View this post on Instagram
People pleasing: why do we do it?
Essentially, people pleasing is not being able to say no even when it doesn’t feel good to say yes. There’s this intense freeze happening inside you.
What do we do?
Read the inner dialogue below that’s going on in inside you (can you totally relate?):
You consider what would it be like to say no. Then you freeze more in fear.
Will they not like me anymore?
Will I not be cool?
Will I not be loved?
Oh sh*t, that last one hurts deep; you shiver inside.
Me? I want to be loved.
Got to make sure I am loved. I have to say yes.
Saying no would mean saying no to being loved.
Okay, decision made!
I’m saying yes.
“Yes I’ll do it,” you hear yourself say out loud.
Phew, your inner being goes, at least I’ll be loved now.
You go home and it hits you: Why did I say yes? I don’t even enjoy doing that! That’s totally not something I want to be doing.
Have you got the PP syndrome?
I’ll describe the opposite now.
A woman who stands her ground and feels secure in her “no.”
Why is she different?
She knows that her actions don’t make her any less lovable.
She knows her boundaries of how she can show up powerfully without diminishing herself.
She knows her confidence comes from within when she can firmly with love say no.
She knows saying no only makes her more powerful in her yes.
People pleasing actually comes from a deep internal insecurity around who you are.
Thinking you have to be someone else (hence always saying yes to please the other) in order to be loved, to be seen, to matter.
I coach women in freeing themselves from the PP syndrome. You know how they feel afterward?
Free from the pressure to say yes even when they really don’t want to do it.
Next time you are on the verge of saying yes when you don’t want to, and you feel that internal scrambling for the security of being loved, place a hand on your heart and tell yourself, “I love me. I don’t need their love to find my own worth.”