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December 13, 2019

Once Upon A Time There Was A Super Successful Single Woman

Once upon a time, there was a single woman. You probably know her. Maybe you are her. The amazing, radiant, smart, funny and awesome woman, who’s kind, conscious and successful. And single. She is one of the most fantastic women you know (or people keep telling you that you are), but she stays single, against her will.

How come someone who’s such a great person, and who has accomplished so much in life, seems to think that it’s easier to run an empire than to attract a good partner? It may seem like a mystery, but it’s actually very simple: business and love require two very different skill sets, and she’s only mastered one of them.

It began early, at home. She was always “the good girl”, very aware of what was expected from her. Fully conscious of everyone’s needs, wants and emotions. Fully conscious of who she needed to be to fit in and be, if not loved, at least accepted and safe.

In school she continued The Path of The Good Girl, always doing what was expected from her. She got gold stars and good grades, learned to take responsibility, over deliver and never complain.

There is nothing inherently bad in any of this, but something in her got lost along the way. She forgot how to feel her own needs, wants and emotions. She never got to figure out who she wanted to be, nor to feel loved and accepted for who she was. And she forgot about her dreams, since the focus was always on outside expectations.

All of this made her hugely successful in her work life, but miserable in her love life, because all of her skills are very appreciated by a boss or coworker but it’s not what creates attraction, a flirtatious vibe on a date or emotional closeness. Rather the opposite.

So every endeavor in her work life turned out well, but when she tried going on a date, connecting with someone she was interested in, or wanted to flirt, she just failed. Over and over again. And it hurt. Every time. Like anyone would in her situation, she focused on the part of her life that kept going better and better, where she felt skilled, appreciated and successful; her job, while neglecting the part that felt hard, confusing, scary and hurt her every time she tried; her love life. So the pattern grew even stronger.

This worked for a while. She distracted herself with work, travels and things. But her big, beautiful, warm, loving and longing heart never left her alone. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, it kept reminding her of her longing for love and connection. And that hurt, because as her experiences had taught her, love was not something that was available for her. A harsh conclusion, but the only one that she could come to…

It wasn’t true, not in the least, but how could she know that? No one ever told her about the things she never learned. About the different skill sets needed for your work life and your love life. No one ever told her that flirting, dating, creating attraction and having loving relationships was a skill that she could learn, just like everything else that she had already mastered.

Until someone did. A fairy dating coach godmother, who helped her understand herself, see and appreciate the parts of her that had so long been hidden, and taught her how to flirt and date and connect deeply with others. Over time, with ease and grace, she learned how to feel her emotions again, how to let people close (even though it was super scary, but her newfound sense of boundaries helped). She learned to shine, to play, to feel and to flirt. She became a fuller version of herself; someone who could create extraordinary results at work and in her love life. It was perhaps not the easiest thing she ever did, but it was for sure the most meaningful and rewarding thing she ever did. Way more so than just chasing career goals.

And never again did she have to doubt her value as a woman or lover. Never again did she think that there was something wrong with her that kept her single. Never again did she lose hope or feel stuck in that painful powerlessness. She simply realized that she’d had a knowledge gap, filled that gap by learning a few new insights and skills, and lived happily ever after, fully in charge of her own love life.

The end.

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