March 22, 2020

When We Misunderstand What Female Empowerment Truly Means.

We all carry and express masculine and feminine energies in our daily life.

Each of us, regardless of whether we are male or female, embodies both energies within ourselves.

Feminine energy is more receptive, soft, fluid, flowing, and allowing. It is sometimes passive in positive ways; for example, when we exercise the ability to listen silently, or respond to others and circumstances from an inner place of integrity and truth rather than control or fear. Feminine energy is more focused on being rather than doing.

Masculine energy on the other hand is goal oriented, focused, disciplined, go-getter type of energy. It pushes and moves forward, sometimes aggressively. It is more focused on doing rather than being. Acting rather than resting. Getting rather than receiving or giving.

While both of these energies are important to carry and embody, sometimes they fall out of balance and create inner havoc. Whether we are male or female by gender, if we are operating more from one energy than another, we will feel disconnected and somehow discontent within. We will feel ungrounded because the inner balance between our two polarities is lost.

We all go from balanced to unbalanced, swinging between these energies from time to time. And that is okay—it’s part of our life’s unfolding and learning or un-learning. However, sometimes our energies are all over the place. We don’t know what is what and how exactly we can direct our energy or what is truly authentic for us in each period or phase of our life.

I’ve found contemplation and silent time to be important for both men and women. To sit and make sense of our happenings and daily experiences and understand what is going on within, and if we are actually in tune with our inner truth and integrity.

Living in this modern age with so much information, “spiritual fast food,” and busyness as the central focus of success, we are thrown into confusion and are somehow operating on autopilot mode—getting easily triggered by life circumstances and people whom we come into contact with on a daily basis.

For example, lately I have found myself being more aggressive than usual in pursuing my goals and fighting against a woman who I thought was imitating me. Being in this state of mind to me means I’m trying to rule by controlling other people’s actions and outer circumstances while working harder to look like an empowered badass woman in the eyes of others.

What this situation brought to the surface for me is fear and hurt.

I may never know what her true intention was. I instead shifted my focus from her to myself and my reaction to the situation.

After long contemplation, I realized that she triggered my inner fear of losing. She triggered, or rather “provoked,” my inner little girl to feel insecure and doubt herself. Her actions threw me off balance completely by forcing me to be aggressively competitive and controlling in a fearful, insecure way.

So I started to show off as a badass woman (which is an authentic part of my being when I’m playful and free), but not when I become aggressively controlling.

Because of this fear and hurt, an explosion of anger surfaced that I could not hold for a few days. I had an abundance of tears and conversations with a few friends to make sense of this experience.

I felt small. Disregarded. Powerless. Insecure. Fearful. Violated.

Behind my grandeur mask of a badass, empowering woman, I discovered the truth—I was actually trying to hide my sense of self-importance, by looking and acting in aggressive ways and calling it empowerment.

After the anger dissipated, I could calmly see that competing against another woman or man is not empowerment. Perceiving another woman or man as a threat is not empowerment. Acting aggressively out of the need to control is not empowerment. It’s a sign of deep insecurity and fear.

Feeling all the emotions, understanding your inner truth independently of other people’s actions or behaviors that may trigger you, and accepting your fear of losing or not feeling good enough compared to someone else—that is the beginning of an empowering being to me.

Understanding our inner world and the emotions we go through, and having the wisdom to discern between the perceived truth and the actual truth, brings us true inner freedom. Understanding that whether something is triggering us subconsciously or provoking us consciously, how we respond to it makes all the difference. That is true empowerment to me.

Accepting our shortcomings, our misperception of reality, and our ego—along with its fear of being annihilated at any time and how it stems out of deep insecurity—that, to me, is true empowerment.

Holding yourself accountable for your accurate or inaccurate perception of reality and understanding that you don’t need to control anyone or anything but your own response to everything—that is true empowerment to me.

Understanding that no one is there to f*cking get you, they are there to get themselves anyway, that is empowering to me.

Empowerment means you take your power back. When a triggering situation presents itself, you don’t fall in its trap and become its victim. Instead you exercise a few deep breaths, you go for a silent walk and contemplate, or have a hot shower. You sit down and then respond to the situation at hand from a place of inner truth. If that truth is you felt hurt or deeply insecure, honor that and speak up even if that makes you vulnerable or uncomfortable.

If the truth of the moment is that you feel too f*cked up at this time—honor that. And give yourself time to come to your senses again and have clarity. 

If the truth of the moment is you feel deeply hurt or not good enough, then it’s time you understand what your inner child is trying to bring to your attention that may belong to your past.

Understanding the truth from a place of inner integrity, as a friend told me lately and she is so right, begins with saying to yourself “I feel…”—fill the sentence with how you actually truly feel deep down. That is the path to true inner freedom and empowerment.

In my case, I wrote: 

“I feel small.”

“I feel violated.”

“I feel I am losing control.”

“I feel powerless.”

“I feel disregarded.”

“I feel disrespected.”

“I feel unheard.”

All these feelings—that I did not admit at first—threw me off track and caused so much rage to surface that I could burn a whole damn town if I wanted.

When we dare to expose ourselves to ourselves and realize our inner truth, we take our power back, we don’t leave the power to external situations or people by saying, “that person or that situation made me angry.” We may need to change the narrative by saying internally or writing down, “I caused myself to get angry because I felt so and so…because I perceived things in this and that way…and none of it was accurate.”

Once we start working more deeply with our inner self and take responsibility for how we feel and how we interpret our reality or other people’s actions, we will feel more authentic and aligned with our inner truth and integrity—and that will be the beginning of true empowerment. 

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