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October 8, 2019

I Don’t Date.

Our world has lost touch with how to connect.

We allow a new follow request to hold more validation than a smile in the grocery store.

Using small talk to fill the silence, yet doing absolutely nothing to satisfy the soul.

Instead of opening ourselves to the depth of the universe that exists at the tip of our fingertips, we swim in the shallow end afraid of the sacrifice that dances in tandem with expansion.

We go on dates.

Sip wine.

Talk for hours.

And leave knowing no more than when we arrived.

Shying away from the questions our heart is begging to know, understand, and connect to.

Connection is what gives our spirit life, yet it is the very thing we turn our cheek to because it terrifies us.

We give the world what the media tells us is accepted.

Never giving the vibrant, soul exposed version the chance to shine.

We stay in love that doesn’t hold us because we haven’t even learned how to hold ourselves.

We have wild sex and call it love because our need for connection is suppressed momentarily.

Rolling over the next morning, needing to be held emotionally, only to find ruffled sheets and a note.

We have lost the courage to have the tough conversations.

Show up for the vulnerability.

Be honest with our intentions.

Because ghosting is easier.

Scrolling Tinder for another unavailable encounter holds less risk.

I should have existed centuries ago—because this will never be my style.

I would rather take my nails to a chalkboard than choose to sip wine and listen to you spill your ego all over my salad.

What you do will never matter to me.

Who you are matters.

And by who, I don’t mean tangibly.

I mean the intangibles that I couldn’t gather from looking at your LinkedIn profile.

The qualities that equip you with a big enough heart to hold all that I am.

The experiences that give you the intelligence to challenge me.

The failures that give you the humbleness to ground me.

The past love stories you played a leading role in that give you the confidence to know the woman you crave.

The heartbreak that gives you the compassion a sensitive soul like mine can’t live without.

The openness to receive the big love I have to give.

The gentleness to hold me, weak or strong, the same way I will for you.

I don’t date.

Because I can’t sip wine and talk a lot, but say nothing.

I only know how to crack my heart all the way open and show you who I am.

Soul exposed.

I only want to date

marry

make babies

chase dreams

adventure

with someone who is ready to stand in all they are.

Soul exposed.

So no, I don’t date.

When you are ready to speak the foreign language of connection, come find me.

Only then will I sip wine with you.

~

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author: Jenna Irvin

Image: Author's own

Editor: Nicole Cameron