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May 10, 2020

Haven’t Seen Zombie Bob Ross Yet? That’s Okay You Lazy Piece of Sh*t

Brooklyn-based artist, JrunkJesus (Doug Baker) has captured the spirit of Bob Ross in all his dark glory you never got to watch in your PJ’s when you stayed home from school pretending to be sick. So keep wearing the bed, back out of some obligation you didn’t really want to do anyway and head over to you tube.

JrunkJesus revives the easy going vibe and love of allowing that Bob Ross encapsulated, now as a zombie, when he says: “Grab your hemorrhage red and your two-inch brush, which as we learned last week– can fit into almost any body cavity, or if you don’t want to and wanna just relax and join us on the this trip…Hey, that’s alright you lazy piece of s***, I don’t mind.”.

You too can paint skulls, upside down crosses and a red river of fire alongside Z.B.R. as he compassionately reminds us, “If you make a little mistake, that’s okay, you’re a little mistake too”. He exudes a nice, calm and grounded demeanor, like the original Bob Ross did, telling us that we can go back in later to add the details, so “just fucking relax”.

While painting a massive skull in the sky, we learn from Z.B.R. that, “It doesn’t have to be a guy, it can be a girl, you know Dark Lords can be girls too”. JrunkJesus’ zombie fuckery is inclusive of feminism….just in case you were wondering where Z.B.R. lands on the morality scale.

Z.B.R. wraps up his painting by instructing us how to add wings to a lovely, demonic minion: “Let’s just give him some wings, everyone knows you can’t fly without wings– unless you’re sniffing glue in the parking lot. He’ll protect you from all those evangelists always trying to save your soul. Guess what? You won’t want to spend eternity with those fuckers anyway- BO-RING”.

The first 4:20 in length Zombie Bob Ross installment, “It’s a keeper for the reaper”, but if you think you’re going to enjoy it, “you’re terrible– go jump off a bridge.”.


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