3.6
May 18, 2020

When your Romance Triggers your Romanticization of Drinking.

Today is my 16th wedding anniversary.

My husband is picking up dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, and we will eat at a set table in the dining room that we hardly use.

The set table, the salmon that I didn’t have to cook, the evening to celebrate and to reminisce all we have done together.

These are the times I start romancing the thought of drinking alcohol.

Fantasy:

>> Wouldn’t it be nice to have a couple of cocktails before dinner?
>> Wouldn’t it be nice to share a really nice bottle of wine with our meal?
>> Wouldn’t it be nice to have a champagne toast in the pretty flutes we never use?
>> Wouldn’t it be nice to sit on the deck tonight and have a nightcap, just the two of us?

Reality:

>> Wouldn’t it be nice to get so drunk I don’t remember eating?
>> Wouldn’t it be nice to drink so much that I remind my husband how passive aggressive he is at the dinner table?
>> Wouldn’t it be nice to start slurring in front of my kids to the point they are worried about me?
>> Wouldn’t it be nice to insist on staying on the deck to drink more after my husband is done and ready to go to bed?

Tonight I will make myself a beautiful mocktail or two and put them in a fancy glass. I will be present and aware of all of the wonderful that is right here, right now—no need to make it better.

I will enjoy and be able to taste every bite of my dinner that I am looking forward to. I will share stories with my kids about all of the things their father and I have done and accomplished. I will toast to 16 years of messy growth together.

I will go to bed tonight thankful that I did not drink. I will go to bed stronger for having made it through another big day without booze. I will go to bed knowing I will have absolutely nothing to regret in the morning.

I will wake up in the morning and love myself again.

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