It has dawned on me recently that this whole awakening journey is one, big ol’ rollercoaster ride.
I mean, I’ve known this for awhile (you would hope so, I’ve been on this journey for some time now), but now I can see the pattern of ups and downs, high and lows, expansion and contraction in a clear and visceral way—almost like I’m looking at a road map of exactly how I got to the point where I am now.
Whilst it has been intensely painful at times, it has also been powerful, beautiful, and amazing. All the oscillations, the plot twists, the times of agonising suspension, and the crazy-*ss “tower moments” as I call them, have made this journey a unique experience.
Despite the immense difficulty at times, I am grateful that I continue to experience the terrifying thrill as I move forward every day into higher states of awareness, elevated levels of consciousness, and the life of my dreams.
One of the major things I have learnt firsthand on this journey is that we can’t have any expectations of how we want our life to unfold. We can certainly have an idea or an image of what we want, but nobody has any control over how things play out or where they ultimately end up.
It is absolutely fine to want certain things— a secure and meaningful career, purpose, a loving and healthy relationship, a beautiful family, a once-in-a-lifetime trip or adventure, a gorgeous house with all of the latest gadgets and appliances, to name a few. In fact, forming a blueprint of our heart’s desires and putting them out into the ether is a crucial step in getting what we want.
Where most of us trip up is the next step in the manifestation process—the one where we need to let go of any expectations, intense longing, or stubbornness around exactly how these things come to fruition in our physical reality.
There are no guarantees. Putting out a blueprint of our desires doesn’t necessarily mean that we will get what we want, or even something similar. It could very well be that some or all of the things on our wish list are not for our highest good; therefore the universe will not deliver on these things, in order to protect us from something or someone that is not right for us.
I have just recently come out of what I call the void zone. The void zone is best categorised as a state of animated suspension where we’ve done most of the intense and challenging emotional, psychological, and spiritual work so that we are a vibrational match to our heart’s desires, only to be faced with further challenging circumstances, confusion, and multiple unknowns.
This is the stage that requires a tremendous amount of patience and faith in order not to crumble into a sobbing, hot mess on the floor wailing, “Why do I never get what I want? I worked so hard, and it’s all for nothing! It’s not fair!”
It’s much like the scene in “Bridesmaids” where Annie (played by the hilarious Kristen Wiig) loses her sh*t at her best friend’s engagement party in front of everyone. Ego tantrum to the max.
What I had failed to realise in my own ego driven state was that this was the natural rhythm of expansion and contraction at play.
I had placed the “order” of my wants and desires; I had done most, if not all, of the necessary work in order to become aligned energetically to receive them. I was waiting for my “order” to be shipped. In between, I had experienced incredible breakthroughs, dizzying highs, and peaceful moments of pure presence and tranquility followed by massive shakeups, devastating lows, only to soar back up again.
This is the way our journeys roll. And if it sounds a little bit bipolar (for lack of a better word), that’s because it is.
The awakening journey can leave us feeling completely drained and exhausted at times. It can also make us feel undeniably powerful. This is especially true when we manage to get ourselves through the infamous “dark night of the soul.” As we shed more and more of our old, petulant ego self, we are reborn like the phoenix rising from the ashes—resilient, strong, courageous, wise, and so damn beautiful that we start drawing positive people, things, and experiences to us like a moth to a flame.
This is where I am now. While there are still some things that are yet to completely manifest in my physical reality, energetically I am in a good place and it’s only a matter of time before these things unfold. I will be living my best life both outwardly and internally; this will be a reflection of the state of my inner world—powerful, peaceful, confident, compassionate, kind, and brimming with unconditional love to pour into my business of helping people as a counsellor and coach.
I have had some difficult times with various people in my life who have treated me badly, disrespected me, or have tried to control me. Whilst these have been painful experiences to go through from a human perspective, from a soul perspective these people have been my greatest teachers. For them, I am grateful; I forgive them for any hurt caused. I honestly wouldn’t be where I am today without them.
I now sit in this space knowing that I have a beautiful future ahead of me, regardless of how it physically unfolds and presents itself in my life. I am so thankful for the expansions and contractions on this journey; I am open and ready to receive whatever is meant for me, whether that be a beautiful romance, increased clarity on my life’s mission, or anything else.
So, the next time you are struggling with expansion and contraction, just know that it is all part of the process and that everything is impermanent—except for the ever-flowing unconditional love of your soul.