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March 9, 2020

This Girl

 

This girl spent way too many years beating herself up about her physical size. I remember the day these pics were taken. I remember feeling so FAT. After birthing 2 beautiful children I no longer sported the 120 pound frame I had when I got married. I remember feeling gross, uncomfortable, out of shape and like my clothes didn’t fit. I always thought, “ once I lose the weight, I will feel better, be better, be happier and have more confidence. After my first child I lost all but 20 lbs. After my second child I lost barely any weight at all. In fact it stuck with me for years… I still carry it!

 

Looking back at these pictures now, I think this girl looks amazing. She looks happy and healthy. Her size is great. Her kids look happy and loved. I WISH I was her size. I WISH I could be the size this girl was! I can’t believe she thought she was overweight! What was she thinking? Why couldn’t she see herself as a healthy mother?

 

Curating my consciousness has taught me many things about myself. The most important lesson is to appreciate the skin you are in! Looking back at those pics and thinking about how self conscious I was demonstrates how easily we can skew our perception of ourselves! Too often we are too hard on ourselves and need to try to see ourselves through a different lens!

What I’ve learned to appreciate now, that I was oblivious to then, was that, that body is simply the container for my soul! When I die, it is not my size or my figure people will remember. When my children grow up they will remember our experiences and the things we did together. They will not remember mom’s size. So how much does size really matter? It seldom does!

 

What I know now, that I didn’t realize then is that life can not be built on “ if only’s.” I wish I had spent more time appreciating the body I had and hated. That body was healthy and beautiful! It birthed 2 healthy children. It carried me to work, let me walk, bike and run. That container I didn’t appreciate; afforded me every opportunity. I just couldn’t see how great it was.

The lesson that was curated after many books, podcasts, counselling sessions etc is that I need to love the person I am right now, as I may not always have a healthy functioning body. A body that allows me to DO anything I want with my kids! My self talk now asks “will this matter in 10 years?“ and if not, I refuse the thoughts to occupy up any of my mental realestate.

 

Age, experience and personal development have taught me to focus on what really matters. What is the big picture! What will be remembered after I die! That is what matters to the 41 year old me!

So my message to “THIS GIRL” is to focus on what matters♥️ and never lose sight of that?

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