Faith in the Face of Fear.
This morning I found myself awake before I needed to be.
I tossed and turned, not wanting to get out of my warm bed. I tried to quiet my mind, but had no luck with that.
“God, what can I do? Please help me,” I finally asked. “What message do I need to share with the world?”
“Faith,” was the answer I received back.
Seriously, I thought. That’s it?
“Yes, faith, everything will be okay,” I heard.
“Everything? Health, my relationships, money, family, friends? Everything?” I asked silently.
“Yes. Have faith.”
“Okay,” I answered.
So I share that with you.
The last two days, my back was in pain. My whole body hurt. I couldn’t figure out what was going on.
Finally I figured it out. I had been trying to stay “positive.” I was trying so hard to hold it together that my body was painfully tense.
I wouldn’t allow myself to acknowledge my underlying fear and panic. When I finally stopped resisting my fear, I allowed myself a really good, long, cry.
Amazingly, I found my body relaxing. My back stopped “spasming.”
“Be here now,” a friend told me when I shared this.
“In your thinking, even in your body sensations, you are not present. Your thoughts are causing your panic and fear. When you find yourself thinking, just come back to the here and now. Be where you are at. Look around. Nothing is actually happening out here.”
So Faith was the perfect message on this cold, grey morning. There are a few snow flakes in the air swirling around my deck that overlooks the beautiful Long Island Sound. I take a deep breath. I am calm.
Thank you, God, for answering me. I needed that today.
And I’m glad I remembered to ask you for help.