March 17, 2020

No toilet paper? No problem! Family Cloth is here to Save your Ass.

Say goodbye to paper waste and the environmentally un-friendly use of toilet paper—and the chemicals and processes needed to make those single-use bum shiners that are killing our planet.

Also say “hell no” to this nonsense:

Say hello to a bidet attachment, a “peri bottle,” a squirt bottle, or any type of small container with a handle. And, finally say goodbye to those small paper lint balls tangled in your ass hairs.

Zero Wasters have been waiting for the (Western) world to come around and this might be our moment to shine.

Speaking of shine…get a clean bottom without toilet paper. No need to stockpile loo rolls, no need to tear sheets out of your beloved books, or forage in the garden for leaves. The solution is: Family Cloth.

What it is: First, it’s not ewww. Not at all. It’s a reusable (yea, environment!) cloth that dries off your bottom (front and back)—after you use water to cleanse yourself.

What it is not: it’s not gross—at all. It’s basically just a small towel to dry off with.

I used an older, thin flannel sheet cut into hand-sized squares. I used pinking shears but you can also sew the edges…now that you have time. I keep them in a basket next to the toilet. When the time comes where I would normally reach for toilet paper, I use the bidet attachment on my toilet (see below)…lifting my bum slightly and waddling like a duck. Then I use the soft cloth to dry off with. I place the used cloths in a basket in the bathroom and they go in for a wash.

Just in case you’re reading this with your head tilted and about to run away, there is no “waste” on the cloth. It’s only used for drying off with. Your front and backside are clean…like if you just came out of the shower.

So, about those water options:

I live in a country where bidet attachments are normal. Mine has a small lever to push down and then the water squirts out while I’m sitting. There are also bidet attachments that can be fitted to the toilet and they are easy to DIY install. I don’t endorse Amazon, but you can see the reviews and types available there. Some of the attachments have 5k plus reviews and insights on how they changed lives. Otherwise, another way of squirting or pouring the water is the next-best option. Peri-bottles and squirt bottles are also available in most stores or online.

As far as the material goes, obviously sandpaper or any rough texture is not really advisable, I would go for something absorbent and soft…think of your tender skin and send a little extra soft love its way.

Make the change for your sanity, for your wallet, for the environment, and for your tender bum.


How to make the family cloths:

A fancier version:


Relephant Read: The Coronavirus is already feeding these Bad Things. Let’s use it for Good. ~ Waylon 


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