more than it could give

There was one day there that I didn’t hurt at all
I saw it all so clearly
The coming together, the falling apart
The reasons, our growth, the adventure
And I was almost happy it had ended
Looking forward to not feeling the pull of your interminable tide

Almost
But then returned to the comfort of those moments with you

I’m letting you go
In waves of unabated love
Like an ocean lost without a shore

~

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author: Monika Carless

Image: Yoann Boyer/Unsplash

Editor: Kelsey Michal